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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask cycling widows how they cope?

60 replies

KingDavos · 27/02/2018 18:42

Just that really. DH goes cycling at least one whole day per weekend and if he’s training for an event it’ll be both days. I’m left at home looking after two under 5s with no family support nearby.

He says it’s his hobby and he works hard all week and deserves to do what he loves, but it doesn’t feel very fair. I’ve asked him to cut down but it never seems to happen. How do other cycling widows cope with being left on their own all the time?

OP posts:
Kittykatmacbill · 27/02/2018 18:47

I go running, he looks after the kids (both under 5 if that matters). He gets go riding until Saturday lunchtime, and I do a long run Sunday morning normally back to take the kids swimming before Sunday lunch. You just need to have your thing too.

MrsJoshDun · 27/02/2018 18:50

No small kids so I joined the gym and spend about 20 hours a week there. Now dh moans.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/02/2018 18:50

That's a bit rubbish OP. Could he not alerternate the weekends and do a night ride in the week? What down time do you get?

OliviaBenson · 27/02/2018 18:56

Have you worked out what free time you get? I'd play him at his own game and get up and out the house one weekend and leave him with the kids.

BikeRunSki · 27/02/2018 19:10

like this

SingingSands · 27/02/2018 19:58

We had a blazing row about it and I threatened to throw his fucking bikes in the canal.

He genuinely didn’t see the problem. I can only presume he thought cooking, cleaning, housework and childcare was my equivalent hobby.

Things are better now, it was yeas ago and the kids are much older now. He’s still massively sporty - cycling, running and gym every week - and the summer time is the worst, as I’m sure you know; but I’m better now at making sure I get my time alone/family time and he’s better at not over-subscribing his weekends/evenings.

specialsubject · 27/02/2018 20:00

Should have thought of this before he took off the condom. Having kids means you have less free time. That's the deal.

nevergooglenevergoogle · 27/02/2018 20:02

I have the opposite problem. DH was a cyclist when we got together. I'm all for the cycling, less enthusiastic with the ritualistic taking apart and putting together of bikes but anyhow, he hasn't cycled for the past year and is miserable as a result. Wish he'd find the motivation to get back to it. He's here ALL weekend Hmm

Helspopje · 27/02/2018 20:02

I ride, he runs or rides.
We have 3 little ones.
As long as I am home in time to breast feed the littlest noone gets annoyed.

parrotonmyshoulder · 27/02/2018 20:08

I’ve taken up various hobbies that roughly add up over the week to his cycling. Still struggle a bit with his need to add an hour long bath to the end of the long Sunday ride, and to ‘have a lie down’ after his self-inflicted long cycle commute (perfectly good car to use and could leave an hour earlier to pick up DC sometimes so I don’t have to).

It’s taken a few years, some counselling, and several genuine moves towards thinking about divorce for me. I think, at the moment, we might have cracked it and found a tentative balance.

kaytee87 · 27/02/2018 20:11

This has nothing to do with cycling and everything to do with your husband being selfish.
My dh also loves cycling, golf and football. He's majorly cut back on all 3 hobbies since we had ds. If he goes for a cycle now he times it so a good part of the cycle is done while ds is having his 2-2.5 hour nap.
When do you get any time for yourself at the weekend?

kaytee87 · 27/02/2018 20:12

Dh will also ask me if I'm ok covering the childcare if he's planning something and vice versa.

Does your husband not understand he's a parent?

Yellowshadeofgreen · 27/02/2018 20:13

Your DH is neither pulling his weight nor being fair. I work full time (as does DH) if we both took your DHs attitude we’d never have family time. We both have hobbies running and cycling (DH is pretty competitive at both) but we balance these with family life (early mornings,turbo sessions in winter) Your DH is being a selfish arse. That is difficult to deal with I’m afraid.

NerrSnerr · 27/02/2018 20:15

Start arranging things on the other weekend day when he’s only doing one day and leave the children with him. I bet he doesn’t realise how tiring it is to look after small children.

YellowVinyl · 27/02/2018 20:16

I lost my shit and now DP does sessions on his turbo trainer on a week night once dd is in bed instead and occasionally does a 2 hour ride on a Sunday. He races and was out on the road training for hours and hours so this is a really good compromise for us.

ivykaty44 · 27/02/2018 20:19

Buy a bike, start riding with a club & leave him home with the dc 😂

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 27/02/2018 20:20

My DH gets up at 6am on the weekend to get a 3 hour ride in each day while we are lazing around in bed. Then we get on with the rest of the day. Time off for hobbies should be fairly split so this is how he squeezes in extra.

StealingYourWiFi · 27/02/2018 20:21

Does he have a turbo trainer?

Boomerangb0bby · 27/02/2018 20:22

Take up cycling yourself?!

I’m a cyclist too. (I started cycling before I met DH, not because of him.)

I’m currently very pregnant with our first so not cycling at the moment. When possible, I’ll resume cycling with my women’s club on a Sunday and DH will go with his cycling club on a Saturday. We’ve agreed that in advance.

If you don’t fancy cycling, find yourself a hobby (could simply be drinking coffee with a good book in a cafe) and tell your DH he’ll be looking after the kids while you do your hobby.

Unescorted · 27/02/2018 20:24

Dh took the kids with when they were that age.... One on a seat and the other on a tag along or both in the trailer. DD has now decided it isn't for her but DS and DH can be gone for weeks. The 2 have great adventures.

JaniceBattersby · 27/02/2018 20:26

When you have kids, one of the sacrifices you make is that you have less free time. Spending a whole day every weekend on something you fancy, while the other person does the shit work, is just not possible when the kids are little.

I love shopping. Really, really love it. Would it be ok if every Saturday I set off at 8am to go shopping and then didn’t return until 4pm, then needed a ‘rest’? No. So I don’t do it because I’m not a twat.

I’ve given up my career (temporarily, hopefully) my body, my sleep, my spare cash, most of my hobbies and all of my free time to have four kids. My husband has had to give up playing cricket every Saturday in the summer. I think he got the better end of the deal. So does he.

Chinnychinnychinnychib · 27/02/2018 20:26

I run, and DH did all the childcare while I trained for a marathon. He was miserable. We’ve agreed I won’t do another one until the children are much older. I do half marathons instead. I’m sad about it but it’s a marriage. You have to find the compromise.

SpiritedLondon · 27/02/2018 20:28

I was about to suggest a turbo trainer too

Somerville · 27/02/2018 20:29

You're a married women with a selfish or thoughtless husband. Not a widow, FFS.

FireCrotch · 27/02/2018 20:32

I could have written this. My dh also has rollers that he uses every night without fail. The house shakes. We have lost the hallway and dining room now. I had to buy a small dining set to stick in the corner of the living room so the kids have somewhere to sit to eat and do homework. This week hes had man flu and it'sbeen bliss. He's in bed early and I can watch tv in peace after the kids go to bed.

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