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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP breakfast

92 replies

yy558 · 28/02/2018 20:25

So I usually make breakfast for both DP and I as we usually go into work together via car then train.

Sometimes DP works from home but still runs me in on the car. On those days I take the liberty to be more leisurely in the bathroom and not make breakfast on the assumption he's got more time to make breakfast for himself after dropping me off.-whereas im in a rush and I usually have some emergency breakfast porridge sachets in my work desk if I am hungry.

Whenever this happens I get a snidey comment in the car where he goes 'oh you didn't make me any breakfast this morning' then proceeds to mini rage

AIBU to think he's being a bit of a snowflake to expect me to make him breakfast when he's clearly got more time later?

OP posts:
MyNewBearTotoro · 28/02/2018 21:36

YANBU. If this was my DP the snidey comments would annoy me so much I’d quit making breakfast for him altogether.

MammaTJ · 28/02/2018 21:39

He is working from home, yet still takes time from his day to drive you to work. I think it wouldn't hurt to have a nice breakfast together, given what he does for you.

Cue massive drip feed that he does fuck all around the house, beats you if it isn't clean enough and is a general bastard, but I am commenting on the information given!

Oldraver · 28/02/2018 21:41

I think you need to STOP making him breakfast everyday if he's snidey when you dont

Original poster
yy558 · 28/02/2018 21:41

Cherry it's not a difficult to fry eggs, take salmon out the fridge, toast on, lid on eggs and then go pack my bag but it's more the expectation when I don't do it which is the issue here. And the attitude I get back.

The actual process of making the breakfast isn't pissing me off.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 28/02/2018 21:42

but (he) can't get up first whereas I get up a bit earlier anyways to get ready

Exactly why can't he get up first? Is there a grizzly bear sitting on his chest or something? He certainly can get up earlier, he just doesn't want to. At any rate, DH got up about an hour before I did and he didn't fix my breakfast, nor did I expect him to. He got his own and I did mine and our DC's breakfasts when I got up.

I'd be looking to change the morning routine if I were you. I'd tell him that from now on you'll be dividing the breakfast cooking 50/50. And he can can the PA remarks.

I think you need to change your morning routine.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 28/02/2018 21:46

I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to contain my exasperation.

NoSquirrels · 28/02/2018 21:50

He can’t get up earlier, he can’t multi-task, he can’t iron his shirt the night before, he’s on a health kick but it involves you providing his ‘proper’ meals, and when he has all day without a commute (or presumably the need hit an iTunes shirt too) he can’t make his own damn breakfast... Hmm

I ask again, what equivalent does he do for you - something that you value?

NoSquirrels · 28/02/2018 21:51

hit an iTunes shirt too = no need for an ironed shirt too

CherryMaDeary · 28/02/2018 21:54

But he doesn't deserve it.

How much housework does he do? I'm guessing you do most of it because you don't mind?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 28/02/2018 21:54

What kind of health kick means he can't get himself out of bed and make his own breakfast?!

ProperLavs · 28/02/2018 21:55

Christ, this is like reading my life story with my ex. Even when I had a newborn and another 5 children aged 8 and under I was not only expected to make him a full fry up everyday but I also had to do it for the kids. He also worked from home.
He to,d me it was my duty because I was a Sahm and he needed the food to enable him to work.

honeylulu · 28/02/2018 21:55

You've said yourself, it's not difficult, so why the hell can't be do it himself? And make you some toast while he's at it.
Come to think of it why are you making a cooked breakfast that you don't eat yourself? I certainly wouldn't!
Why don't you and he take turns? It's not the 1950s! Please don't tell me you always cook dinner too.
He sounds all "me, man, do important man stuff like DRIVING. Cannot do woman stuff like cooking or my sacred penis might fall off. I will just have to starve until Woman comes home and then I can complain to her about it."

Urubu · 28/02/2018 21:59

Those are the little sogns of love that keeps a mariage romantic IMO. He is showing his love by driving you, judt show him yours by cooking him breakfast Smile
DH makes me coffee every single morning, I lay out clean underware/socks/shirt for him every day. Just because. And we both appreciate it every day.

PositivelyPERF · 28/02/2018 22:00

What’s it like having an overgrown child, OP? The git should be making you breakfast when he’s working from home. Seriously. I’m not sure if I’m more angry at these manchildren or the wives/partners that enable them. P

Original poster
yy558 · 28/02/2018 22:01

If I left him to cook dinner we'd get food replacement shakes (you've heard of huel/Soylent?) -although that has happened a few times because I have just thrown the towel in.

He's not bad at housework, he mops and Hoovers and does sinks whilst I do bathrooms

Arguably I've been throwing the towel in more recently so he'll suggest fish and chips so we don't have to cook.

So we're getting there.

I mean I've grown up in an Asian household where my brothers and dad did nothing so this isn't new.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 28/02/2018 22:05

He expects you to make him breakfast. He thinks it's your job and days when you don't then he puts a complaint in.

Did you know it was your job to do it? You do now.
Hope that you get paid well.

I don't expect this is the only thing you do round the house either

timeisnotaline · 28/02/2018 22:07

To pps, It’s not romantic if it’s just expected not appreciated, that makes it a romance killer! Have you said to him op that he’s an adult and you have no idea why he expects you to make breakfast every day but you think it’s ridiculous? Personally I think it’s nice that you often make him breakfast and nice that he drives you to the station when he is wfh, but turning it into an ‘ops job is making my breakfast for me’ is the opposite of nice and I would stop making him breakfast most days until he got that.

steff13 · 28/02/2018 22:11

Why can't he get up earlier? Surely he's physically capable of getting up. What does he do about lunch? If you don't make breakfast just he just lay on the floor and starve until you get home?

Tentomidnight · 28/02/2018 22:13

So he's on a health kick but he'd rather buy fish and chips than cook?
Jeez Angry
If you've grown up in a household where the men have ladyservants, then I can see why you may have normalised things.
But this is not normal in the 21st century. Please read 'Wifework' and try to readjust your domestic life accordingly.
I was brought up with a mum who pandered (still panders) to my dad in this way. Not a chance I will make the same mistake.

honeylulu · 28/02/2018 22:14

I don't think it's romantic either. Full grown man expecting to be fed and babied. Not exactly a knicker-dropper.

Original poster
yy558 · 28/02/2018 22:18

Steff13 he has done. I've had the 'ive not had a proper lunch today wfh' when i come home from 9-6. I thought he was joking.

Aside from that it's more him being so bloody ungrateful. I'm trying the tough cookies method by not making breakfast.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 28/02/2018 22:20

I'd seriously dump this lazy, woman-hating bellend. He thinks he's your boss/owner and that you need to be trained into knowing your place as his servant.

lottiegarbanzo · 28/02/2018 22:22

I'd quite like scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast tomorrow now. We don't have any eggs though, or nice bread. What have you done OP!

(Oh ok, I could go to the really very nearby shop. Or enjoy porridge ).

expatinscotland · 28/02/2018 22:23

'If I left him to cook dinner we'd get food replacement shakes (you've heard of huel/Soylent?) -although that has happened a few times because I have just thrown the towel in.'

Right, so he can't be fucked cooking for you both but he expects you to do is specifically for him.

steff13 · 28/02/2018 22:24

Steff13 he has done. I've had the 'ive not had a proper lunch today wfh' when i come home from 9-6. I thought he was joking.

Now I'm imagining him laying on the floor like a poor little wilted flower. Too weak from lack of protein to even order takeout for lunch. Sad.