His mum teaching me to cook

[user1490465531]

If you were dating someone who said they would get their mum to teach you how to cook would you take offence at this or see it as a jokey comment.
Know it's a random comment just don't know how to take it.

DH suggested his mum taught me to cook his favourite dishes. It was at this point she pointed out they were all out of tins/ready made!

Anjum Anand? Delia Smith? Rosemary Shrager?? Nigella?

Make it clear to him that you're not interested in any way in becoming his mother, and not interested in him if he can't keep himself fed, washed and clothed without female assistance.

Then if his culture's food is palatable to you, take the free lessons and enjoy.

If he mentions it again, say that you will teach her some of your favourite dishes.

I suppose it depends on the conversation. "I absolutely love X!" "Oh, my mum makes amazing X- I'll ask her to show you" or "Hmm- is this what we're having for dinner? I'll have to get my mum to teach you how to cook" One is OK- the other isn't.

Well if I said "I absolutely love X!" I'd prefer him to say "oh my mum makes amazing X, I'll ask her to show me so I can cook it for you"

I was going to say that if it’s a different culture it may be less insulting...

If you really love cooking and food, and he’s saying it because he thinks you and his mum will enjoy it, fine. Especially if he isn’t interested in cooking or that cuisine.

If he is suggesting it even though you have little interest, because cooking is a womens thing and he can’t be arsed learning, tell him to fuck off.

There's a fair bit of necessary detail missing here. There are so many factors that if present would completely change the way you should "take" this.

Also, a few posters are assuming that this guy CAN'T cook when we don't know that.. Yes you could then say "well in which case he can do the teaching" but maybe there are time issues, working different shifts etc and perhaps his mum is in a better position to do any teaching because of this.

If OP has said something along the lines of "oh I'm a really crap cook" perhaps OP's partner thinks he's found a way for her to learn, presumably at no expense to anyone and I don't see why that's a "bad" offer.

Also if my partner wanted to learn some skill, say knitting or whatever I'd certainly recommend my mother as a teacher provided they get along well enough for this to be possible/enjoyable.

I agree that if OP''s partner is expecting to be waited on hand and foot and not do any bloody cooking him self (whether that be because he's crap at it or just doesn't want to) then that's not cool.

The mother should teach him, then he can show you if you are inclined to want to learn.

Personally I would be running a mile in the other direction, too many alarm bells.

If he's offering his mother to teach you their ethnic cuisine I'd be ok with it provided he also attended the 'lessons' and learnt to cook it right along with me! I enjoy cooking and am always interested in expanding my culinary repertoire.

But if he's criticizing your cooking because you don't 'make it like Mummy does' then he can fuck right off back to Mummy.

maybe I took it the wrong way just I had similar before

Um, don't take this wrong, but if you're saying that TWO men have suggested your cooking might be improved maybe you should take a look at your skills?

Also, a few posters are assuming that this guy CAN'T cook when we don't know that.. Yes you could then say "well in which case he can do the teaching" but maybe there are time issues, working different shifts etc and perhaps his mum is in a better position to do any teaching because of this.

If OP has said something along the lines of "oh I'm a really crap cook" perhaps OP's partner thinks he's found a way for her to learn, presumably at no expense to anyone and I don't see why that's a "bad" offer.

I think him thinking it ok to suggest having his mother teach me how to cook would still be a bit of a flag for me - whether or not there was some convoluted reason why he was an excellent cook himself but couldn't teach me. And speaking as the mother of an adult son, I wouldn't be impressed with him offering my services around - I have better things to do. Says a lot about what he thinks his mum is for

Also if my partner wanted to learn some skill, say knitting or whatever I'd certainly recommend my mother as a teacher provided they get along well enough for this to be possible/enjoyable

That’s what i was trying to say. If i was making the change from 10k to half marathon, for example, and his mother was an experienced marathon runner, then it makes perfect sense. Especially if he hated running and preferred swimming...

How about his mum teaching her son to cook first?

Maybe she already has? Maybe he tried and wasn't particularly interested. Maybe he's brilliant at it and thinks she's a great teacher?

Maybe it was a joke?

Frankly, being from different cultures isn't always easy in the relationship. What his expectations are going forward you'll be able to see quickly: e.g. Has he ever cooked you dinner? Does he do his own ironing or cleaning (getting a cleaning is ok to but Id be concerned if he drops of dirty laundry at his mum's).

I don't know the context of the comment but it might have been nothing.

If he is a fabulous cook because his mother taught him how and he does at least 50% of the cooking, I'd welcome the opportunity.

However if he couldn't cook and didn't do 50% of the cooking I'd maybe take the lesson (because why not) but I'd definitely ditch the momma's boy.

Seems a bit of a strange thing to say, almost implying that you can't cook.

How long have you been together and can you cook? If so then I'd be a miffed at that statement even if he was joking!

And speaking as the mother of an adult son, I wouldn't be impressed with him offering my services around - I have better things to do. Says a lot about what he thinks his mum is for

I know what you mean but the fact that he offered her services implies that she'd be ok with it, or possibly even enjoy it. It's hard to imagine OP's partner would do that if he knew his mother would hit the roof.

Op, so does HE cook?

That’s what i was trying to say. If i was making the change from 10k to half marathon, for example, and his mother was an experienced marathon runner, then it makes perfect sense. Especially if he hated running and preferred swimming...

But the OP hasn't said she was hoping to become a better cook and this was how he responded. It wouldn't be a post. And if he hates cooking he doesn't get to just have his girlfriend learn how so he doesn't have to. I'ts not a hobby like swimming it's a life skill.

Him being born here doesn't necessarily mitigate his cultural expectations or background.

I personally would run like the fucking wind. I think it's a bit disingenuous to suggest that for example if you were training for a marathon and his mother was some kind of expert marathon runner then of course you'd seek her advice.

To me it sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it. Just letting you know how 'life' should be or what his 'expectations' of you are. If you want to be party to that then crack on. If you don't then you know what to do.

So he's an excellent cook himself and thinks you could do with the help or he can't cook and wants you to cook for him?

Of course he were already an excellent cook he could teach you himself...

I worked with a girl from an Indian background who was getting married who casually mentioned to her boss that she was going to need a month off paid leave as she needed to move in with her future MIL to learn how to cook the way her future DH liked. It was not approved but was a real eye opener to how other cultures behave.

Yah, no. Mummy's boy who is already trying to make you be exactly like mummy.

Run. Don't stop along the way, just bloody run.

Ask him why his mum would teach you. Surely she can teach him and he can cook for you?

No? Thought not.

The hills are that way >>>>>>>>

I know what you mean but the fact that he offered her services implies that she'd be ok with it, or possibly even enjoy it.

I dunno. To me it implies he thinks his mum would be happy to do whatever he wanted - another red flag. Or that his mum has said "I'm happy to teach your new girlfriend how to cook" - the flag is getting bigger and redder.

I'm a good cook and my kids know I enjoy it but they don't go telling their friends I will teach them to cook and presuming I'd be delighted for the opportunity.

Well not together long which is why I'm not sure how to take it.
He says he can cook but I've not seen evidence of this and mainly he eats every night at his mum's.