Unreasonable sister-in-law?

[elemum81]

Apologies in advance for a long and resembling post about something probably very silly...

Me and my family (dh, 3 year old dd and 1.5 year old twins) have temporarily relocated to Asia for a year due to my husband's work. In our home country I'm working full-time, but here I'm at home with the kids and doing all the cleaning, cooking etc. We don't have any family and hardly any friends here, so to get some much-needed help, mainly with the kids, my husband's unemployed sister has come to visit for 6 months.
I'm an introvert with a high need for boundaries, and I like things to be done my way (especially here; I find taking care of three small kids alone doesn't work without strict routines and order).

My sil is a dominant person who also likes things done her way. She's good with the kids, and she does help (despite constant conflicts because of differing views on parenting). However... Most of my house-related routines are not to her tastes, and as she doesn't like the way I wash dishes, clean or do laundry (her words), she has now taken over those chores. Which could have been nice, if it wasn't for the fact that while doing this, she also keeps re-organizing everything she comes in contact with. Changing the order of the kitchen cupboards, relocating the play area from dd's bedroom to the living room (without asking me first) and re-organizing my husband's desk (and misplacing important papers while doing it) are just some examples.

At 3am this morning (SIL for some reason tends to be awake during the night and awake during the day), while getting some water, I saw that she had taken out all the clothes of the kids closet, folded them and was starting to put them back in different places than they were in before. When she saw that I moved some of them back to their original places, she got upset ("are you kidding me?? I'm organizing and you mess it up??"). My husband thinks I shouldn't make a big deal of any of it and just let her get on with it without making a fuss, as none of it is very important.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking her actions are slightly disrespectful? Should I really just let this go, or is it actually reasonable to demand that she asks me before she starts to change things?

" Dear SIL quickly needs to learn her place"

Someone the Op can't do without?

I think OP I getting a bit of a tough time here. For whatever reason SIL agreed to go to Asia to help. Maybe she wanted the experience of living abroad or whatever. Yes she is working for bed and board but that does not give her the right to take over and rearrange the Op's home !

Kids of 3 twins of 1.5 would be bloody hard work.

SIL should be sent home as it isn't working clearly. Her brother, the DH should back up OP as to boundaries and not overstepping them.

I think using local help where there is a clear employer/employee relationship would work better.

I couldn't deal with this.
MY house, MY rules.
She's taking the piss.
But you need to do what you need to do right now.

Bluelady - you appear to have a vested interest on the side of the SIL.
I doubt very much she was "put in that position" - she was asked to come out to help. Her flight was paid for by the OP and her DH. Her bed and board would of course have been covered by them - it's not unreasonable to think that she could have fucking said No if she'd not wanted to do it! And I don't think it's unreasonable either for her to have brought her own funds for her own pleasures.

Doormat brigade are out in force.

No vested interest, I just happen not to agree with you. I would not expect that if someone was doing my housework and childcare - and I wasn't paying them - that they should be paying for their own incidental expenses. I call that exploitation. Are we not allowed to have different views?

Why on earth did you just hire a nanny or cleaner when you moved?

If you want free staff you have to accept whatever conditions that comes under. These are her conditions.

Unusual to see an AIBU thread where the replies are such a 50 / 50 split of views. I think YABU. If your SIL comes abroad to help you, you're not paying her, and you're content for her to do your laundry, then I'd say she gets to arrange the laundry in the way that suits her best. Does it really matter how your children's socks are stored?

I'd be very interested to hear SIL's side of this story

I'd let sil get on with it, apart from the paperwork.
Maybe her re organisation is an improvement and will in the long term make your life easier?
Try to relax and let her get on with it - she could be a huge help if you let her. If something doesnt work for you then tell her but give it a chance at least.