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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with DS teachers

55 replies

ExhaustedAndHormonal · 27/02/2018 09:07

So parents eve was last night. Due to being so close to my due date and being pretty unwell the last few weeks. With hospital stays etc . His head of year suggested said she would get each teacher to email me my sons progress. ( she offered this a few weeks ago) if i knew it was a quick in and out I could of probably made it. However due to the online appointment slot times first appointment was 4.20 last 7.15..so three hours couped up, fat and in a lot of discomfort wasn't good. So was glad the head of year offered the email service

He has 13 teachers, I've heard from 3. Despite chasing it twice. And both times. She reassured me that they would email me. Again still no emails from the remaining people

However I. Will say my son is not perfect and often gets himself in avoidable situations. And results in a detention or whatever.
Each time they call me and we work out a plan together

However the more I think about it. The more. I get wound up that if he's misbehaving they call or email me in a flash..( even something silly and things I feel the sch should be able u I easily deal with),
When a teacher called last week to say he was being a 'clown' I did make a comment of how it was very interesting how she could call me for that and not regarding parents eve..she was stumped and then said ' she's useless at checking her emails' to which I replied.. Well that's hardly good enough as of DS didn't check his ( homework is set via email) that would result in a detention for no homework.. She cut the conversation short and hung up

Yet they've had now close to three weeks to email regarding his progress and haven't.
Aibu to be annoyed about this or is it just me being a hormonal moo bag.

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 27/02/2018 10:44

Typo

I've just spoken to her..she apologised.

Mistressiggi · 27/02/2018 10:45

There is no reason why the teachers should email you in advance of the parents eve. The head of dept may have said they would but they are not in control of the individual teachers’ workload. You have no idea the number of requests made on a daily basis and while you certainly should get feedback you are very entitled to expect it early and to have followed it up already. You told the teacher their behaviour merited a detention? I can see where your son gets his attitude from! Have some empathy - there are also pregnant teachers, ill ones, ones at the risk of going off with stress - complain about not getting info only after a decent interval of time. They are putting themselves out for you already due to your pregnancy.

EllieMe · 27/02/2018 10:46

You shouldn't expect an email until after parents' evening, surely.

Mistressiggi · 27/02/2018 10:50

Sorry OP i have been harsh given your subsequent (more reasonable) posts and I can see you do work with the school on behavioural issues.

SandyY2K · 27/02/2018 10:50

You shouldn't expect an email until after parents' evening, surely

Well she should if the HOY told her to expect it.

Nikephorus · 27/02/2018 10:51

The teacher you spoke to should probably have said that she hadn’t yet had time to prepare the relevant information, given that a) Parents’ Evening was still a week away , and b) she had to spend her time contacting the parents of idiots who arse about in lessons and ruin everyone else’s education.
This ^^. If teachers have to add making phone calls about misbehaving children to their workload I'm not surprised they don't have time to write emails about progress. And I agree with PP who commented on where your DS gets his attitude from. Maybe you should think about the example you're setting him, then you'd get fewer phone calls and teachers would have more time for productive tasks...

kaitlinktm · 27/02/2018 11:14

It may be worth asking the HOY to gain the feedback from your sons teachers and then have her collate the feedback to forward to you. Might give busy staff an extra push?

I don't know why the HOY didn't do it this way to begin with. I means the teachers get a reminder and she will know where everything is up to.

It’s their role as a teacher to communicate with parents.

They have just spent an evening doing just that - so this bit is extra. Not saying they shouldn't do it but they should be allowed reasonable time.

Talking to an interested parent about their child (who is the reason we all teach!) is a reasonable and dare I say, useful form of spending time.

Very true - but sadly most of my non-contact time in secondary was taken up with talking to not-very-interested parents about their child's poor attitude/behaviour/work - which left precious little time for anything else - maybe a bit of prep and marking, data entry, reports etc.

BlueMirror · 27/02/2018 11:16

I do agree that your tone with the teacher who called was a little unnecessary though op. You could have just explained that the hoy had said she’d email you some feedback about your son. Going in with ‘well it’s funny you can call about this but can’t find the time to email any feedback’ is only ever going to aggravate a situation.

YourDaughter · 27/02/2018 11:19

I’m honestly baffled at the hard time you’re getting here op. I’m a teacher and I’m the first to defend them, but I can’t see what you’ve done wrong! You were told three weeks ago they would be in touch and they haven’t. At the very least the HOY should have got back in touch to explain staff would email, but after parents evening when they had more info.

I get where you were coming from with the teacher that rang you. I’d perhaps have couched it a different way with her, but as your son seems to be struggling to behave in school I would hope the teachers there would jump at the chance of you trying to engage with them. They can’t have that many issues if they haven’t even attempted to get in touch about his progress. Schools use email, if it’s standard practice for communication in this school (and it sounds like it is), her excuse is not relevant. Fine don’t reply after 5pm, have a 3 working day response time, whatever, but three weeks is ridiculous.

You are trying to be a part of your son’s education. If this is the response parents get no wonder many of them are giving teachers a bad press.

Tainbri · 27/02/2018 11:22

I don't think YABU. Yes we all know they have a heavy work load, but the HOY knows your situation and offered, and I personally agree with your sentiment with the teacher!

YourDaughter · 27/02/2018 11:22

kait they’ve had three weeks according to op, I’d say that’s plenty of time!

I completely get teachers are busy (I am one!) and I know how soul destroying it is contacting parents that don’t seem to care. But these teachers have had three weeks to make the time to either contact op about her son’s progress, contact op to let her know they will be in touch post parents ev (this email takes less than 30 second to write) or to tell the HOY in passing around school that they have received the email and will be in touch with parents by x date (it’s then the HOYs role to pas this info on).

surlycurly · 27/02/2018 11:31

I'm a teacher. I regularly send emails to parents about progress if they can't make a parents' night. It's not part of my role and I don't get time to do it. I do it because I'm a human being who understands that you can't always get someone to replace you if you can't attend something. However, other people making commitments for my time, and then getting a passive aggressive response from the person who I'm speaking to about their child (also not the job of an unprompted member of staff) are issues that would offend me. Teachers are stretched to their limits as it is. YANBU to want a response, YABU in your lack of understanding about other people's circumstances. Perhaps your son is picking up on your lack of respect for teaching staff.

Lilonetwo · 27/02/2018 11:41

Parents evening was only last night... And you are cross they haven't emailed you yet?

So the teachers spent their evening discussing their pupils performance with parents (exhausting). They probably got home very late last night and back at school already working this morning from 7am.

Teachers have a huge workload (absolutely huge). Your DCs head of year volunteered her staff to privately email you, adding to their huge workload.

Give them a few days, a week at least. Goodness.

Lilonetwo · 27/02/2018 11:44

I didn't see the bit about being told 3 weeks ago.

Perhaps the teachers wanted to wait until after parents evening (when they had collated all their pupil info, results etc) before emailing you on your DCs progress

itstimeforanamechange · 27/02/2018 11:46

I would expect to receive an email after the parent's evening, not before, so I think you were U on that score.

But I think it's perfectly reasonable to point out the double standards of giving a child detention for forgetting homework, but it's ok for a teacher to forget something. Kids hate hypocrisy.

And even if the teacher felt that you were rude in pointing out the hypocricy, putting the phone down is an unprofessional thing to do.

kaitlinktm · 27/02/2018 11:47

contact op to let her know they will be in touch post parents ev (this email takes less than 30 second to write

Fair point - I wouldn't necessarily have thought of that. In my case though, as well as time, it would be REMEMBERING which is why your suggestion of it going via HOY who could issue reminders would be best imo.

TBH I wouldn't have my stuff ready for PE until the night itself - so telling me three weeks in advance wouldn't really enable me to respond to the parent any earlier. I put so much time aside to prepare for a PE - not including any assessments which may well have to be set and marked - and I would think it was reasonable to include prep for the reply to the OP within that time, whenever I allotted it.

The accusatory reply from the parent would also irritate me because
I presume they were different issues - behaviour as opposed to progress - so I might not have all my marks/grades handy with me when I phoned.

Original poster

ExhaustedAndHormonal · 27/02/2018 12:12

Sorry took a while to reply.. Fell asleep oops.
I emailed the head of year this morning, about something else and kindly thanked her for emailing the teachers and that a few replied.. And I look forward to hearing from the others in due course and Imaybe was confused that I thought they were contacting me before parents eve. I also said if it would be easier to just get maybe one email or call about his education in general that would be fine.

Shes just replied that she HAD requested it get done BEFORE parents evening and that she would then chase it again and expect calls or email within 48hrs.

I do appreciate that are busy etc. I was hurt going by what I was told

OP posts:

Original poster

ExhaustedAndHormonal · 27/02/2018 12:17

And yes I admit fully I was probably a bit rude. However when they call over slight things.. I mean imo not worthy of a call home it makes me think sometimes they do have a bit of spare time.

About a month ago his art teacher called me as when he was shading, he pressed hard and the nib of his pencil pinged off.. Which made the table of students laugh and get distracted for a few minutes .!
Which yes he should of been shading not violently scrubbing paper with his pencil. And I'm sure maybe they did laugh but a call home? Maybe just send him out the class or sit him elsewhere alone would of been suffice

OP posts:

BerriesandLeaves · 27/02/2018 14:57

Is it possible there was ongoing disruption and the pencil thing was the last straw?

Nikephorus · 27/02/2018 18:27

It sounds like there are quite a few calls home.....

KittyVonCatsington · 27/02/2018 19:22

This reminds me of when I had to do a Parents Evening when 8 months pregnant (I’m a teacher, OP)-4 solid hours! I can totally sympathise why it was better not to go!
Hopefully you did get some more responses now you have chased it up. However, just to respond to your point that the teachers are quick to email re: an issue-don’t forget you won’t be the only parent they will be contacting after school with issues and each phone call home does take time and it’s quite possible that an issue in lesson that needs fixing takes more priority over something that doesn’t and/or they genuinely forgot. No need to feel hurt by it.

That’s why it’s ok to chase (but in a polite way, rather than a passive aggressive comment putting someone on the spot-not cool, OP!)

Hope the rest of the pregnancy goes smoothly OP!!!

Rainuntilseptember15 · 27/02/2018 21:43

I can't email when teaching, have to focus on the class. I get one "free" a day - often not in own room and no access to a computer. That doesn't mean I've no time to email (lunch or after school) but don't imagine it's as easy to do so as it would be if you worked in an office.

MidniteScribbler · 01/03/2018 11:15

To be honest, an email update seems pretty ridiculous to me. Parent/Teacher interviews are about having a conversation about your child, not just receiving an update via email. That is their report. The teacher wants you to actually engage with them and discuss your child's progress and behaviour (and it sounds like there are quite a few discussions about behaviour to be had with regards to this particular child). A parent teacher interview is a conversation, not the teacher telling you what you can read in their school report.

SpiceRack · 01/03/2018 11:35

MidniteScribbler well what else is the OP supposed to do?

user1518812545 · 01/03/2018 11:41

They are probably silently thanking the head of year

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