Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to monitor ten year old DD's mobile phone?

54 replies

mytether · 28/02/2018 11:02

Hi all. My DD has just got a mobile phone. She's 10. She does not have social media on it but does have Whatsapp. I have said that she can text her friends etc but that I can go into it at any time to see what is being said (haven't actually done this yet).

I have said this partly because she is in a difficult friendship group at school - there has been bullying in the past (not by her) and I am nervous of how that might translate online. I also manage the amount of time she spends on it (only certain hours of the day) and she doesn't generally have use of it on her own -she doesn't have it in her bedroom at night for example.

Am I being ridiculous? She's more or less OK with these rules, but other parents have suggested that I am being totally unreasonable and even that this is an invasion of her privacy. I am beginning to doubt myself. Sorry, sure this has been done multiple times before.

OP posts:
pinkhorse · 28/02/2018 11:04

No way are you being unreasonable. 10 is very young. I think it's common to check on teenagers phones up to 15ish

CoffeenoTea · 28/02/2018 11:05

I would say its your duty as a parent to check a 10 year olds phone. I would be looking at it frequently at that age.

AnoiaUnstickMyDrawers · 28/02/2018 11:06

My DS is only 1, so my only experience of 10yr olds is being one. Tbh I would think it's U not to do what you are doing!

Original poster
mytether · 28/02/2018 11:08

Oh thank goodness. Thanks for responding. I had an awful and really uncomfortable conversation with somebody a couple of days ago who told me that my approach showed a basic lack of trust in my DD which was undermining. Interestingly, that person's DD has been accused of bullying and it is partly communications from her that I am concerned about! I wish my DD didn't even have the bloody thing.

OP posts:
Tink2007 · 28/02/2018 11:10

My DD is 11 (nearly 12). She was given her mobile phone in September as she had started secondary school. I trust her implicitly however I check her phone regularly and at different times. She never knows when I will ask for it.

She doesn’t care, she’s happy with the rules.

I think the people who are unreasonable are the parents saying you are the unreasonable one.

flowery · 28/02/2018 11:11

I check my 10yo phone daily, which he knows. He’s on WhatsApp, only since a few weeks ago, and there already have been a couple of verging-on-bullying incidents, people being excluded from groups etc.

Definitely going to keep monitoring. They don’t have the emotional maturity to cope with it without supervision and guidance at this age.

MissisBoote · 28/02/2018 11:11

Yanbu

At 15 or 16 I'd say it was an invasion of privacy, absolutely not for those who are younger.

Graphista · 28/02/2018 11:11

Same rule I had until dd was 16 and paying for the phone herself and essentially an adult (left school and working).

At 10 DEFINITELY not unreasonable and actually I think the parents that DO think this is unreasonable are very naive and leaving their children at risk of bullying, grooming, even just running up huge bills through dodgy apps! And they could seriously do with more online child safety education.

HuskyMcClusky · 28/02/2018 11:11

YANBU.

She’s 10. You would be mad not to check her phone.

ManchesterGin · 28/02/2018 11:12

My son isn’t almost 12 and I check his WhatsApps and other social media messages. I look at the messages on his PlayStation too now and then.

ManchesterGin · 28/02/2018 11:12

Is not isn’t Confused

Todayissunny · 28/02/2018 11:15

kids at this age will be exposed to a lot of stuff not really suitable for them on their phones etc. They are not old enough to understand the consequences or meaning of some of the things they receive and they need responsible adult guidance until they are mature enough to make decisions themselves about what is OK and what not. It is very easy for inappropriate 'jokes' that the kids don't understand to be passed around, threatening chain mails and bullying easily starts.

Graphista · 28/02/2018 11:15

"Interestingly, that person's DD has been accused of bullying and it is partly communications from her that I am concerned about!"

Ahh. ulterior motive AND a poor parent then - instead of dealing with her bullying child she's trying to stop her getting caught 😡 tough!

Mousewatch · 28/02/2018 11:15

Yanbu

My 2 eldest dc have Instagram and I am logged into both of their accounts on my phone so I can check it anytime I want. They don't have any other social media but when they do I'll have all the log in info and check it regularly.

I think it's my duty as a parent to not only protect them but to double check they aren't being rude to others or getting involved in drama that doesn't concern them.

0ccamsRazor · 28/02/2018 11:15

You pay the bill, therefore you should be able to have access, simple.

londonmummy1966 · 28/02/2018 11:16

Speaking from experience - I would keep a very close eye on it as there will be a lot of bullying and nastiness going on as other girls will see it as a parent free zone...Try to encourage her to tell you if there is anything going on that makes her uncomfortable whether about her or another girl in the group. Getting a good dialogue going now about how to behave "online" will pay dividends in the future.

You also ought to have some fairly firm rules about when she can have her phone at home - eg not until after homework is done and not after 8pm so she is winding down to go to bed.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/02/2018 11:16

Of course you have to monitor her phone, that should be part of the proviso of her getting one, spot checks at any moment, and handing in the phone before bed. She is only 10, still very young.

Poshindevon · 28/02/2018 11:17

You are not being unreasonable in monitoring your DDs phone.

A couple of days ago on MN there was a post regarding Sarah Champion MP and her Dare2Care campaign
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/guest_posts/3179632-Guest-post-One-mother-s-story-affected-me-so-deeply-that-I-had-to-find-a-way-to-prevent-others-from-going-through-her-anguish
I suggest you read this post.

Dcdfcdfc · 28/02/2018 11:17

Is it an IPhone? Have you got parental restrictions set up on it?

If not you should. It’s easy to do and means you can control all sorts of aspects of how she uses the phone. … age restrictions, ability to download new apps, ability to delete search history (VERY useful) etc

Android has similar but I’m not as familiar with it.

bittern79 · 28/02/2018 11:17

Of course you should! Ask her to show you what she's playing with on there, monitor texts and WhatsApp messages. Until she's about 14, I'd say... but that depends on the dc, her friendship group, etc.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/02/2018 11:18

It is not your dd you cannot trust (well she is only 10), but others out there. You absolutely should check her phone every day at regular intervals, that should be part of her having a phone.

Lethaldrizzle · 28/02/2018 11:18

I wouldn't give my 10 year old a phone

Original poster
mytether · 28/02/2018 11:18

Yes!! Thanks again everybody. The more I think about it, the more pissed off I am about this whole conversation (and others). My DD has already been excluded from a WhatsApp group by this other parent's DD. When I mentioned it, she said it was because her DD didn't feel comfortable knowing her conversations could be monitored by me!! To which I think ... hard cheese! If there's nothing to hide, there's no problem.

OP posts:
LiveLifeWithPassion · 28/02/2018 11:19

A policewoman told me that she considers parents who don’t check the children’s and young teens phones as negligent.

HuskyMcClusky · 28/02/2018 11:20

When I mentioned it, she said it was because her DD didn't feel comfortable knowing her conversations could be monitored by me!!

Ugh, she needs to cop on to herself. What’s her 10-year-old child saying that’s so private?!

Swipe left for the next trending thread