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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with DS teachers

55 replies

ExhaustedAndHormonal · 27/02/2018 09:07

So parents eve was last night. Due to being so close to my due date and being pretty unwell the last few weeks. With hospital stays etc . His head of year suggested said she would get each teacher to email me my sons progress. ( she offered this a few weeks ago) if i knew it was a quick in and out I could of probably made it. However due to the online appointment slot times first appointment was 4.20 last 7.15..so three hours couped up, fat and in a lot of discomfort wasn't good. So was glad the head of year offered the email service

He has 13 teachers, I've heard from 3. Despite chasing it twice. And both times. She reassured me that they would email me. Again still no emails from the remaining people

However I. Will say my son is not perfect and often gets himself in avoidable situations. And results in a detention or whatever.
Each time they call me and we work out a plan together

However the more I think about it. The more. I get wound up that if he's misbehaving they call or email me in a flash..( even something silly and things I feel the sch should be able u I easily deal with),
When a teacher called last week to say he was being a 'clown' I did make a comment of how it was very interesting how she could call me for that and not regarding parents eve..she was stumped and then said ' she's useless at checking her emails' to which I replied.. Well that's hardly good enough as of DS didn't check his ( homework is set via email) that would result in a detention for no homework.. She cut the conversation short and hung up

Yet they've had now close to three weeks to email regarding his progress and haven't.
Aibu to be annoyed about this or is it just me being a hormonal moo bag.

OP posts:

SoonToBecomeAMrs · 27/02/2018 09:10

You should have gone to the parents evening. Teachers have enough on their plate without additional emails. Imagine if every parent who couldn't make it expected an email from the teacher?

JoyTheUnicorn · 27/02/2018 09:14

I have a similar set up with dd's school as I can't cope with parent's evening (I'm autistic, and spite there being strict time slots the whole thing is a disorganised bunfight). I used to go, but was so stressed I couldn't remember anything that was said to me.
Only one teacher emails though.
In my case I know that if anyone has an issue with dd or her work they will be in touch anyway, but emails shouldn't be offered if they're not going to be sent.

liviadrusilla · 27/02/2018 09:14

Parents evening was only last night? Perhaps they are planning to contact you around the same time as the other parents get feedback, especially if there have been recent tests or homeworks that will form part of what they’ll talk about. I’m sure they’ll contact you soon.

Original poster

ExhaustedAndHormonal · 27/02/2018 09:18

The head of year offered(I didn't request it) . . As I have spent alot of time in hospital in the last few weeks pregnancy related.
I even offered to go a different time if possible when baby born or call them . And she said, no its fine I'll, Get his teachers to email or call then go from there if any concerns.
I could of probably managed an hour at tops but not 3 hours.

Ive always had good relations with the school and DS progress, as well as never missing any meetings or parents evenings etc

OP posts:

Original poster

ExhaustedAndHormonal · 27/02/2018 09:19

Should of said I was told I'd hear from them in the lead up to parents eve.
Maybe they will in a few days then, didn't think about tests etc that they may of wanted to discuss?

OP posts:

DetectiveDog · 27/02/2018 09:23

If it was only last night I think you need to give them more time! Some of those teachers probably didn’t get home until 9pm and parents evenings are exhausting! And they’ll be straight back into class this morning. It’s probably on their to do list for their PPA time. Give it a couple of days.

CitySnicker · 27/02/2018 09:23

Very good of the head of year to up the teachers' workload right around busy parents' evening time wasn't it? Go back to him / her and get them to do the work and put it in a single email for u.

JuliaSevern · 27/02/2018 09:24

I think you were quite rude to the teacher and should have been concentrating on your son's behaviour in the phone call rather than point scoring. Your son just has his homework by email whereas she will have a lot more than emails to deal with. Parents eve was only last night so they are not late

cadburyegg · 27/02/2018 09:25

It was nice of the head of year to offer for emails to be sent to you instead but I don’t think you will hear from every teacher. They are far too busy and YABU if you expect them to make emailing you a priority right now when they were at parents evening probably until around 8pm last night and will be teaching all day today.

Original poster

ExhaustedAndHormonal · 27/02/2018 09:29

I did concentrate on his behaviour and in turn he had a detention and I punished him at home with being grounded and no x box.. I'm always on top of his behaviour as hope one day he'll realise being a clown doesn't get him far.
.
As I've said they said I'd hear prior to parents eve. But will give it A week and maybe call them up or something

And yes I'm. Sure she does have a load more emails to go through however her words were she's useless at checking them...

OP posts:

CitySnicker · 27/02/2018 09:30

Ad hoc reporting (of poor begaviour) to parents is a day to day part of the job....and must be done even if you think you think it isn't necessary. For every parent that thinks it's unnecessary there will be one who goes nuclear if they aren't told about their child's misbehaviour. Written reports when u can make it in for parents evening are an extra. Shitty behaviour on your part saying the teacher should have checked her email. Maybe it's not used as a normal means of comms in the school. Do you even know the hoy has emailed all the teachers?

Original poster

ExhaustedAndHormonal · 27/02/2018 09:32

Yes she has as otherwise the others wouldn't of emailed. I have an email from hoy to state she's emailed the following teachers 1-13 to request this.
I would of been more than happy to call them but they offered. They could call rather than email as I do honestly appreciate their time is precious.. So a call would be quicker.

OP posts:

martellandginger · 27/02/2018 09:34

well in your case no news must be good news. be assured that if he was in trouble they'd have emailed. Unless you have something to raise make sure you get to next appointment or your partner does it instead.

Original poster

ExhaustedAndHormonal · 27/02/2018 09:39

That's very true.
Any issues I do tend to raise with his head of year. As there are some fields his struggling in more and she's great for keeping in contact regarding this and trying to get to the bottom of it all.. But these are just the odd lessons.
The rest I know he loves and enjoys and when he brings his work home I see he's doing well and we go through it together ( so I understand for his homework projects lol)
So yeah maybe the ones they think he's fine with they don't feel the need to contact me.

OK so maybe I am being a bit U.. And its the hormones lol..

OP posts:

kaitlinktm · 27/02/2018 09:46

I don't think it is reasonable to expect them to have emailed BEFORE parents' evening for all the reasons mentioned already - and again, I didn't used to get in until after 9 after a PE - often having to do some prep for the next day. Honestly I would leave it a bit longer. It just won't be high on their list of priorities especially if they have a full teaching day today with break and/or lunch duties - they probably simply haven't got time. I would be leaving it until my next PPA - which might not be for a few days - or if I wasn't picking my own kids up from school and it there wasn't a meeting, I might stay behind and do it at 3.30.

I would be annoyed with the HOY too for volunteering me for extra work - it's not so much the work, it's remembering to do it. And of course she might have offered the same service to other parents.

Baileystruffle · 27/02/2018 09:54

I don't understand- parents evening was only last night so why would you have expected these emails last week, surely you should be just expecting them now? And the teacher did one better than an email and actually rang you instead so you could talk and discuss your sons progress and behaviour and yet you were horribly rude to her instead of talking about your son. Teachers don't particularly enjoy making phone calls to parents so its really good that they are taking their time to do so.

BlueMirror · 27/02/2018 09:59

I don’t think the teacher phoned to give the op a progress update but to complain about behaviour that day.
And it was the hot who said the staff would be in touch before parents eve not the op expecting it!
I’d give it a few more days then email the hoy again and ask if it would be possible for her to speak to the staff and let you know if there are any issues. She will be more likely to see all the staff together in the staff room, meetings etc.
They seem pretty keen on reporting misbehaviour so I doubt there will be anything you weren’t already aware of on that front but an update on his academic progress would be good.

YourDaughter · 27/02/2018 10:08

As a Head of Year I would be a little frustrated at staff if they hadn’t got back to you as requested, or at least got in touch with me to explain any hold ups. However, I would double check with her about the timescale she gave them to get in touch. As pp have suggested it could be that they have been waiting until after parents ev. I’d give them until the end of this week and then email again if there has been no further contact.

It’s not a massive deal to email a parent about how their child is getting on at school, it takes 5 minutes tops, less if there are no concerns. If there are concerns I would say the teachers would want to be getting in touch with home to apprise them of the situation and present a united front.

Completely agree it wouldn’t work if every parent were offered this. But they haven’t been. Op has been unable to get to parents ev for valid reasons, many parents don’t turn up for far less and don’t bother to chase to get information on their child. I would rather parents were like the op than those who don’t give two hoots.

It may be worth asking the HOY to gain the feedback from your sons teachers and then have her collate the feedback to forward to you. Might give busy staff an extra push?

Inertia · 27/02/2018 10:09

It’s likely that the classes have been doing assessments in the run-up to parents’ evening, so the teachers will have prepared the information ready to discuss on that evening.

The teacher you spoke to should probably have said that she hadn’t yet had time to prepare the relevant information, given that a) Parents’ Evening was still a week away , and b) she had to spend her time contacting the parents of idiots who arse about in lessons and ruin everyone else’s education.

noblegiraffe · 27/02/2018 10:10

If parents can’t make parents evening I email them after the evening as that’s when I would have collated all appropriate info. Emailing before just won’t happen as I’m not ready, whatever the HoY told you.

Give them a week, then start thinking about chasing this up.

YourDaughter · 27/02/2018 10:12

And the HOY hadn’t volunteered anyone for extra work. It’s their role as a teacher to communicate with parents. All the other crap we have is often extra, pointless frustration. Talking to an interested parent about their child (who is the reason we all teach!) is a reasonable and dare I say, useful form of spending time.

ChoudeBruxelles · 27/02/2018 10:15

We never get to see all of ds’s teachers at parent evenings. The slots book up too quickly. You have to prioritise who you want/need to speak with

SandyY2K · 27/02/2018 10:35

Your thread prompted me to contact DDs teacher, who promised to give me a progress update as I didnt get to see her on parents evening in January.

She says she'd email me rather than call me.

I've just spoken to her..me he apologised...said it's been a hectic few weeks and she'd definetly email by the end of today.

I understand how you feel. I've had this happen before and had to contact the year head to chase it up.

No doubt you'll have all the teachers telling you YABU.

How rude of her to hang up...she was obviously embarrassed she hadn't contacted you.

Lillygolightly · 27/02/2018 10:36

Haha that’s nothing my DD’s secondary school invited me to a meeting to discuss progress (we moved to the area and had recently started attending the school and parents eve had already taken place before she started) I turned up for the meeting, but nobody else did. I sat in reception for a whole hour (also pregnant) before I gave up and went home. The lovely lady on reception was very kind and very apologetic, I asked her to pass on how long I had waited and to have the teacher call me. I got no phone call, no apologies, nothing. Fortunately DD is a very good student and I had no worries so I let it slide. It was very annoying though as it was the school who had asked for the meeting, I hadn’t requested it.

PersianCatLady · 27/02/2018 10:40

Give it a week and then contact the school.

Individual teachers may have been preparing comments for all of the students in the run up to parents evening and will send it to you now that parents evening is over.

The HOY may have made this arrangement with you but not yet told all of your DS's teachers about it.

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