to find this 'Mother's Day' song offensive?

[applesauce1]

I'm a teacher. In assembly this week, the children have been learning to sing the following song:

The lyrics just really piss me off. I understand that traditionally, Mums have been responsible for these jobs, and this song is a traditional song thanking mums for that, but for god's sake, it's just so patronising.

I'd like to thank my mum for being a brilliant role model, for showing me how women can work hard at their jobs and rise through the ranks, for being fun and making me laugh, for showing me that women can do DIY. For showing me how to express my emotions and how to communicate.

The line "without a fuss" bothers me so much. My husband and I balance the roles of the house because we both work full time and when we have children, they will grow up knowing that it is not a woman's inherited responsibility to be a household slave without making a fuss, but that team work makes the dream work.

Anyway, here's the song (attached as an image). If your children sang this to you at school at a mother's day event, how would you feel about it?

Probably not the most coherent post I've ever written as I'm finding 5 minutes to drink a coffee before my class come back!

Get your kids to sing 'She does half the washing, the cleaning, the shopping'. Sounds fairer to me.

Better still?
'She trains us in washing and cleaning and shopping because she loves us so.'

‘She lets me watch tv in my pjs ‘cos she’s knackered after being at work all day’

To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with having a degree, there’s nothing wrong with not having a degree, there’s nothing wrong with doing housework, there’s nothing wrong with not doing housework.

I just don’t want a song which is supposed to be kids summing up what they think about their mums to include a line where it assumes mums would not have a degree and that they spend all their time doing housework.

It's reductive. It reduces motherhood to a set of domestic chores, and disseminates to young children that this is the key element of what mothers do. And in leaving out mothers as providers a crucial parental role it makes women's participation in the workplace invisible.

This exactly. Amazed at how many women are happy to have their motherhood reduced to this though and regard anyone who doesn't as a snowflake or whining or god forbid, aspirational.

Young children aren't bothered about degrees though. They appreciate that you look after them. Mine don't want to sing a song about what I've achieved in the workplace as that isn't related to my role as a mother.

I've no objection to a bit of grovelling gratitude for the domestic stuff (not that I shop, DH does that). It's just daft to word it as 'does ALL the washing and cleaning and shopping', and totally unnecessary. It scans just fine if you change it to 'half the washing' or 'lots of washing'.

While we're editing it, can we have 'looking after everyone without much fuss'? I reserve the right to get occasionally grumpy while doing even half the washingandcleaningandshopping.

I do all the things in the song and I'm not offended in any way

I'm a sahm (with a degree ) and I find it offensive.
All that cooking cleaning stuff has owt to do with being a mum.

I do all the things in the song and I am offended.

I think that bring 'offended' by it is a bit ridiculous. The domestoc work that parents do is often overlooked by children and by the world at large despite being the most fundamental work thatvoarents do. If parents don't provide a great example of gender equality their children can get over it. If a parent doesn't feed their kids, well then the children are going to die aren't they? If they don't take children to and from school then the children won't receive an education etc. While the song sounds a bit silly/dated. There is nothing offensive about it.

Parent though out not exclusively mum. My dh cooks far more often than me cause I can burn water.

This is fantastic. I've been looking really hard for something new to be offended by and this ticks all the boxes. Meanwhile in the real world there are REAL issues to be concerned about. Jeez.

user1492877024

Well, in my world it is actually a real issue. I do most of the cleaning, some of the washing, some of the shopping, all the breakfasts (and indeed the rest of the cooking) and a million other things, despite working FT while DW is part time. There is a fair balance at present, but in the past there wasn't, and DW completely ignored my complaints. I nearly separated, in part because of it.

What really didn't help was that the DCs were at a religious school that tends to extol the virtues of motherhood. The domestic things I did for the DCs were written out of the script because 'mothers did them'. In fact, the school said or did very little about fathers at all, and treated their contributions to families as invisible.

I would be serious pissed off by this song.

This is a real world issue.
Or are you happy with the drip drip drip of women doing all the ‘wifework’? Are you happy for your daughters to think that cooking, cleaning and washing is up to them?
Yes it’s only one song and yes I’m sure your family lead by example but when seen as a bigger picture it shows where attitudes to women come from.

I’m not offended. Just saddened that in this day and age we are still peddling this shit.

SimonBridges

I take it you're not very well travelled. I'm glad that you're privileged to the extent that you see this as a real world issue. Perhaps you are new to MN and haven't seen some of the hardship, health problems etc that some people have. Please trust me when I say that this really ISN'T a real world issue.

People getting offended over such stupid things is why our children are able to do less and less as the years go on. Poor kids will end up doing nothing but generic lessons very soon.

Really shocked to see that people don't think equality and sexism is a real world issue.

I'm well traveled too.

Oh bless you user.
I’m very well travelled thanks. I’ve been on the dole and know about the struggle to make ends meet.
I’ve been on MN a fuck of a lot longer than you have, I have a real user name and everything.
I’ve read enough of MN to see countless women complaining that their partners expect them to do everything around the house. I know many women who are run ragged becaus society expects them to be wonder women juggling family and work. No one asks men about that.

You might not think that feminism is important but feminist care about the wellbeing of all women.

I’m surprised that some people don’t think that the reinforcement of oppressive gender roles isn’t a real world issue, or that a song about an old-fashioned view of motherhood is somehow not worthy of discussion on a website primarily about motherhood.

If only it was an important thread about bad parking.

That song is me; i do all those things and my husband doesn't but i can understand that it's not like that for everyone.

SimonBridges

Not sure why the need for the "bless you" comment but heh ho.

I think feminism is very important, hence, why I don't understand why people like you want to make a mockery of it by getting worked up by non-issues.

I'm not offended by the song at all. I quite like it! Look young children are selfish. That's natural and normal. They notice that their clothes are clean, their beds are made, their meals are served etc but they lack the capacity to put much thought into whether it's in fact quite difficult for the person who's doing it all for them. And actively teaching them to do so occasionally isn't a bad thing. And the fact that dads do these things too is irrelevant. Because it's a mothers day song.

Singingtherapy it can only be argued as irrelevant if they peddle this shite out at father's day too. no? why not? oh, because enforcing outdated, limiting gender stereotypes linking all the housework as a female thing only suits on mother's day.

apart from anything, can you imagine being a female leadership-level teacher at the school, working hard to educate the children about opportunities in the world, possibly missing many of your own kids school activities, marking into evenings and weekends... and then the best the school can do is say thank you for doing all the housework? not exactly a progressive employment environment where your skills and professionalism is likely to be recognised and rewarded, no?

Yes I can imagine being in that position, because I'm in an equal one. I'm not a teacher but I am a health care professional and work full time. My children have no interest in what I do at work. They do have an interest in whether I'm cooking their favourite dinner, whether I'm there to surprise them with a trip out to buy clothes etc.

That's appalling!

And I believe this stuff does matter. I hate the idea that dd would sing this song and think that it in any way defined or limited her role in life whatsoever. It certainly doesn't reflect my life at all.