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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How can I convince DH that his DDs are now young adults and he needs to treat them as such?

95 replies

BigSandyBalls2015 · 01/03/2018 13:14

DDs, 17. One of them put her head round the lounge door last night to say she was off sledging with a friend on the nearby hill.

It was 9.15pm.

DH reacted as though she'd announced she was off to smoke crack in a mate's bedsit.

It's driving me mad.

OP posts:

5plusMeAndHim · 01/03/2018 14:19

But I would tell a 40 yr old adult it was a bloody stupid idea.I don't see treating someone as an adult and warning them of danger are mutually exclusive.

crunchymint · 01/03/2018 14:26

I was walking to a friends last night at 9pm, it was cold but not dangerous. If she was sledging where streetlights lit it up, fine. If not then yes dangerous. Personally I find people's eyesight varies a lot when it is a bit darker. I can see fine outside most places with streetlights nearby, while my DP struggles.
Also I would be pleased she was doing childish things like this, rather than drugs.

MrsElvis · 01/03/2018 14:31

God I bet loads of parents wish their only problem with their DC is that they want to go late night sledging! He's doing well if this is as bad as she gets!

Original poster

BigSandyBalls2015 · 01/03/2018 14:31

Exactly MrsElvis!! As I keep telling DH!

OP posts:

StaplesCorner · 01/03/2018 14:38

Big I wrote this earlier - I'm just confused why people think its not risky to go out and do a physical activity involving ice snow and low temperatures in the dark?! - so can you explain why you think it was safe or low risk?

We've all got the point that she wasn't going to do drugs, but does that mean that literally anything else is ok with you?

JoJoSM2 · 01/03/2018 14:39

I can see your husband's point. DH and I are in the good habit of going to bed by 10pm during the week and would like out children to have enough sense to get sleep too. If they're living and home and in education then I'd want them to limit late night outings to non-school nights.

crunchymint · 01/03/2018 14:41

Low temperatures are only dangerous if you are going to be inactive or are drunk or on drugs. For a normal healthy person close to home the temperatures we get in the UK are not dangerous to go out in. If she got cold, she would come home. And sledging can be surprisingly active.

Dark - we do not know if she could see what she was doing. It being nighttime does not mean in places with streetlights that you can not see what you are doing.

crunchymint · 01/03/2018 14:42

I don't go to bed by 10pm ever unless I am not well.

mamaryllis · 01/03/2018 14:46

My 17yo went off to uni last September. Twice she has texted me at 11pm because it's snowing and she are her mates are super-excited and going off round campus in the dark to play in the snow.
The rest of the time I have absolutely no idea what she is up to, whether it be 9.15 on a school night or 3am on a weekend.

AbsolutelyCorking · 01/03/2018 14:53

I don’t know any adults that go to bed by 10pm.

crunchymint · 01/03/2018 14:54

I do think some people on here are way over protective.
I walked from and to a friends last night at 9pm and 11pm. About a 20 minute walk. It was cold, but beautiful. I am sure I would be walking way slower than teenagers playing. It was fine. I was in no danger at all. I could have driven but I think that was more risky as the roads were getting icy by 11pm. People die in the cold if they are drunk or on drugs. That is because they get lost, or fall down or sit down and stay there. Being out overnight last night could have killed you. Playing for an hour or so is fine.

People talk about nighttime as if that means you can not see anything. Now in some very rural places or deep inside a park that will be true. But most towns and cities in the UK are actually very well lit at night, and snow reflects the light there is. In my walk home it was perfectly light. Not dark, I could see far ahead. And you can always see much more outside, than inside in a well lit house looking out of the windows.

Snowball fighting and sledging are really pretty harmless.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 01/03/2018 14:54

DH and I are in the good habit of going to bed by 10pm during the week and would like out children to have enough sense to get sleep too.

Crikey. You really can't expect other people to go to bed at 10pm just because you and your husband have decided to. It's really quite early.

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 01/03/2018 14:58

My DH does worry more about our teen DD, maybe he has taken longer to adjust to it or maybe he is more of a worrier. I just give him the ‘look’ if he is being daft.
Having said that, if my dd (also 17) had said they were sledging at that time of night, I would have also said she was being crazy.
17 year olds still need steering in the right direction sometimes.

Thunderwing · 01/03/2018 14:59

Reading this I realise that I have obviously been totally warped by my parents - at 17 my bedtime was 10pm on a school night and there isn't a hope in hell I would have been 'allowed' out at that time of night.

So my initial reaction was, of course OP's DH is being totally reasonable - then I RTFT and see that most people disagree, so perhaps my upbringing has left me with an unrealistic sense of what is and isn't appropriate for kids who still live at home. Thankfully my DD is only 5 so I have some time before I need to face this sort of stuff

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 01/03/2018 14:59

We are country though so that probably makes a big difference.

LouHotel · 01/03/2018 15:01

I think your DD was nowhere near a snow bank all night and was more likely warm and toasty round a mates house or with a boy.

crunchymint · 01/03/2018 15:03

natural If you are deep country you will be like my in laws. You literally can not see outside unless it is a bright moon. You need a torch to walk places as you can not see your hand in front of your face otherwise. That would be stupid to go sledging in that.

ivehadtonamechangeforthis · 01/03/2018 15:05

Oh I think it's the do what I say not what I did :) He's just trying to protect her, not a bad thing.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 01/03/2018 15:05

Sounds bloody brilliant to me. I'd rather DS was sledging than driving in this weather!

In this country snow is such a novelty, I'm not going to take my DCs out of school for it but if they want to go out and enjoy it in the evenings I'd be fine with it.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 01/03/2018 15:07

Regardless of time - night / day my dm took me sledging as a dc. During the night was an added fun factor!

IdaDown · 01/03/2018 15:08

m.youtube.com/watch?v=qdQb7p3FQOg

ilovegin112 · 01/03/2018 15:10

I’m quite laidback but even I wouldn’t want my ds 18 sledging in the dark, it’s probably more to do with the fact a young lad broke his neck sledging a couple of years ago wth his mates

crunchymint · 01/03/2018 15:14

And people break their necks riding horses.
If your DC is sensible then it is low risk.

ObscuredbyFog · 01/03/2018 15:14

sledging in the dark

Did you look outside?

The moon was very large and bright last night, with that reflected off the snow it was like daylight at midnight.
It's a full moon tonight, same will apply.

crunchymint · 01/03/2018 15:15

And I agree driving in this weather is much much riskier. My DP will be driving home in the dark and I am worried about him.

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