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Original poster

HELP-sofa stain panic

92 replies

starlightafar · 28/02/2018 08:05

Hi please help!
My son has been pencilling on my cream sofa,
I thought the best way to deal with this was to use the eraser to rub it off.
The pink eraser has dyed the fabric.
What can I use which won't stain? It's on the arm as well so cannot turn cushion over.
Gutted. Everything nice I have the kids always break or ruin. Really fed up of it. Just want a nice house but they act like animals.

OP posts:
Original poster
starlightafar · 01/03/2018 11:57

Thank you egg. I will sort the rooms. I also will speak to gp about reducing/changing antidepressants as they are very flattening and I feel tired all of the time. I feel better just since posting here x

OP posts:
mummyoftvef · 01/03/2018 12:13

Well done I haven't read all the posts but wat I've read has been really good advice but I must say that the 2 year old can also help with cleaning up, I have a 2 yr old and can sometimes be a nightmare but she will put her washing in the machine once she's changed and scrape her plate and put it in the sink, it's just about showing them wat they need to do and keep saying it. Good luck with everything

Enuffsenuffsenuff · 01/03/2018 12:20

You have to have your own bedroom - it is amazing you've done without one!! Your children have to learn to live with it. It sounds like they are the ones in charge at the moment and that's not good for anyone.

Make your sons double up and take over one of their rooms. They will moan but they will get over it. They are children - you're allowed to impose this on them. You need your own space.

If they are obsessed with their tablets I would change the wifi password every morning and not let them have it until they've done a list of chores (loading dishwasher, taking shoes / clothes upstairs, putting on laundry etc).

Insist on no tablets at the table, they will soon get used to it.

It sounds like your children are bullying you and that isn't on. You need to take back control and you'll feel better. Good luck Flowers

DollyLlama · 01/03/2018 12:43

This sounds really tough op Flowers

I can’t comment on teens as my eldest is nearly 3 but that doesn’t mean your youngest can’t help.

I’ve been working on getting my youngest to help out for months now, make a game of putting toys away. Great all done! Here’s a coin for your jar! It can be any old coin, toddlers don’t care.

Also, I get her to help loading and unloading washing machine etc. It was SUCH a chore to start with but it’s paid off, she loves helping mummy now and tidied without the promise of a coin.

Obviously nothing big for the youngest but baby steps!

You’re doing great, and there’s some really sound advice on here. Good luck.

Original poster
starlightafar · 01/03/2018 12:50

Thank you all so much
Yes my friend said that to me about a bedroom. I didn't really see it, I still wake with the toddler so am just glad of somewhere to lay down. They all have their space, and I thought kipping downstairs would be comfy enough, and it is, but I know that others think that isn't right, and I do miss the space.
I seem to have excluded myself from my own home. I am there in body, but just to provide for others.
For whatever reason I am scared to discipline them. They don't bully me, but certainly run the roost. I am scared to say no, I am scared they won't have nice things. I tend to submit submit submit and then explode when it gets too much, that's not right then I feel like a shit parent so give in again so theyre happy.
I am working through it in therapy and have school support too.

OP posts:
Qcumber · 01/03/2018 13:00

Wow whatshall, what an incredibly insightful post. I'm sure that will really help the OP, you must be a perfect parent Hmm
You've taken the first steps which is great. Make sure you don't cave, no chore, no pocket money.
You sound as if you have low self esteem. Why do you feel no one will want you now? It's easy to lose yourself in children, but you're still a person, a whole, interesting person just as you were before children.
I think you should try and make some time for yourself to get out if you feel able. Do you have any hobbies? Do you have any time free at all?

Original poster
starlightafar · 01/03/2018 13:07

I have no self esteem Q. I am alive for my kids.
I don't have anyone who can have them, my only break is work. But I am trying to go part time. With my ex everything I had or was has been removed, I am trying to rebuild me but it's almost impossible.
I used to have some hobbies, some required equipment which was expensive and he deliberately broke them.
I'm intelligent, not blowing my trumpet, but have had some amazing achievements but it's like I can't remember the words, or what to do, I just can't do stuff. Like my brain's been half wiped out. I'm still in survival mode only managing to sleep eat and wash.

OP posts:
Flomy · 01/03/2018 13:15

You are doing great OP. Toughen up abit, they will get over it.

Rota on the fridge, or their bedroom door. Once all chores are done, they can play on tablet whilst you cook dinner.

If they eat it all without discussion AND clear the table/load dishwasher they can go on tablet again upstairs whilst you sort 2 year old for bed.

At weekends I tend to cook at lunchtime and have easy pizza & snacks & a treat at 7pm before bed.

Same goes for bath time - late mornings on the weekend. I try to do as little as possible in the evenings when we are both tired.

I have no help either, its hard.

I try to stick by a cleaning rota Mon-Fri afterwork.

Declutter as much as possible including clothes.

Try and do 1 online food delivery order one evening a week, when they are asleep.

Flowers
londonmummy1966 · 01/03/2018 13:18

Wow OP you took some really good steps yesterday - just a warning that it might work for a week or so and then they'll start pushing back so be prepared to stay strong. And do get your meds looked at - there are plenty that don't make you feel tired all the time. Have they checked your iron and thyroid levels - can also make a difference.

Well done

Original poster
starlightafar · 01/03/2018 13:21

I do need to be tougher.
Rota a good idea. We got big pads of paper at xmas so going to let them help colour it in et.
I don't do bathtime on Sunday nights either. Try to go swimming then they shower there!
I like Aldi it's cheap and don't mind shopping. Tesco etc seem very expensive in comparison.
Thanks all for this. It's really helping.
I also have some chronic health problems, disabled really, if I'm honest with myself. So my overall functioning won't improve on a physical level anyway, but mentally, I will be stronger.

OP posts:
Original poster
starlightafar · 01/03/2018 13:23

They gave me broad spectrum bloods but when I went to gp they said I hadn't had a full blood count so need to book another.
It feels heavy breathlessness like anaemia, but the inability to think is the medication.
I know there is the risk of lapsing.
At the psychiatrist Tueday for outpatient appointment. So can discuss.
Going to keep posting here for support if that's ok x

OP posts:
butterfly56 · 01/03/2018 13:25

Op I feel for you.
You need your own space.
The boys should be sharing a bedroom and so should the girls.
You are the head of the household not your children.
Stop letting them dictate what goes no in your own home.
I would change the bedrooms around today with the help of the teenagers.
If they don't respond well to this situation just unplug the wifi router and lock it away until they agree to your terms.
Get a lock on cupboard/wardrobe.

It may seem extreme but you are being far too nice and over compensating which just leads to even bigger problems in the future.

ConciseandNice · 01/03/2018 13:29

Much love to you starlightafar. The fact is you were abused for a long time and this of course means you don’t put yourself first and give yourself the respect you deserve. It will come. You are free at least from an abusive ex. This is half the battle. After a couple of weeks of discipline things will change dramatically. It’s a truism, but kids need limits. A lot of acting out is them demanding you bear the burden of adulting and decision making. Getting your own room is a great start to the ‘I’m the Boss. Not the Servant.’ Conversation. Massive luck to you. You will get there. You are so strong. Don’t underestimate yourself. Xxx

MayFayner · 01/03/2018 13:29

I seem to have excluded myself from my own home. I am there in body, but just to provide for others.

Everything you've done has been because you want to put your DC first. But it hasn't worked out because you've neglected your own needs so badly. It's a weird thing but once you start putting yourself first once in a while, you have so much more to give as a mother. It took me about fourteen years to realise that! (My DC are 16, 3 and 2).

I hope this thread is the turning point for you Flowers

Original poster
starlightafar · 01/03/2018 13:34

Thank you all.
This is the turning point for me.
I do think I'd be a nicer parent if I had more time and space.
And yes to worse consequences later.

OP posts:
Dragongirl10 · 01/03/2018 13:35

OP, you really need to take bedroom.

Then you need to write down all chores divide them up amongst you and the elder ones and put it up in the kitchen, be really tough about sticking to it, threaten to disconnect the router for any bad behavior or cheek!

Mine are 10 and 11 and they load/unload dishwasher/ put washing in laundery, fold and hang washing. tidy rooms and look after their pets without being asked, if they don@t the screens go for 24 hours.( only happened twice!)

The difference is that l do not think they won't love me for disciplining them, on the contrary they understand it is kind to help. Please set boundaries, they use the house they need to contribute effort.

As for food ban them just helping themselves except for fruit and nuts and cheese, everything else they have to ask, works for us.

Good luck op hope you start to feel better soon.

Jojomarsz · 01/03/2018 13:38

Haven't read all posts so sorry if duplicating, but if you have house insurance you might be able to get your sofa cleaned/replaced using that.

Original poster
starlightafar · 01/03/2018 13:57

Thank you. Wow yours are well trained!

OP posts:
HotCrossBun12 · 01/03/2018 14:15

A cream sofa was tempting fate a bit! Good luck with stain removal

HotCrossBun12 · 01/03/2018 14:18

I'm just jealous because my sofa is old and gross

selftitledalbum · 01/03/2018 14:22

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HRoosevelt · 01/03/2018 15:32

Well done OP on making such positive strides already. Stay strong, you know it's for everybody's benefit in the end.
And just let unhelpful posts wash over you.

eggncress · 01/03/2018 15:38

We know you came on here asking for help with your sofa stain, rather than complaining.
Well done and keep it up!
Hope you are having success with the sofa too!

Qcumber · 01/03/2018 16:21

Ignore the ridiculous posters who are very perfect parents and never make any mistakes Grin
I'm sorry your ex destroyed your things. Could you see if you can get any second hand?
I think we are having very similar problems with our health. I've also had bloods which show nothing is 'wrong' but I'm exhausted, dizzy and breathless most of the time. I've started taking a b12 and iron supplement because the reading were a bit low. I was on ADs but recently came off them and I'm actually feeling a lot better for it. But don't do this is you don't feel ready.
Are you friendly with any colleagues? Could you suggest meeting outside of work? Maybe rebuild a friendship group that way? Or mush is a good app for meeting other mums in your area. I've used this and made a good friend out of it.

Kikashi · 01/03/2018 18:52

starlight you sound like you have been through a really traumatic time. Perhaps you have ptsd - often when the main trauma is over and you are starting to relax the body kind of gives in and headaches/dizziness/anxiety/ panic attacks/severe fatigue etc kick in like the body has been running on empty for too long and teh mind over loaded. Glad you have an appointment to talk with a professional.

Must have been tough on your DC too.