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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be worried something's happened?

88 replies

turtlerock · 27/02/2018 15:07

I've been phoning my parents since 11am and the house phone is ringing out. Mobiles straight to answerphone.

They are mid/late 60s and not in good health. My mum is very unwell and my Dad had a stroke a few months ago.

My mum very rarely goes out and if she does it's not for long especially when it's so cold. She would normally answer the phone eventually however she is prone to falls and is unable to get up herself. It takes a long time for my Dad to help her up.

We are in the process of various referrals - social work, physio, occupational therapy etc as this had been quite a quick downward spiral and she only very recently got a diagnosis.

I'm am of work ill with a stomach bug at the moment so had have been lying here ruminating over something bad having happened. I have anxiety so I may be overreacting.

I know no one can answer if I'm worrying over nothing but I'm just imagining the worst. If either of them have been admitted to hospital they won't have my number on them, will think I'm working and probably won't think of another way to get hold of me.

How long should I leave it before doing something and what should I do if I need to?

OP posts:
diddl · 27/02/2018 15:32

What tyoe of phone is it?

Might they have unplugged it or turned the volume off/down?

Is one of them usually near it?

Do you generally know what days they go out or have appointments?

Original poster
turtlerock · 27/02/2018 15:32

He can't rearrange his appointment it was a cancellation for a hospital appointment for tests he's been waiting for for over 3 months and he was only told of it today when they phoned at 11.30am.

He will pop in on his way back when I ask him to.

OP posts:
ladymelbourne1926 · 27/02/2018 15:32

Honestly I'd ask your husband to rearrange and go check.

diddl · 27/02/2018 15:34

I think that if your mum is prone to falls & you don't want to wait for your husband then I'd phone the police.

Then look at installing the lifeline(?) service.

RavenLG · 27/02/2018 15:34

I live 15 minutes away .. seriously though? I know you're ill but if I lived 15mins away I'd be puking in the street but getting my arse there if I thought something that awful had happened.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 27/02/2018 15:36

No point phoning the hospital - if they are there the hospital would've contacted you.

I really hope everything's okay - they've probably just left the phone off the hook.

SandyDenny · 27/02/2018 15:36

I'd be worried in your shoes although it might be something as simple as having switched the sound off on the phone.

There are so many hospitals around me that it would take less time in a taxi than to ring them all. Can you really not pop out for 15 minutes, what if they need help urgently?

Is it freezing cold where you are, I think you need to be acting quickly

RatherBeRiding · 27/02/2018 15:37

Presumably it's far too late for OP's DH to rearrange his appointment, and anyway he's an hour away and expected back within an hour, hour and a half. I'd ask him to call there on his way home.

MirriVan · 27/02/2018 15:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cath2907 · 27/02/2018 15:38

I guess I'd say do you genuinely think something awful has happened and what would you do if you found out it had? Let's say one of your parents is in the hospital and the other is there with them... How would knowing this help, you can't get there you are still sick. Your husband can't go he still has his appointment. It is really unlikely they both had a fall at home and neither can get to the phone.

I guess what I am saying is that waiting for your husband to be able to pop round and check seems the most sensible option. If it was one aged parent home alone I'd think differently.

diddl · 27/02/2018 15:41

No friend or neighbour who could go for you?

This is something I would do for someone I barely knew for the sake of the parents tbh.

SmokedPaprika · 27/02/2018 15:43

If getting a taxi is only an issue because of your need for the bathroom, then could you not ring a taxi company near your parents and ask them to go and knock on the door, if all is well continue to your house for payment.
Maybe consider one of those remote cameras in the kitchen so you can check on your phone whether they're up and s out and doing normal things. I know someone who can tell when their elderly parent puts the kettle on, they get an alert to their phone. So no alert by 8am they pop over to check. Only works with tea lovers obviously!

slug · 27/02/2018 15:44

It could be something as simple as the phone line being down, especially if you are in a snow area.

My in-Laws turned up in a panic one evening. They had been trying to phone us for days and we weren't answering. Unbeknownst to us the phone line was down. The internet was still working so we hadn't picked up on the land line not behaving.

Original poster
turtlerock · 27/02/2018 15:45

Neither of them are at the hospital. I've just realised I don't have a clue of any of their neighbours surnames. They don't get on with them.

I'm going with the phone off the hook scenario. Never happened before but there's a first time for everything.

I absolutely cannot travel at the moment between throwing up and diarrhoea and my 2 year old who I can just about change the tv channel for.

I will wrack my brains for friends etc nearby until I hear from DH.

OP posts:
Thistlebelle · 27/02/2018 15:46

Do you have a good friend who drives who could go on your behalf?

ButtMuncher · 27/02/2018 15:46

I hope all is OK, and I understand why you can't get there either - sickness bugs are bad enough without having to travel AND cart a 2 year old about - and no taxi would take you if you were going to chuck up repeatedly anyway. Driving and being sick would be dangerous, especially in this weather (if you have snow, of course).

MirriVan's suggestion is a good one - you may be able to find a number for someone nearby your parents who would be prepared to drop round. I know I would for anybody in need.

Failing that - call 101 - non-emergency police line who could always advise further. If your husband cannot get there until 5pm, they may offer to go round and check but I do think that if you are in a bad weather area the chances are they will be very busy.

Could you get a close friend to pop round? Or someone from a baby group/toddler group who you trust and wouldn't mind?

blueskyinmarch · 27/02/2018 15:47

I am guessing phone issue too. Hopefully it won't be long until your dH can pop in and check.

coffeemugged · 27/02/2018 15:47

This happened once with me a n my grandparents and yes the phone was off the hook. When I got round there they were in front of the telly eating their tea!

Hopefully all will be fine - maybe approach a couple of neighbours for contract details for future incidents.

Knittedfairies · 27/02/2018 15:48

Have you asked BT to check their landline? There could be a problem that means their phone doesn’t ring, even though it sounds like it is to you.

ButtMuncher · 27/02/2018 15:48

OP - if they live by a shop, or a school etc - you could always ask a member of staff whether they would mind checking through windows. It's a bit of a stretch, but if you genuinely cannot think of anybody who would be prepared to check, it might be worth it.

OP - where do you live?

BarbarianMum · 27/02/2018 15:48

I don't think you should call the hospitals. If that's where they are, then they are in good hands and should wait for them to call you.

If you fear something may have happened to your dad and your mum is unable to get up, then yes someone needs to go round.

pudding21 · 27/02/2018 15:49

The phoning for a taxi is a good idea, go get them to knock and report back and then go back to you for payment.

If you are worried enough to see if one has been admitted to hospital, I would be worried enough to send a taxi over to check.

SandyDenny · 27/02/2018 15:52

The phone being off the hook isn't the problem, you've said it's ringing.

I don't want to worry you unnecessarily but that doesn't make sense or explain why the mobiles aren't being answered

MrsMozart · 27/02/2018 15:52

Do gou have a friend who'd go?

MrsMozart · 27/02/2018 15:52

*you

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