To remind people that some of their comments can be hurtful

[Birdscape]

I have named changed for this. Basically because I was flamed the other day by a few people for no real valid reason. A few years ago I might have been really bothered by this but now it is water off a duck's back. Can I just remind people giving advice (or criticising the OP) that you don't know their mental state and whether they will take things to heart? Some of the comments on here a completely uncalled for and are in fact cruel

I wonder how many times that has happened, Lei.

Depends on what you posted tbh. You cannot post a controversial topic (e.g. I don't agree with abortion, single mums are irresponsible, working mums are selfish, bottle-feeding is awful) and not expect a flaming. They aren't attacking you, they're attacking your opinion.

I agree OP. People can disagree all they want but sometimes are just downright cruel. The report button would be usless.

Leilaniiii you know that was really why I started this thread. I worked with someone who was the absolute life and soul of the party, always cheery, happy and caring with others. However, she killed herself last year in a very extreme way - none of us had any idea at all that she was depressed.

SusanBunch absolutely none of those and something I was asking personal advice on - was sorry I asked in the end!

cupofcake I LOLLED and snorted when I got to your post. Comic timing perfect

There's a huge difference between robust and honest answers, and personal attacks or piling on the OP.
I'm all for brutal honesty, and think in a lot of cases it's what OP needs, even if it's not what they're hoping to hear. But I've seen lots of threads where people pile in to kick an already beaten OP, or tear them apart over stupid things like SPAG, or incorrect usage of words. It's never quite bad enough to report any single post, but as a PP said if you're vulnerable or upset and you get a whole queue of people insinuating they're thick, calling them names, tearing into them or calling them a troll it could have quite a detrimental effect

Also a reminder that if you come across a thread where someone is asking for advice on a subject you don't agree with then you can just, like, fuck off.

If someone is asking the best place to have a babies ear pierced or best foods to wean a 4 month old or which dog breed will suit their family you can simply exit the thread instead of attacking the OP because you don't agree with what is posted.

Cupofcake ha ha, yours was obviously a joke and for all you know I might smell (goes to check armpits)!

There's a lot of keyboard warriors, OP. And a lot of nasty/cliquey people too. It's important to try not to let them have any of your headspace, if you can.

Having not been on here very much I do find some people a bit harsh, to say the least. It's OK to disagree with someone or to offer firm but fair correction on something, but not to make people feel small or stupid, or to make judgments about them/their lives when you don't have the full picture.

I know sometimes people need a good talking to, but agree with OP's point that you don't necessarily know a person's mindset and harshness could be really devastating to someone looking for support. 'Tough love' is for friends and family to give, not randoms on the internet.

That's so sad, bird. You never ever know what goes on in a person's mind.
The song 'Tracks of my tears' really sums it all up.

Some posters aren'r interetsed in hearing anything that pops their bubble, do magical drip feeds etc when things aren't going their way. I do understand why that gets frank criticism.

Personal attacks aren't needed though

I agree OP I think you can disagree with something but still be polite to the person. I think we’ve lost the skill of debating in this country.

I agree OP but sadly there are far too many cowardly ignorant people out there who hide behide their false names. MN and other places sadly show how often this happens and how for this reason the internet can be a very bad place for any really considerate person. (What amazes me is how helpful threads can be. I'm often left thinking of sheep following sheep when you see one horrible reply after another.)

There are some real bitches on here, a particular comment yesterday reduced me first to a depressive disassociation, then angry. On the other hand there are some incredibly kind people who have helped me in ways that have stunned me with their kindness.

With such a wide range of users some people just have no idea how other people live. The gap between haves and have nots is getting bigger. To some finding a couple of grand means a trip to the bank, to other finding the cash for new school shoes £10 a cheaply shop means going hungry and I'm not just talking about those not working, teachers, nurses and many other are struggling.

Personally I think that being a decent human being is something some people struggle with and try my best to feel sorry for them however privileged they are.

Landed my thoughts exactly. They all just jump on the bandwagon and God help you if you try and defend yourself. To be honest, I'm tough, I can take the criticism on board but it just worries me that others can't. We should all just try and give honest, non judgemental advice without ripping people to shreds - we might need some independent advice ourselves one day!

How do you know the mental state etc of the person making the comments?

Totally agree OP.
Even on non-AIBU threads, people can be awful.

And to the poster above that said you're asking for advice because people in real life would be too polite to tell you the truth... I think you have to remember that people who post frequently on mumsnet may or may not be reflective of the general population...! So they might tell you what they think, but it's possibly not the same as what anyone you actually care about in real life thinks...!

Whatshallidonowpeople well we don't do me?

Maybe the posters who upset you were commenting honestly on what you were saying

Have you genuinely never noticed anyone on Aibu being needlessly spiteful or cruel then? All just people commenting honestly? Because if not, that reply comes across as quite gaslighting. What makes you assume the OP (given her post, which is pretty low key and rational) is incapable of understanding tone and intent, whereas you are?

Aibu did actually used to be more like that. People being robust, but less often goady, and more often funny. I suspect there's lots of people who wouldn't dream of posting there now, which is a shame.

I agree with OP.

Posters have 'opinions' that need to carefully worded. Not slag the OP just because you can and you are hiding behind a screen.

Too many nasty people in the world, tone it down a bit and check what you have wrote before posting.

A lot of posters want to be hurtful though. Especially on AIBU.

Not sure why but they do.

I have seen very rare occasions when someone on here gets properly personal or abusive and they are usually shot down immediately. What I have seen A LOT though is someone asking AIBU, being told 'Yes, you are being VVVU' at which point the OP gets very defensive and starts throwing out insults OR saying 'but I suffer from anxiety', 'but I'm disabled', 'but I'm obese', 'but my child has SEN', as though that gives you a right to be rude and offensive to people offering you advice. AIBU can be harsh - that's the point - but I find most people are reacting to the attitude of the OP rather than just coming on for a ding dong.