To expect some help from my GP in losing weight?

[Chubbychubchub]

I am a fatty. Properly overweight. About 8 stone over normal weight range (about 19st, I should be 11st at most according to BMI).

Last year I had some health issues. My GP said I'd benefit from losing weight. Just eat less and move more were her words.

I have tried. However I struggle to control what I eat, and have zero willpower.

I did go to a well known slimming group previously. It made me ill, though I did get down to 13st. But it wasn't sustainable.

I asked my GP for help. I was told 'all they could do was refer me to the nurse, but she would tell me the same. That was all they could do and there was no other help available.

I have heard of people locally being referred to a dietician, or sent to slimming group for free etc. Aibu to expect something similar, or certainly some kind of help beyond trite advice?

OP, this is completely the wrong section of Mumsnet to be asking for the help you need. In the weight loss section you will find people who understand and have been through it themselves. You can do it.

I’m afraid counselling doesn’t use up calories. Blaming emotions is just abdication of responsibility. It is hard. Really hard and being fat makes exercise harder, makes it more embarrassing but is part of the solution.
You’re not disgusting, your not worthless, you are fatbthough. You want to change so small steps.
Have you thought about a portion plate? They are very easy and very effective at changing eating habits. You need to change your diet in a way that is sustainable.
Breakfast have wholewheat cereal - shredded wheat or variations are good at filling you up until lunchtime. Have a smoothie too.
You say you don’t drink much. Drink low calorie hot chocolate or cuppa soups as a way to get a sweet ‘hit’ or to feel more full. Tea is excellent for all sorts of reasons. Drink a half pint of iced water before each supper.
Make a nice salad for lunch - ditch the crisps! How you can eat high fat crisps and sandwiches when you have gallstones, I don’t know. Increase your fruit and veg intake. Make some delicious vegetable soup and microwave it at work or take a flask. Bulk the soup with pearl barley, rice etc.
Give up bread completely. People lose stones just doing that one step. Certainly don’t bulk up your main meal with bread.
Your supper could be healthier for you all. Lasagne is fine occasionally but very heavy as an everyday supper.

Ideas might be

• stir fry with chicken, prawns, lots of vegetables and a few noodles.
• baked potatoes with cottage cheese or baked beans
• roast vegetables with roast chicken but ditch the Yorkshire puddings and swop potatoes for sweet potatoe roasties.
• pasta with a tomato sauce with roasted Mediterranean veg.
• risotto with veg, tomato, mushrooms topped with chicken or fish.
• baked fish cakes and veg.

You’ll have less issues with your gallstones too! Your current diet is quite high fat. Boost your protein intake. Fill up on veg.
Empty house of junk. Leave fridge with good snacks - carrot sticks, celery sticks, cherry tomatoes, pickled onions, nuts.

You might not be able to run but walk everywhere. Use your stairs to do half an hour going up and down each day. A 12 hour shift is hard - is that every day? Can you reduce it so you have some time to socialise and look after yourself?
Give up alcohol for now.
Build in treats that you earn by healthy eating or weight loss. Tell yourself you’ll have your nails done at 5lbs off, have your hair done at 12lbs. Have a meal out with your partner/husband at 20lbs etc. The rewards tell you you are definitely worth it and give short term boost.
Good luck.

Chubbychubchub
Your post of 18.31 is honest and self aware and brave, imo.
Go back to your GP and say this. Ask for some psychological help to tackle the causes of your problems with food. If they cant offer help then try all other avenues (some good suggestions upthread).
Yes, you need to change what/amount you eat too.
Again, great suggestions upthread.
But you need support to help you achieve this.
Best of luck to you.You are a survivor and an achiever.
You've already taken the first step and you WILL get to the other side.

OP please get this thread moved to weightloss

AIBU is a horrible place if you're feeling vulnerable. People rarely bother to read the whole thread, and will keep posting the same "get a grip" comments.

Look after yourself.

bit harsh, the OP is still suffering from the abuse she received from her ex
No, not really harsh at all.

kinorsam
Have you even read this thread and seen the OP's attitude towards everybody??:

Yorkshire puddings?? Are you crazy?

Echoing the poster just now who said to go and see what can be done about the gallstones. They are absolutely horrendously painful but can be dealt with!

Try to have a mindset change about food. Right now you’re using food as a way to both soothe and punish yourself. Your weight is an overbearing thought that feeds into this negative cycle.

How about just forget the weight for a minute. For the next couple of weeks concentrate on finding a weeks worth of food and recipes that are healthy and you find pleasurable. Try to recast the mindset I to one where food is a pleasure but also healthy fuel - an act of kindness to yourself. Chop up some fruit and arrange it nicely on a nice plate - make it look nice. When you eat it enjoy it, like a treat. Consider it’s healthy fuel, and an act of self care.

As long as you see food as a tool to hurt yourself with this is going to be a painful battle. Reframe the issue - you are going to eat for optimum health Small steps, small changes, done not to punish but to nurture.

MFP is really good for this because it shows you nutrient levels.

Oh I'm not just angry at my Ex I'm angry at lots of people. Myself included.

While many have been helpful, quite a few have been nasty. I know some people do it in the guise of 'tough love' but I'm afraid that doesn't wash with me and it's simply an excuse for bitching. It's the same as misquoting me, trying to deliberately make me look stupid, score points etc.

I have the emotional resources to get me through the day. That's about my limit.

I'm not in pain with my gallstone now I know what to eat and what not to. Not had a bad attack in several months. Surgery is an option but not essential as I am managing the pain and at my weight of course they would rather not operate if avoidable.

I haven't told my GP about my past relationship and the abuse. Mainly because there didn't seem any point, no one believes me, or else they say I am exaggerating. It wasn't that bad, etc. Even my current partner thinks I am being over dramatic about it.

Could you afford to see a dietician, OP? No need to wait for a referral then. They have much more time and specific expertise than a GP.

If you do lose weight there’s a strong risk of gallstone recurrence, so just bear that in mind. I had them in pregnancy from losing weight from hyperemesis. Absolutely fucking awful things, so so painful. Just keep an eye on it.

what if the Yorkshire puddings comment was aimed at Me, yes. The whole point of SW is to eat things in moderation. If you cut things out then you end up craving them even more and binging. By having a small amount of what you fancy, and keeping a mainly healthy diet, you lose weight. On Slimming World you don't ban anything. Syns are there so you don't be deprived. I'm not saying you should eat Yorkshire puddings every day. I'm saying that one, as part of a balanced meal, well within my syns, will have no negative effect on my weight loss. It's not all salads and kale

I'll come back to the food suggestions later.

I've realised what I actually want is people to bloody believe me. I do very much appreciate posters on here being kind and encouraging (thanks to basseting and all the others who have) but I'd like someone I actually KNOW to say this to me. To have accepted what I told them about my Ex. Instead they've just done exactly what he said everyone would. Either not believe me or say there was nothing wrong. I was stuck with him for years and in the end I worked out for myself how to escape, because no one was ever going to help me. and not one person in real life has ever so much as given me a hug and said well done on getting away from that tosser.
(in fact I got loads of messages from friends after I left saying how sad it was I'd left my Ex and what a shame I'd split up our family).

I think most people on here are offering good advice, not every diet will work for everyone but making some small changes could help a lot.

So what makes you think that being referred to a slimming group and not having to pay for it is going to make it work? You say you’ve already tried a group and the weight loss wasn’t sustainable?
You have to be in a calorie defecit to lose weight. There are 3500 calories in 1lb. So in order to reduce your weight by 1lb a week you need to reduce your intake by 500 calories a day.
I know it’s not as simple as that and it will take a tremendous amount of effort to undo the habits and ways of eating you’ve been used to for so long. But all a dietician would suggest is a meal plan and you’re the one that has to implement it so the motivation has to come from within.

So what you’re implying is that you have all this anger, you can’t turn it outwards onto people who you want to believe you. You want to, you’re angry at them, but you can’t. So you’re turning it all in on yourself.

Look I don’t know you, but I know the kind of tosser you mean. They leave wreckage in their wake. I believe you.

Now: to go forward through this. (This sounds a bit like I’m telling you off and I’m not!) you cannot rely on external sources of validation for your happiness . It’d be wonderful if there was always some kind of closure on this stuff where finally, finally, people realise what a horrid fuckwit a man is and he faces the consequences. But alas (and just read the relationships board for a million examples) this rarely happens in real life. The fuckwit goes on being a fuckwit, often with no payback and everyone else just gets on with their lives oblivious.

There is no karma. It’s possoble no one is going to acknowledge how badly you’ve been hurt. That’s awful, and I wish it wasn’t so, but IF you can find a way past that and find some sort of INTERNAL validation and happiness then that’s how you win. By living the best life you can.

I hope none of that sounded preachy - not my intention. You’re clearly hurting.

You've made the first step, so keep going! You can do this.

My advice is to look at Reddit lose it and Reddit progress pics. The people who post there are really positive and inspiring.

Don't keep ANY snack food in your house, can the kids walk to a shop if they want a sweetie? If not, get them to hide any sweets away from you! No puddings!

Cut out all obvious sugar, you will soon lose the taste for it. Limit yourself to one bag of crisps a day and maybe one other small snack and officially close the kitchen after dinner. You eat quite late, so this should be ok.

Get dumbells, do wall push ups, march on the spot etc at home, maybe before bed? Walk out doors as much as possible and repeat positive thoughts in your head, for example, I am happy!!! Start easy and you will want to build it up, especially as you've been fit in the past.

Do bulk cooking and freeze it in portions. Cook two big pans instead of one pan each time you feel like cooking. The feeling of organization is wonderful.

Congratulations on ditching the abusive ex, he sounds like a right dick. Be thankful he is gone and forget about him. Good luck X

I believe you OP.

But i totally GET that you want 'your RL people' to do that.
But people can be odd about things they find hard to speak about.
So line yourself up some support from Women's Aid / domestic abuse support line so you have that too whilst you try again.
Tell your GP, call a support line.
You got away. You helped yourself.
Dont try to keep carrying it alone. Speak out.
While you do it, try to consume things to nourish you.

Can anyone imagine saying "Just eat more and move less" to an anorexic? I had an ex colleague who was an anorexic woman. She was warned by her GP that she was weeks away from her organs shutting down. She just wasn't able to eat, found it impossible to help herself, and she died.

It should be blatantly obvious by now that if there is no underlying physical reason for someone to be morbidly obese, then there is a psychological reason, and saying "Just eat less and move more! Easy! Why didn't you think of it before?" really makes me question a person's intelligence.

You know, there may be some joy to be had in being very explicit with the people you know about what your ex actually did.

because faceless sympathy on the internet will not sooth the absolutely fury at the injustice of him living an apparently blameless life while you are left with the psychological baggage of his abuse.

When I managed to finally make my ex leave (had to call the police) my dad kept inviting him to family events. I had to state, brutally, that the bastard had knocked me unconscious whilst pregnant with ds2, and that I still had (and still have!) problems with my right wrist.

maybe next time someone says "ohhh such a shame the family had to break up", instead of giving them a tight grimace-smile and then eating half a loaf of bread that evening, respond with "No, not really, he used to spit in my face when he didn't get his own way and I wish the little bastard would drop dead!"

Op YABU just for your replies and negative attitude.
Sure, In a perfect world the NHS would send you for therapy and this may save themselves thousands of pounds in the future for treating other health issues you will experience because your overweight.
But we don't live in a perfect world, there are thousands of people suffering severe mental health crisis' and they are having to wait months and months and months to have therapy.
You need to make this happen for yourself. Take accountability for yourself. Sure therapy is expensive, but if it could potentially save you from illness and save your children watching their mother suffer from.... who knows what in the future. Then it will be worth every single penny.

It should be blatantly obvious by now that if there is no underlying physical reason for someone to be morbidly obese, then there is a psychological reason, and saying "Just eat less and move more! Easy! Why didn't you think of it before?" really makes me question a person's intelligence.

Exactly. It's a seriously fucking thick thing to say, yet I see it all the time on weight loss threads.

Chubby The biggest secret no-one ever tells you is that eating sugar makes you more (or in my case, constantly) hungry... I know you don't have sugar in your tea, or eat loads of sweets etc. but as previously mentioned, what does bread, pasta, crisps, cereals like granola etc. break down to once digested? Sugar. THIS is why you are hungry all the time. If you can look online for some good low GI swaps for those foods listed above, i.e. porridge for brekkie instead of crap cereal, nuts as a snack instead of crisps, no bread at dinner time, boiled new potatoes instead of mash etc. you will definitely get less of those pesky hunger cravings.

I agree with Kiochab that you may not get the validation you want from RL friends you are NOT wrong to want it but people can and do let us down so prof support is important. Keep trying. You deserve it.

Op i believe your ex was horrendous and it was that bad.

I think you need to focus on your mh before anything else and the rest will come.

Which area are you in? In some you can self refer for CBT without going through your GP.

The freedom project through Women’s Aid could also really benefit you deal with your issues with your ex.

Your partner doesn’t sound very supportive. Do you have any support in RL

Possibly the most frustrating thread on mumsnet.
Everyone believes you’ve been in an abusive relationship OP. You’ve had some people take time to post detailed advice on what worked for them. It’s all been said- I think what you want is for everyone to say “oh you need one on one therapy”. Maybe you do- you’re definitely trapped in a vicious circle. The fatter you get the worse you’re going to feel about life and yourself. But you recognise the triggers to overeating already. You know you’re eating too many carbs. Take the steps you’ve taken notice of from the recommendations.