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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not travel 150 miles to a funeral today?

75 replies

Onedaynamechange · 01/03/2018 07:16

We planned to go my cousin's funeral today which is 150 miles away. Just watching the weather report which is basically saying don't go out unless you have to, it is in an area which isn't under blizzard conditions at the moment but our journey involves traveling through snowy conditions. Last night I was veering towards not going but her DH has put a passive aggressive meme on FB this morning suggesting people are being a bit pathetic not wanting to travel...if it was me I think I would be telling people "Don't come, the journey will be a nightmare!"

OP posts:
Original poster
Onedaynamechange · 01/03/2018 07:17

Just to add, my cousin wasn't someone I had seen regularly over recent years due to distance but she was lovely and we kept in touch (used to be close as kids)

OP posts:
nothanksbyenow · 01/03/2018 07:20

That’s an awfully long journey and I’m not surprised you are not keen to potentially get on the road!
Maybe the Facebook post was intended for people who have much shorter journeys? He sounds like someone’s upset him the be writing that.
My condolences to you Flowers

GinisLife · 01/03/2018 07:20

They've shut my sons school this morning and I'm just toying with whether I can not go to work 8 miles away let alone drive 150 miles in it. I'm sure your cousin wouldn't want you to risk life and limb to get there. She knew you loved her and while it's a shame I'm not sure I'd be going that far in this weather.

CarcerDun · 01/03/2018 07:20

I was very close to having a horrific car accident on the way back from a relatives funeral in the snow. If you are in or travelling through a red or amber warning area I wouldn't go.

apostropheuse · 01/03/2018 07:21

If the journey is likely to be dangerous, don't go. I'm sure your cousin wouldn't have wanted you to put your own life at risk to attend. You can think of her in your own way without having to actually be there.

AChickenCalledKorma · 01/03/2018 07:21

Tricky. Some people didn't make it to my mother's funeral in January for exactly the same reason. It was when the snow was blocking roads in south West Scotland. We completely understood that they needed to put their own safety first. But if her DH is being less understanding that does make it harder.

AChickenCalledKorma · 01/03/2018 07:23

Being blunt - are you likely to be wanting to maintain a close relationship with her DH? If not, I would definitely stay out and send a lovely message of support.

QuestionableMouse · 01/03/2018 07:23

I'm debating driving half a mile let alone 150 miles. Don't go, there are other ways to remember her that don't risk lives.

AChickenCalledKorma · 01/03/2018 07:23

Grr - stay "put", not stay "out".

Confutatis · 01/03/2018 07:25

Conditions are awful and dangerous.
I wouldn't travel that distance personally.
The weather will get worse today pretty well everywhere across the the U.K.

SparkleFizz · 01/03/2018 07:25

If you’ll be travelling through very snowy areas, or if there’s red or amber weather warnings in the area, then it’s sensible to avoid making such a long journey.

I wonder if the FB meme is aimed at people who live very close to where the funeral will be?

MoodyMumOfOne · 01/03/2018 07:27

Would you be able to consider public transport eg train? If that is not an option, your safety comes first. Sorry for your loss Flowers

Heismyopendoor · 01/03/2018 07:27

People have been sleeping on the motorways here. Don’t go out.

daisychain01 · 01/03/2018 07:28

Your cousin's DH has lost my sympathy - going on FB on the day of her funeral putting PA messages on there, I wouldn't care who they were aimed at, doesn't exactly show him in a dignified light.

SillySallySingsSongs · 01/03/2018 07:28

I wonder if the FB meme is aimed at people who live very close to where the funeral will be?

Doesn't matter really. If it's dangerous to travel it's dangerous to travel no matter where you live.

You also look a bit stupid posting that when you aren't going yourself.

Having said that I wouldn't go under OP circumstances.

Frusso · 01/03/2018 07:28

but her DH has put a passive aggressive meme on FB this morning suggesting people are being a bit pathetic not wanting to travel
People would be more pathetic to drive in dangerous conditions, when advice is not to travel.

SillySallySingsSongs · 01/03/2018 07:29

Ops got the wrong DH.

LizzieSiddal · 01/03/2018 07:29

I agree with others, I wouldn’t go. And whilst you can undertand why the Dh is upset if people don’t attend, does he really want others to risk their lives and defy advice from the authorities saying do not travel?

I actually wonder if it will go ahead?

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 01/03/2018 07:33

YANBU. I have to do 400 miles for work today. However, the HGV has a night heater, a bunk, and they pay me to do it. I wouldn't even leave the house otherwise.

AJPTaylor · 01/03/2018 07:34

The dh is going through a dreadful time. Whether you get there or not will make a pretty marginal difference tbh. If you have faith, could you go to your local church at the time of the service and offer up a prayer/light a candle?

PandaPolarBear · 01/03/2018 07:34

If it's going to involve driving through a red or amber zone... don't go!

It doesn't have to be a foot of snow (like outside my house right now!) for it to be unsafe to travel. Once again there have been motorists trapped in cars overnight on some roads in Scotland, because people aren't taking the warnings seriously enough.

It's tough because your cousins DH is obviously upset, but if you know you're going to be travelling through snow, and the official advice is not to go, then really you should be staying home.

Flowers for you.

speakout · 01/03/2018 07:34

Depends on your local condition OP.

I can't get to the end of my street because of snow,

NoSquirrels · 01/03/2018 07:34

I’m so sorry, OP. But I’d have to stay home too. 300-me round trips are not a good idea in this weather- I understand her DH’s feelings, however. Grief is so hard, and the funeral is a day he needs to know how much his wife was loved - and if they had DC too, for them. But it’s no good risking a long journey in Amber/red weather warnings.

Original poster
Onedaynamechange · 01/03/2018 07:36

Other close family members travelled up yesterday and are saying “oh we got here fine!” But clearly that’s irrelevant as the weather wasn’t as bad. I don’t know her DH well really, just met a few times and are connected on FB. We will need to leave about 9 so still dithering! I really don’t want to go but as usual I’m more concerned with what others will say about us not turning up 😐

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 01/03/2018 07:37

It's a long way to consider travelling in treacherous conditions and it's understandable if you can't go, but I do feel for your cousin's husband. The day must be very hard for him even without the weather and wondering who is going to be able to make it.