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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know IABU but DS's 1st birthday is going to be shit

69 replies

OuchBollocks · 01/03/2018 21:38

I know he won't understand or remember, but we had to cancel his little family party today (snow), we won't get out tomorrow (snow), no post has come with any cards from family (snow) so he has one sad little tesco card from DH and I, I baked a cake but it is an utter cakewreck, and DD will probably try to pinch his new toys. Her 1st birthday was a gorgeous summer day, family in the garden, loads of presents, huge fuss. His is just a normal, somewhat crappy day.

I feel crappy anyway because he seems to get a raw deal (unavoidably) and it took me quite a while to bond with him - his first few months were riddled with pain and illnesses and injury. I bonded with DD instantly even though her birth was appalling and she was what they call a 'high needs' baby, and DS is a happy wee soul.

So IABU and need to give my head a wobble I suppose but I feel crap. Happy 1st birthday DS :(

OP posts:
TeaforTiger · 01/03/2018 22:00

You can re-tell as it "your first birthday was just the four of us, and it was the most wonderful precious day in the world".

The thing is, it doesn't need to be the 'most wonderful day ever!!' It's such an unnecessary pressure we put on ourselves. I've never asked my parents what I did on my first birthday, I've seen the pictures and enjoyed them for what they are.

Stop being so mean to yourself OP! At least you'll be home with your DS, I was working for both my DC 1st birthdays. The day will be what you make it.

KC225 · 01/03/2018 22:01

As party veteran of two 10 years, I can honestly say that one party kind of merges into another. The 1st birthday is always about the parents - ohhhh this time last year. Your baby will only know what tell him or show him. Your baby has a snow blanket for his birthday. Take loads of photos of him eating his cake wreck in the beast from the east. Build him a birthday snow man or a massive snow birthday cake. Embrace it, he can have cards and presents next week. But he will always have a snow blanket for his first birthday. It rarely snows in March, he has a special first birthday.

Mamahen2 · 01/03/2018 22:02

Happy 1st Birthday to your little man 🎂🎈🎉. Honestly stop feeling guilty its not like you stopped it or stopped cards etc this weather is crazy you could always celebrate it next week he is not going to know or care at this age you can still have the 1st birthday pictures to look back on and at least you'll have a story to tell him x

Theworldisfullofidiots · 01/03/2018 22:03

Happy birthday little person.
It's Dd's 16th tomorrow and we've had to cancel that and may have to cancel her bday lunch with my sisters. (we're doing a (hopefully) initiating her into the women of the family lunch.
Your little person's bday will still be lovely - might just last longer.

Theworldisfullofidiots · 01/03/2018 22:04

We haven't canceled her bday! Just her celebration with her friends is being postponed!

littlemissrain · 01/03/2018 22:05

Just stage a party in a few weeks.

You can take photos and tell him they were on the day if he asks...

Waddlelikeapenguin · 01/03/2018 22:06

I have one turning 3 we are snowed in stuff hasnt arrived & i am struggling for birthday like food in the cupboards. BUT we are bigging up how special it is to get snow on your birthday & i have ingredients for cakeCake

I'm not worried & you shouldnt worry either Flowers

TyrannosaurusBex · 01/03/2018 22:07

Maybe celebrate his 'half birthday' on 1st September. It'll still be warm but not boiling hot, and it's a Saturday Smile

squiggleirl · 01/03/2018 22:11

DDs birthday was 2 weeks ago - not a great time of year for organising parties due to the weather. She, however, is the only one of mine who has had, or will ever have, snow on their birthday. She had her first 'big' party on her 3rd birthday. Loads of family and friends came. Suddenly in the middle of the party it started to snow. Giant flakes of fluffy snow. I didn't think she would, but she still remembers it - it's the only thing she does remember from that party. So whilst this year the weather sucks, in future years, it may make it the best birthday ever!

Happy birthday Mini-Ouch!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 01/03/2018 22:13

Take some photos of you all in the snow. Make a Snow Cake. Get a good photo of you all.

DS isn’t ‘missing out’ compared to DD, he’s just getting different experiences. DD had more of your attention, but she didn’t have a sibling to watch, love, and copy.

...try to enjoy a family day. You’re all well, warm & safe.

MumW · 01/03/2018 22:14

I'm sure that your cake isn't half the wreck you think it is.
Stick a candle on it, sing and then eat it. He'll just enjoy the novelty of a candle and stuffing cake into his mouth. Cake

nobutreally · 01/03/2018 22:14

Awwww, of course I understand how you're feeling. But of course YABU: you just have to shake up your expectations and let yourself enjoy the day the way it has to happen - an early March birthday is not going to get a glorious summer garden party anytime soon! BUT how many kids would love to hear the story of their first birthday - in the midst of the worst weather the UK has seen for fourteen-million years (or something).

Go with it - snow-play is NOT an everyday crappy thing (assuming you have at least some snow?) - it's super-cool! Bring icicles into a warm bath (that blows their minds!); catch snowflakes; drag him round on a sledge; build a special birthday snow decoration (a snow-throne? an enormous number one) and take his photo on top of it; have his first hot chocolate (if he hasn't already - mine are teens and I forget what one year olds do); snuggle on the sofa with blankets and watch TV and give him a big hug from me.

TheyBuiltThePyramids · 01/03/2018 22:15

Aw bless you. He won't care. My dd is 14 next week and my main memory of her 1st birthday is she stuck her finger in the candle on the cake (probably never having seen such witchcraft before) and all the photos I have are of her looking blotchy and red faced. There are many more birthdays to come and this really will cease to be important.

Buxtonstill · 01/03/2018 22:16

You said you couldn’t get out, but do you know if any of your friends or family can get to a newsagent? Ask them to buy half a dozen daily newspapers. Store them in a large envelope and give them to him on his 21st birthday, to show him why his 1st birthday was so memorable! They will have some fab photos in them!

Doilooklikeatourist · 01/03/2018 22:16

Have a half birthday for him ( or happy 14 month day ) and make a cake ,take the photos then , etc
He won’t remember , so do something nice for you all
DD first birthday was the weekend after DH started a new job the other side of the country , so we had family party a week early
In the long term it doesn’t matter
Happy birthday little one 🎂🍷for mummy

Storminateapot · 01/03/2018 22:16

Oh bless you, I do get it but this about how you feel, not how he feels. He doesn't know it's his birthday and he sure as hell won't remember.

On my DD's first birthday there was a horrible storm and we had an all day power cut. The house was freezing, I couldn't heat milk, DH had gone to work. We ended up going up a nearby shopping mall just mooching about to stay warm. We went into Mothercare (oh yeah, I know how to show a baby a good time Grin) and it was only as we were coming out that I realised she'd pinched a Noddy toy off a shelf and was chewing the bell on his hat. I had to go back in & pay for it and it was all soggy.

She's 18 now, has no memory of it at all but does enjoy the funny story of how special I wanted it to be but how it was actually shit and she ended up shoplifting. She's kept the Noddy doll. No clue what her actual present was though.

littlemisscomper · 01/03/2018 22:18

I know it seems a big let down now, but in years to come this will be a special family story! 'Your first birthday was super special because it really, really SNOWED! People couldn't leave their houses, we had to huddle up in the warm, it was such an adventure! We couldn't have your party for 2 whole weeks!' I promise it'll be a much more interesting occasion for him to talk about in years to come than 'Everything was normal and went to plan'.

Rachie1973 · 01/03/2018 22:18

OuchBollocks

You're disappointed for you and him. That's so understandable.

I go with the 'plan a birthday outing' idea for when it's nicer,

Something to look forward to :)

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 01/03/2018 22:19

They really don't know what it's about. DS2 had honey and Marmite sandwiches, because they were 2 things he'd never been allowed to eat before, and a little Winnie the Pooh cake with a candle. I bought him a shape sorter, my aunt bought him a Scuttlebug. He was happy.

Rachie1973 · 01/03/2018 22:19

Buxtonstill
You said you couldn’t get out, but do you know if any of your friends or family can get to a newsagent? Ask them to buy half a dozen daily newspapers. Store them in a large envelope and give them to him on his 21st birthday, to show him why his 1st birthday was so memorable! They will have some fab photos in them

That's a bloody fab idea!

SukiPutTheEarlGreyOn · 01/03/2018 22:20

Happy 1st birthday to your ds! 🎁🎉🍰. You've given him a fab bday story that'll get told and retold over the years 'on your very first birthday the snow was so, so bad that they called it the 'beast from the east'. So, we snuggled indoors and I made you a cake...'. The amazing weather, the trainwreck cake, the time spent with you are all part of the fun and, in time, the memory of this will become just as precious and vivid as dd's sunny party in the garden.

Rachie1973 · 01/03/2018 22:20

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks
DS2 had honey and Marmite sandwiches

lol. I read that and thought you meant in one sandwich!

ratspeaker · 01/03/2018 22:21

I second what Apple says.
Pics in the snow.
Make a snow cake!

When the cards do arrive keep them , your wee one will not know the difference.
Print out and keep some of the news stories from around now.

MontyPythonsFlyingFuck · 01/03/2018 22:22

Buxton's newspaper idea is great!

Have as lovely a time as you can - Happy birthday BabyOuchBollocks!

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 01/03/2018 22:23

I did consider explaining that in my post Rachie, but I thought, "no, they'll get what I mean"! 😂