To remind people that some of their comments can be hurtful

[Birdscape]

I have named changed for this. Basically because I was flamed the other day by a few people for no real valid reason. A few years ago I might have been really bothered by this but now it is water off a duck's back. Can I just remind people giving advice (or criticising the OP) that you don't know their mental state and whether they will take things to heart? Some of the comments on here a completely uncalled for and are in fact cruel

Well said.

The silly and spiteful are gaining ground, I've noticed.

AmysTiara they maybe do it to make themselves and their lives feel better, I just don't get it.

I agree OP. Reading a thread earlier, people saying, you’re mental, your poor child , you need help etc to a poster with anxiety issues. That is just downright nasty and unnecessary.

Perhaps mumsnet (other social media is available) is not the best place for you to be on at this moment and time. You can't really control strangers comments on an open forum, so really isn't good for the mentally fragile. Is there anyone else you can speak to?

I was flamed 10 years ago in AIBU....in my thread title I'd put that I was crying...but apparently I was BVVU because might upset other people who put their children in the same position I was once in.

With hind sight my feelings were perfectly valid. I just happened to post in the wrong topic.

So yes, people should remember threads are not created purely for their entertainment.

@ilovekitkats (me too btw, although not as much as dime bars) - what thread was that?! That sounds horrible.

chipsandgin most of the people giving me negative comments had obviously not read the whole thread and my previous posts.

Thing is, other people and MNHQ think that reading previous posts (doing an AS) is somehow bad form.

You are never going to win, people take posts at face value and are maybe a little to harsh not give you the answer you want, people AS and still don't give you the answer you want.

If you put it online you have to accept that someone will not be fully supportive in the way you expect, doesn't mean it has malicious intent though.

I’ve noticed a steady increase of posters being awful to both the OP and other posters on threads. It can often be over stupid things like grammar, spelling or whatever but is just mean!

I do think it works both ways though. On some threads the OP has been pretty rude to people who are trying to help and then tell everyone they are all being harsh.

You get what you give often.

I agree OP, it's downright nasty here a lot of the time. Years back you'd get a lot more interesting debates and humour, I miss it.

I could not agree more with this post. There are some truly kind, considerate people on here with a lot of collective wisdom. There are also a lot of vile trolls who couldn't give a shit who they upset because they live sad little lives slagging people off on MN.

I’m fairly new to MN, but so far I’ve been impressed with the majority of posts being intelligent, thoughtful and supportive. Certainly compared to other social media sites, anyway.
There will be always be the odd person with an axe to grind, or wanting to ease their own insecurities by bullying others, but they seem to be a small minority on here, and usually rebuked by other posters for their behaviour.

I think if posters just think for a few seconds before replying and ask themselves how will what they write help in anyway. Spewing out negative words and thoughts other than constructive advice obviously won't help the OP and other posters, it may for a few seconds give you some relief from your own worries and troubles but I'm a great believer in the law of attraction and the negativity in the long run will come back on you, then it just ends up being a vicious circle.

Honestly, posters that have had a good old session on MN, basically fighting and arguing with others, when you put your phone down for the night and settle down to sleep, how do you truly feel, satisfied, settled and content with how you spent your evening.

but they seem to be a small minority on here, and usually rebuked by other posters for their behaviour. I'm afraid I very rarely see this happen myself.

I kind of agree that there isn't much excuse for nastiness.

But people who are fragile or in need ^shoukd not post in AIBU*

There's a whole world of topics beyond that, and twattisheness does not abound.

I always think it's a good idea to lurk in a site before posting, and surely only a few hours on MN would show that AIBU is not the place for those truly facing real difficulties.

I must be just thick then...I was a prolific poster for 2 years before being flamed in AIBU....actually I thought I wasn't being unreasonable but a Hold My Hand topic would have been a far better place to post.

@Birdscape completely agree with you. I don't see why some people think there's no need for tact, diplomacy or empathy when replying. Surely if you can't say anything nice, or at least helpful, then don't say anything at all.

Yanbu. Honesty is fine but snidey and downright disgusting comments are just not needed

YANBU
I was once asked "do you even love your children?" on a thread. It did really hurt. And yes I love my children

I agree too. Some of the comments I've read here have been jaw droppingly nasty. I can only hope these people aren't as rude and aggressive in person.

If you want everyone to never post anything that could possibly upset someone. what you are looking for is a completely empty forum.

People come on here and ask for opinions and then complain about what they get. it's really easy not to be upset by other peoples opinions: don't ask them to post them for you!

I wonder how many times that has happened, Lei.

I imagine quite a lot. The thought processes that I was going through were very troubling, looking back. Part of me was thinking that if I died, they would feel bad. It was like I wanted to punish them. The truth is, they wouldn't have cared.

I am as tough as old boots. I was also in my late 30s and a mum, so not a vulnerable child. Believe me, I am the last person you would expect to be bullied to the point of suicide.

Tread carefully, guys.

I came to and joined MN because of AIBU. I googled something and it popped up, and I thought a lot of the posts there were interesting or funny or shocking with intelligent responses.

I used to read here loads. Just have a skim when I had a spare 20 mins. I must say in some ways it’s taught me lots, like some of the feminist posts, or politics have made me think. I also like the broad spectrum of views.

However I now find myself choosing other forums over mumsnet. And the main reason why is exactly as the OP says, people being dicks for the sake of it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want it to be all yes men here, but when you read a post and the first few responses on a thread marked as fucking LIGHTHEARTED are shit like “don’t know why you care” or “OP you sound awful”, then fuck that, I’ll go and mindlessly peruse other forums. It’s just dull to read.

What’s very telling is if you ever come to a thread late and it has like 300 posts and you read just the OP’s and they are all perfectly reasonable. If you then skim in between you can see which of the posters in between that are fabricating shit and stirring and just generally being a dick to turn the thread against the OP.

I rarely post so my issue isn’t that I don’t want people being nasty to me, it’s more that it makes such a tedious forum to read.

I do agree though that some people are nasty and don’t seem to realise it’s a real person on the other side. Or they do and they enjoy fucking with people...

Agree OP.

Some of the stuff on here is vile.

I would go to as far as that it is classed as cyber bullying. It's very mean and there is no need most of the time! You would never say that to someones face. Why do it online? Evil.