HELP-sofa stain panic

[starlightafar]

Hi please help!
My son has been pencilling on my cream sofa,
I thought the best way to deal with this was to use the eraser to rub it off.
The pink eraser has dyed the fabric.
What can I use which won't stain? It's on the arm as well so cannot turn cushion over.
Gutted. Everything nice I have the kids always break or ruin. Really fed up of it. Just want a nice house but they act like animals.

I use bicarbonate of soda and distilled vinegar to lift stains.

Does that work on dried stains? And also, does it create a water mark as I am worried about that.
I am just so sick of it. I'm on my own, it isn't easy to get nice stuff but I want them to have a lovely house. They just don't respect anything. Mantel clock knocked off three times since last night. They know, it isn't that they are too little to know. They just don't care. I feel like a skivvy. I don't even have a bedroom to go to as they all have their own and I'm on a sofabed. They have even wrecked that. No point trying anymore.

Well first thing is to lay down some rules with the kids! How old are they? And why can’t they share so you get a bedroom?

The stain can be dealt with I’m sure. You sound v down, that’s the more important thing to address.

Why can't they share?

Thanks Cheby I try.They are 43, 13, 10 and 2.
Admittedly it was the 2yr old.
But everyday is hard work. I just give up.
I thought giving them each a bedroom would meant they could have their own space. But they don't go up at night, my daughter wants to watch soaps with me, the baby needs to stay with me.
If off work I tidy all day. It is fucked again by bedtime.
I don't expect a showhome. But it is getting embarrassing to take them anywhere. I try to discipline. But they don't give a shit.
I do think having a bedroom would make a difference but my eldest boy is so against it, he is very private and would struggle with it.
I cook proper teas, often they 'hate it' but I now make them eat it. There is always food all over the floor afterward, and all over the table. It is like feeding time at the zoo. They just want to sit on tablets all day. I have had a horrible depression for months, I am being supported by a weekly counsellor and nurse.
Honestly, I would probably appreciate support in that rather than a sofa stain which is a symptom of much worse problems.

I don't know about the sofa but you need your own bedroom.
If they don't want to share, well that's tough really. Most children share a room if they have siblings. You need a space that's yours that you can keep however you like.
Rope the older kids into clearing up. I don't have older children, so I don't know how hard it is. But I would be trying to get them to help, they're certainly old enough.
When I was early teens I was asked to keep my own room clean as well as washing dishes and keeping things tidy.
My phone was confiscated until I'd done what was asked. (Although now would have to be phone, tablet, laptop, any tech they have!)

Posted too soon. I'm sorry you're feeling low, but I really do think your own room will make you feel much better. This is your house. You need your own space.

43? Was that a typo?

If its ruined get a nice throw to hide the stain and defo try double up the kids so you have your own space x

I bought a foam carpet cleaner from poundstretcher in a blue tin, I spilt red wine on my grey material sofa, used that and it got rid of it! Was a £1 I think.

Carpet cleaner stain remover - I think it was the 1001 brand.

I meant 14 not 43!
I also think that having my own room will help. I have kipped on my daughter's bottom bunk but whack my head on the top of it. My 2 year old doesn't sleep. So often in with me.
I get no time. I know I chose to have them but it is literally a day by day struggle.
Would 14 and 13 yr boys not need privacy though? I have been told I could get some social housing but we are in a nice area and though small the house is nice, big gardens etc.
I struggle to get changed as there's nowhere to go, we have 1 bathroom. So I have to do it quickly in the same clothes. No time to groom etc.
Just looking at my rug. Full of stains.
Could cry.

You have a 43 and 2 year old?

Is that even possible?

No, that must have been a typo?!

Oh, cross posted.

I bloody hope they've left home by 43!

Why not put the 10&2 year old together? Prioritise yourself.
What is the worst thing they do that you hate? Tackle that first. If it's the mess at mealtimes can you do a clearing up rota? No tablets/tv until it's clear. While 1 is doing that other 2 blitz living area?

How many bedrooms have you got?

Sorry, OP, don't have any helpful advice. Just wanted to say you sound like a great mum and are trying your best.

Have 3 bedrooms. Two eldest have 2. Younger middle kid has the other. Baby's cot in there.
I kip on a spare bunk, the floor or the sofa depending on how much energy I have spare.
Mealtimes worst.
Yes to make them clear the mess. 2 nearly 3 year old just chucks everything, smears stuff on walls, into everything. Finding it v hard.
Second is living room trashed. I can cope cleaning bathroom and doing beds.
Downstairs gets me down as that's what you see most.
Tidied up yesterday looked lovely. Today you wouldn't know.

You sound very down but good you are getting help with that.
Don’t worry about the sofa... try to remove the stain with bicarbonate/ vinegar and get a throw.
You need to show your kids who’s boss. So get them sharing and have a room for yourself. Delegate some chores and if they refuse switch of the WiFi/ threaten to cancel their phones/ confiscate.Any mess they make, they clean it, not you.

Sorry but there is no way I would give a 14yo and 13yo of the same gender separate bedrooms if it meant my not having a bedroom. There is being a good parent and being a doormat. Kids that age are completely egocentric, totally normal. Of course they will not be willing share if given a choice. You are the adult and you need to say that you understand that is what they would like but it is not possible. We regularly told our kids re. bedrooms that this is the arrangement for now but it might change in the future (odd age/gender mix). You need your own space for the sake of your sanity which you need in order to be the best parent you want to be. Good luck

The older children can certainly help - get them to do the dishes and clean the worktops and floors after each meal - show them the first time and leave a bullet point list of what needs doing. Be hard and check - you need to train them a bit to be more self reliant. You are a skivvy because in being a very kind mum you have lost sight that they need to have respect for all you do and need to learn for the future themselves.

You need to take control and have a routine - you sound like the DC are "ruling" you. Why would the eldest have to share? Have you 3 or 4 beds?

Tell your DD to go to bed when you need the sofa for your bed.Set a curfew time when you need the lounge to yourself. Setting and keeping to the routine will be hard for a few weeks but your DC will adapt. Things will be clear - children need consistency.

You can buy spray fabric stain remover in the supermarket for furniture (Astonish do a cheap £1 one) - but it may leave a watermark. can the covers be washed ? I would protect the sofa with a throw in future if the little one is running about with pens.

TAKE BACK CONTROL

Hugs - I suffer from depression so I know how down you can get. I suggest that you have a serious chat with the older two along the lines of you are old enough to look after stuff/behave properly and model good behaviour for the younger pair. I have 14 & 15 yo so I know that the thing that hurts most is loss of tech - so set some rules (no tech until done properly - I have a large metal box with a lock and if they start slacking off then the tech goes in there until the jobs are done) Make it their job between them to tidy up after meals including the floor - once they have had to clear it up a few times you will probably find that they start policing the younger ones to stop making a mess; having their own rooms is a privilege and that if they don't up their game and help keep the house looking neat and tidy then they will share. A 10 year old is capable of clearing up after themselves and taking on jobs like collecting up laundry and taking it to the machine etc. TBH most teenagers will rise to the responsibility if you appeal to their better nature.

But it is really important you have your own space which you can keep looking nice and shut the door onto chaos when you need to. So decide who moves in with whom and make it happen if 2 yo has bunks then probably easy to double them up with the 10 yo even if it means the 10yo insists on the top bunk....

Look after yourself.

Thank you.
I have become weak. I feel guilty as their dad hated them all, really nasty.
So I try to compensate.
But they have become spoiled. I spend all my life trying to please them, buy them, clean after them. take them places. I have had one night out in 12 yrs. I never have friends round, it is just me and them. There is no one to babysit. I work, then look after kids.
In the time since writing last post the 2 year old has smeared milk all over the tv unit and down the wall.
I am slowly getting control back.
My middle two think nothing of telling me to shut up. My eldest lies to me.
I can't see a way out.

Should change thread title really. Oh yeah and my blind has broken with them looking at the snow.
My charger burned out cos one of them took it and watched tablet whilst on it.
When I buy nice food it goes in 2 days, I have said that is it for the week and stuck to it.
There is nowhere I can go. It is just a cycle of loneliness.