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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP breakfast

92 replies

yy558 · 28/02/2018 20:25

So I usually make breakfast for both DP and I as we usually go into work together via car then train.

Sometimes DP works from home but still runs me in on the car. On those days I take the liberty to be more leisurely in the bathroom and not make breakfast on the assumption he's got more time to make breakfast for himself after dropping me off.-whereas im in a rush and I usually have some emergency breakfast porridge sachets in my work desk if I am hungry.

Whenever this happens I get a snidey comment in the car where he goes 'oh you didn't make me any breakfast this morning' then proceeds to mini rage

AIBU to think he's being a bit of a snowflake to expect me to make him breakfast when he's clearly got more time later?

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 28/02/2018 21:07

Ah so you making breakfast just for him, in that case.

My response would be an eye roll with "your a fully grown adult man who is more than capable of making your own breakfast, wise up"

rothbury · 28/02/2018 21:08

Why can't he cook his own breakfast?

Does he really have smoked salmon and eggs every day? That sounds very grand Smile

Original poster
yy558 · 28/02/2018 21:10

Because hes all about the health kick at the moment with the protein in the morning but can't get up first whereas I get up a bit earlier anyways to get ready. Also I can multitask packing my lunch and breakfast whilst he irons his shirts. So I'm being nice. (Self proclaimed but still...)

However when he's WFH I just think cooked breakfast is one less thing for me to think about.

OP posts:
JoJoSM2 · 28/02/2018 21:10

What do you say when he complains about you not making breakfast for him? Have you told him that you feel taken for granted and would like to alternate breakfast prep?

tinkywinky2018 · 28/02/2018 21:11

Yet I come home to the same comments 'i didn't have a proper breakfast today because you didn't make me any

So he's completely incapable of making himself breakfast when he's at home?
Eugh. How deeply unsexy such man child behavior is!

rothbury · 28/02/2018 21:12

Yeah, OP I think we just don't understand why he is gong without breakfast if you don't have time to make it for him?

If it is so important that he has to whinge about it, can you explain why he isn't doing it himself?

rookiemere · 28/02/2018 21:13

I thought I was the only person who had poached eggs and smoked salmon everyday ! Its like being on holiday all the time.

YANBU - it is a bit of a faff to make so if I wasn't eating it myself and your DP was going back home then he should do it himself.

Tentomidnight · 28/02/2018 21:13

'He's all about the health kick' and 'but can't get up first'
AKA he's choosing extra time in bed before his cooked breakfast is served to him.
Wouldn't happen in my house!

Original poster
yy558 · 28/02/2018 21:13

I tell him he's capable of making it himself if he wants a nice breakfast where he can enjoy at a leisurely pace after he drops me off. Instead of scoffing breakfast as quick as we can then running out the door to get in the car so I can catch the train which is what we always do.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/02/2018 21:16

I think I'd insist I get myself to work on the days he works from home.

CherryMaDeary · 28/02/2018 21:16

Stop making him breakfast! Make your toast and let him sort his own bloody eggs. Just get the bus on his WFH days.

Does he at least do the dishes?!

What else does he do in the house? Does he have dinner ready for you on his WFH days?

ReanimatedSGB · 28/02/2018 21:17

Hmm, OP. How long have you been with this man, and what else about him makes you uneasy, hurt or annoyed? Because his behaviour over breakfast and lifts to work doesn't make a lot of sense.
You are expected to make breakfast for him every morning, though you don't want to eat breakfast and have something simpler for yourself - this has a bit of a master-and-servant vibe, doesn't it? Who cooks your meals in the evening and at weekends?
He iinsists on driving you to work, even though he could just as easily stay at home and make his own fucking breakfast - and you have actually said you would rather be responsible for travelling by yourself - do you get to go out alone, with friends or family, or does he insist on coming with you and/or moan and whine that you don't have enough time for him and/or try to persuade you that all the two of you need is each other and your Great Love?

I suspect a manipulative, controlling man TBH. What habits have you changed since moving in together because it's just easier to obey him, because he sulks and moans and/or tells you off like you're a naughty dog if he doesn't get his own way.

nursy1 · 28/02/2018 21:20

Give him a banana and a carton of orange juice.

expatinscotland · 28/02/2018 21:21

'Yet I come home to the same comments 'i didn't have a proper breakfast today because you didn't make me any.''

The breakfasts would end entirely from me. In answer to that I'd say, 'That's a pity. Guess you won't have it anymore ever again because God didn't put me on this Earth to ensure you eat properly.'

user1490607838 · 28/02/2018 21:21

Eggs and smoked salmon with toast.

Smoked salmon for brekkie?

Personally, we have caviar, monkfish, champagne, gold-plated after eight mints, truffles, kobe beef pate, lobster, and Gruyere cheese on crackers...

user1490607838 · 28/02/2018 21:22

I'd bin off any man who pissed and moaned about me not making him breakfast.

What a twat.

Original poster
yy558 · 28/02/2018 21:27

Re smoked salmon - Buy in bulk in Costco and freeze. :) then defrost for the week ahead?

I think my issue is that it's the comments that comes across as if it's my responsibility which it isnt and I'm not being unreasonable to say no I don't want to sometimes. But I'm just so annoyed at the comments he's been making.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/02/2018 21:28

'I'd bin off any man who pissed and moaned about me not making him breakfast.

What a twat.'

Yep, or who had these fucking 1950s idea about what's a proper meal. Or who wants a fucking cooked breakfast every day but it too damn lazy to get up to make it and expects a partner to do so. Or who can't get up, bullshit he can't get up, doesn't want to, morelikes. I hate fucking mornings with a passion that only grows stronger with time. But hey, I get my arse up out of bed because needs must. Tough shit. That's life. Diddums.

AdoraBell · 28/02/2018 21:28

If he isn’t a toddler then he can sort breakfast just like any other adult can.

YANBU, he is being ridiculous.

Tentomidnight · 28/02/2018 21:29

Reanimated you have perfectly acticulated my gut feeling on this.
OP, what would happen if you - perfectly reasonably, and some would say generously - made him a piece of toast the same as your breakfast?

lottiegarbanzo · 28/02/2018 21:29

Yes, totally to the 'pre-prepped continental breakfast' instead.

It's nuts that he's still thinking and talking about it when you come home. Sooo, maintain a grudge for 8+ hours vs spend what, 5 minutes making breakfast. That's bad energy expenditure.

Surely, 'you didn't eat a proper breakfast? Yet you wanted one? You are a silly billy, aren't you!'.

It's such an odd one because it seems so very trivial and silly and so easily resolved with a little bit of communication. But, that level of grudge-bearing and self-pitying, self-righteously taking you for granted - and thinking he can get away with it - is very odd.

expatinscotland · 28/02/2018 21:32

'I think my issue is that it's the comments that comes across as if it's my responsibility which it isnt and I'm not being unreasonable to say no I don't want to sometimes. But I'm just so annoyed at the comments he's been making.'

Of course you are not. Just nip that in the bud. 'I'm not here to provide cooked meals daily. You're capable of feeding yourself. You've upset me so much with these snide comments about the breakfast I won't be making it anymore. And I'll be getting myself to work on the days you work from home because it appears you feel like I owe you skivvy duties in exchange for lifts.'

Walk the walk and then seriously, look at this relationship - it does not bode well long-term with someone who 'can't get up' and thinks skivvy duties are your job.

Bluntness100 · 28/02/2018 21:33

Make a deal. You don't make him brekkie and he doesn't get up and drive you. He makes no comments, snidely or otherwise, the time freed up from taking you to the station he can make his own brekkie and enjoy it.

Seems fair.

CherryMaDeary · 28/02/2018 21:34

OP, why do you want to make him breakfast every day on the days you both work? Don't you get sick of it?

Parker231 · 28/02/2018 21:36

Why can’t he make breakfast for you both?