to worry about this man

[AdaBoom]

Name changed as this is quite weird, please bear with me:

I've known him, (let's call him John) for quite a few years and never had any reason to think he had a family: think lonely Christmases, etc., he always works, including weekends and bank holidays, lives alone.

After DH and I started chatting with John/seeing more of him, he told us about his wife, who is from another country and lives about 3 hours away, they don't have children. Nice to know he's not on his own. So far so great.

Except that the more we get to know John and the more he talks to us, the louder alarm bells are ringing; basically we can no longer ignore the fact that his wife sounds like a textbook scammer.

AIBU to ask WWYD?

What are you asking? What kind of scammer is his wife?

And....

Hoping for the wisdom of Mumsnet.
Anyone with similar experience?

Of what? You have not explained your concerns clearly.

In what way?

Clear as mud. We need more details.

Your post is not very clear, do you mean that you think the wife is a figment of his imagination?

Why does she live 3 hours away? How did they meet?

What is she scamming?

It seems like you've missed a paragraph out.

I am not saying that I know for sure that she is one, but a lot of things sound strange.

For example, he sold his house recently in order to relocate with her to another part of the country, apparently she was happy to go there and live with him. He found a job there, resigned from his jobs here.
The house was sold but she then changed her mind about moving.
He now lives in a bedsit, and is back at his old jobs. She still lives in the same place. With her brother.

She lives in a house that had been sold?

If he went back to his old job, why not his old house too? Sorry, I'm not getting this.

Are you concerned that she married him for a visa and they live apart because she technically has another life/family but is ti some extent supported by him but they don't have a real relationship? Just trying to read between the lines.

I know, clear as mud. Sorry.
No, I don't think she is a figment of his imagination, I think he might be taken for a ride.
They met at a church thing.
She does not seem to want to have anything to do with him, apart from enjoying his money.

So you think he sold the house to move and gave her the money?

No I think I get it, he sold his house to please her then he bought a house that she now lives in with her brother, not him. He has just gone back to the jobs he had before...lives in a bedsit.
I dunno... does he visit her at weekends or what?

seren85 Yes!
They have never lived together. He pays her rent in a big city. She goes back home quite a lot.

How does he know it is her brother?

Sounds more like he’s making things up.

Did you post earlier on today? Is he your BiL?

What exactly is your concern?

Ok, sorry everyone, I am not explaining this very wel.
He had a house, inherited from his father, in which he lived, in the country (pricey area).
They never lived together, he met her at a church thing in a big city, she is from West Africa, they get married.
She carries on living in the big city, with her brother who appeared after the wedding.
He carries on living in the country in his house, working 4 jobs.
She doesn't work.
She doesn't miss him because 'she is happy when he is busy and making money'.

Then she says she would be happy to move in with him, only not to his house, but somewhere else. He finds a job somewhere else, sells his house. She changes her mind.
Now he lives where he always used to, only in a bedsit.
The money from the house is invested. She looks after it.

Vladimir, no, not me. Is there a similar thread?

Yeah when you put it like that it doesn’t sound great

Crunchy, exactly.
Lemony, he is not. Not the sort.

Does he check the investments regularly??