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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

His mum teaching me to cook

100 replies

user1490465531 · 28/02/2018 14:59

If you were dating someone who said they would get their mum to teach you how to cook would you take offence at this or see it as a jokey comment.
Know it's a random comment just don't know how to take it.

OP posts:

Remote1candles · 28/02/2018 16:18

I think at some point I might have suggested that my Dad teach my ex how to cook. He taught me when I was young but sometimes it would be nice to have a night off cooking and still have something nice to eat. I think both me and my Dad taught him a few recipes in the end.

I really don't think I'm a Daddy's girl, just sensible that if someone is good at something, they would be a good person to teach someone else how to do it. I guess it's different if you think you are already good at cooking or have no wish to learn more though.

CheesyWeez · 28/02/2018 16:18

If you are interested in learning a new skill then do it. But don't cook for him.

If you don't like cooking or can already cook then don't bother. And don't cook for him.

StormTreader · 28/02/2018 16:26

"He says he can cook but I've not seen evidence of this and mainly he eats every night at his mum's."

Yup, thats what I thought. He's expecting you to take on the role of providing all his meals for him. If you dont want to be in the traditional wife role then you need to put your foot down about it soon and very very firmly and clearly.
He may just not realise theres any other way of doing things and be open to learning a new way of having a relationship but the earlier you find out, the better.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 28/02/2018 16:34

He says he can cook but I've not seen evidence of this and mainly he eats every night at his mum's.

Run away. You're going to be the other woman, because he's married to his mother.

blackteasplease · 28/02/2018 16:44

It sounds far too early for you to be talking about meeting his Mum never mind her teaching you anything!

I'd say something like "nah, that's not for me. Glad she will have taught you well though as you (i.e. he) can cook for me!". In a light hearted way but just putting your marker down (as he is).

Or I'd just run tbh.

blackteasplease · 28/02/2018 16:45

Or just "what are you talking about you muppet"

Justanotherzombie · 28/02/2018 16:49

Nobody would need their Mum to teach me to cook so I can't imagine it.

But in your case, the important question is why do you need to cook? Do you want to cook? Is he saying this purely because he wants you to cook?

SandyY2K · 28/02/2018 16:51

It wouldn't impress me...

RidingWindhorses · 28/02/2018 16:53

Ok. Next!

1ndig0 · 28/02/2018 16:54

Well OP, I had the same thing after DH and I became engaged, except if was MIL foisting herself onto me with the Persian cookery lessons. The way she talked about it was as if it hadn't occurred to her that I might not be massively interested. DH suggested I go with it as it would keep her off our backs about the wedding and also it was her way of trying to "bond" with me because she had no daughters.

All I would say to you is start as you mean to go on. You know where this is headed so it's up to you whether you're ok with it or not.

crackerjacket · 28/02/2018 16:55

Tinder works well, I hear

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 28/02/2018 16:56

If it was meant as a constructive comment (ie his mum cooks certain dishes he likes but you don't know how to cook) then it is different to him insinuating you don't cook anything he likes to eat. The first, I would be pleased to accept as I enjoy learning new dishes and expanding my repertoire. The latter, I'd be pointing him in the direction of his mum or the kitchen and telling him to crack on.

However DH was taught to cook by his mum so we take it in turns in the kitchen, and have learnt from each other.

BarbarianMum · 28/02/2018 17:00

I'd be deeply suspicious. Maybe get him to cook for you some time and see how he does.

My MiL has shared some of her 'traditional English' recipes with me and SiL has shared some really good vegetarian ones but that was because I asked.

cromwell44 · 28/02/2018 17:21

We can't interpret whether it was 'jokey' or not, you were there so are best placed to know. Why didn't you ask him what he meant by it? Were you eating at the time? Had you cooked? Had he? Someone doesn't just say that out of the blue?
It seems an odd thing to say early in a relationship so might indicate that this is his expectation for the future. Be clear about what are your expectations and they might not include reproducing his mother's (or any) cooking.

HildaZelda · 28/02/2018 17:21

Get out now while there's still time.

AnnaMagnani · 28/02/2018 17:22

Run like the wind.

He wants you to cook Mummy's food just like Mummy for him every night of the week.

Even if it was national dishes from another culture this would only be acceptable if you'd seen him cooking them which you haven't expressed an interest in learning more about how to cook them and he'd then said 'well my Mum is the real expert if you want to know more'.

Helsingborg · 28/02/2018 17:25

Run for the hills, they're trying to mould you into their preferred version of a dil. Firstly it's cooking skills, then speech, how you walk, behave and then dress. Stepford wives saga. Run before it gets serious.

IsaidMrDarcynotArsey · 28/02/2018 17:31

He says he can cook! I’d be buying the fixings for his designated dinner ... and calling his bluff. It’s one thing to be offering his Mum’s culinary services if you mentioned you thought she had made lovely dishes. If he thinks you will be replicating the weeks menu under Mummy’s auspices that’s quite another matter! I would say yes once out of idle curiosity - while using the experience to see how the family dynamic works. Wear trainers though, you may need to run afterwards

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 28/02/2018 17:33

Tell him you know how to fucking cook, and if he doesn't like it, he can go to hers for meals!

user1490607838 · 28/02/2018 17:47

That would be a dealbreaker. What a fucking cheek.

I have heard a few women I know who have gone on dates with men they have met online and on dating sites, and one of the first things they asked was 'can you cook?' I would have been straight out of the door. Cheeky cunts...

Like yeah I can, but I WON'T be cooking for you. Piss off.

Some men just want a handmaid.

InaConfusedState · 28/02/2018 17:52

Well there’s only two ways this could play out. Either you’ll end up looking after him or his mum will end up looking after both of you. If you’re happy with either of those outcomes, carry on seeing him.

I very much doubt he will start cooking for/looking after himself if he’s from a background where mum is expected to do everything for dc. I have a close friend from a similar background and she said she’d never marry a man from that background as they marry and expect the wife to take over from mum - and lo and behold, her brother and cousins did exactly that.

Original poster

user1490465531 · 28/02/2018 17:53

I guess that my main worry is that he's a mummy's boy.
Some men want the next mother figure and I don't want that

OP posts:

notmyredditusername365 · 28/02/2018 18:14

Each new snippet you post about him makes him sound less and less appealing op

safariboot · 28/02/2018 18:23

I'd tell them fuck off, I know how to cook, if you don't like it then cook your own.

Idontdowindows · 28/02/2018 18:32

I guess that my main worry is that he's a mummy's boy.

He is. And he's already trying to make you into his mummy.

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