To bf a 3 year old?

[fannyanddick]

My dh mentioned that I shouldn't tell anyone that I still breast feed as they will judge now that our child is three and that I should think about stopping. I only feed her once a day but she loves it and doesn't want to stop. Last time I said 'you're getting a bit big for milkies now', she said that she loved it and didn't want to get any bigger or grow up and more.

What is the general view? Is she too old?

[Coastalcommand]

Keep up the good work. I hope we’re still going at three!

[Waitingonasmile]

Flippetydip I totally understand your point but I already have a toddler. He wasn't EBF so perhaps my view will change when baby 2 is older.

[Rumpledfaceskin]

IceBear funny you should mention school. He always had his botbots when his little school friends came round for tea and all that happened is...they wanted one too! . So they’d all chill out with them. It was rather cute. He’s a very confident, popular and successful adult. I just don’t believe having a few baby comforters in to school age is going to be a long term problem. But I think kids are possibly pushed to grow up a lot younger nowadays.

[Whowhatwhy]

rumpled that's ridiculous. I would be less than impressed to find when I picked my school age child up from your house that she/he had had a bottle.

[breadwidow]

I bf my son til he was just over 2 and then encouraged weaning because I was ready to stop and pregnant. He stopped fairly easily when he was 2 and a couple of weeks. My daughter carried on bf til she was nearly 3 and I was totally over it by the end. All my gentle weaning methods failed with her and we had to go cold turkey in the end because I reached a wall, which resulted in a tough week with a lot of crying from her. I mention this as the comment that really gets me re this natural term bf lark is when people who haven't done it assume that the mother did it for herself or wanted to carry on. I can tell you from first hand that bf a toddler is often a total pain in the arse and I certainly didn't bf my daughter for as long as I did for me. I didn't plan to bf my son for as long either but when I got to one year fairly easily and met a few mothers from a bf group who were feeding til 2 (and not weird hippies) and I read about the benefits health wise I thought I may as well try and make it that far, if he wanted to carry on as well, the WHO doesn't recommend it for nothing after all. Having said that, I didn't enjoy it! It was hard!! The last 8 months of bf my daughter were the least fun because I was trying to get her to stop and she was having none of it. I should also add that I was working ft, that may have made it harder for me in terms of sleep but it also meant I got a break from her and bf during the day, I doubt I would have carried on so long if I hadn't had that.

[stargirl1701]

I'm breastfeeding DD2 who is 3 and half.

I don't hide it but I am aware that I no longer have the legal protection in public I once did. It now falls under the UK civil Equality Act rather than the criminal Scottish Breastfeeding Act.

I celebrate the milestones even though everyone around me (family/friends) is critical. I hope I am helping to normalise breastfeeding to natural term for DD1 and DD2 so it's easier for them if they become mothers.

I am truly proud of managing to breastfeed DD2 to natural term in Scotland in 2018. I had such extensive difficulties with DD1 and I am left with such enduring regret regarding her infant feeding.

[cadburyegg]

I bf DS for 15 months. My general view is that breast milk is for babies but I don’t bat an eyelid to people breastfeeding toddlers. However after 3 or so I think mums should be making the effort to wean, just the same as if I had a 3 year old still using a bottle or dummy I would be trying to wean them off it.

[squishysquirmy]

I bf dd till she was well over 3! I didn't tell anyone though- maybe it seems more rare than it is because those of us who did it don't talk about it? It did go on longer than I would have liked in an ideal world, but dd was very upset at the idea of stopping.
In the end, we gave her the choice every evening of either having hot chocolate before brushing teeth or milk after. She started to choose the chocolate more and more so we phased it out that way. (The hot chocolate is home made and very dilute so it's mainly milk with a bit of chocolate in it).

[PathologyGeek]

IVe had so many bumps along the way with breastfeeeding - still struggling at 7m - I would be absolutely delighted to go long enough to offend someone! That’s my aim!

[Lilonetwo]

I don't judge at all. Personally, for me as soon as they are/were big enough to walk and talk it was the right time to stop.

It's not an essential part of their diet passed 2 years and I think seeing a toddler bf in public is unnecessary. They don't need it during the day- at night or first thing in the morning for comfort is just fine, just not in public.

Passed 3 years children are forming memories too... For my child to have memories of breastfeeding would put me off continuing.

[ObligatoryMeatballs]

YANBU! I fed DS until he was 2.3, I was pregnant with DD and the nipple pain for me was unbearable so we I gradually reduced feeds and dropped the bedtime one last of all. But if I hadn’t been pg, we’d have continued until he stopped by himself. I liked that I could bf him through any tummy bugs and things like that while he was a toddler, he seemed to bounce back from things like that very quickly.

Now I’m feeding DD, and I’ll feed her as long as she wants but she’s not as much of a breastmilk fan as DS was, so perhaps she’ll stop earlier than I suspect he would have.

[Garmadonsmum]

But why Lil ? My child certainly remembers bf. They are positive memories for him, he occasionally mentions it. He doesn’t view me sexually so why on earth should he be bothered about it? As that’s the only reason I can think you’d worry about a child remembering it.

[Taytotots]

No YANBU and it is no-one else's business anyway. Whatever makes you both happy. Not the societal norm here any more but certainly biologically normal and usual in other societies: apparently 'In Mongolia, there's an oft-quoted saying that the best wrestlers are breastfed for at least six years - a serious endorsement in a country where wrestling is the national sport.' - link to article below. I suspect more people around you are still feeding than you think - if you want local support check out your local la leche league branch.
www.drmomma.org/2009/07/breastfeeding-in-land-of-genghis-khan.html?m=1

[Waddlelikeapenguin]

I think the attitude to BF in the UK is odd but it's not the same elsewhere, i enjoy this article about BF in mongolia
www.drmomma.org/2009/07/breastfeeding-in-land-of-genghis-khan.html?m=1

Oh & to whomever said it was a 'mumsnet thing' nope i know lots of women irl who bf over two years some SAHM, some working FT some part time and i dont know them through BF groups/support.

[Whowhatwhy]

In some parts of the world nutritious food isn't so readily available. In those areas extended breastfeeding probably makes perfect sense. In the UK though, with easy access to all manner of foods and a strong awareness of healthy eating due to education programmes (5 a day etc) I can't see the benefit at all.

[Waddlelikeapenguin]

Lol @Taytotots cross post! (I am sloooow!)

[stargirl1701]

Surely the health benefit is immunological. Human immune systems mature around 6 years and breastmilk evolved to support that immature system. Most primates bf until adult teeth emerge.

I choose to natural term breastfeed because of attachment though.

[DrRanjsRightEyebrow]

I definitely continue to feed because he wants to and therefore it clearly benefits him emotionally. I know it's not physiologically necessary but I don't accept milk intended for a calf is equal to my milk tailored specifically for my child. The immunological benefits cannot be sniffed at. It visibly changes when he is getting poorly to help protect him. His immune system isn't mature until natural weaning age or around 6 (when he loses his milk teeth) Plus it's protecting my boobs from cancer! Win win. We will stop when either he wants to or I do, whichever comes first. It has to be a mutual thing.

[Whowhatwhy]

don't accept milk intended for a calf is equal to my milk tailored specifically for my child

But by that theory surely you will need to breastfeed him forever? At some point during childhood he's surely going to move onto cows milk?

[Mermaid36]

Breastfeeding my toddler twins (who were very premature babies) has ensured that our frequent hospital admissions with T2 are slightly more pleasant. She is much easier to settle after procedures with a feed, we've managed to avoid an ng/feeding tube many times because she'll have breastmilk (when she's not eating), after she's woken up from another episode of being ventilated, she's much easier to calm with a feed.

T1 often has to spend a week or so away from me when her sister is in hospital, and breastfeeding her is a great way to reconnect with her after not seeing her.

Both the girls are at nursery and have no issue being settled by staff, and T1 has no issue staying with family when I'm in hospital - no attachment issues!

[Taytotots]

waddle - great minds!

[ChairoftheBored]

I'm always surprised at the simplistic logic applied in these discussions. BF is not an either or - independence or babying, BF or food/cows milk. My DD is still bf at 4, At night and first thing, if she wants to. She also goes to nursery is independent in social settings and can be soothed by DH, friends or nursery staff. She eats like a horse and guzzles cows milk.

I know it has limited nutritional benefit, other than when she's sick and the only thing she wants is milk. But the benefits in terms of emotional development and immunity seems worth it. Anecdata is a flawed source but she has never needed antibiotics, recovered from Croup in record time and has O lay ever had two incidents of vomit based illness.

I can and do travel with work and hold down a demanding full time professional role.

Do I love it? Sometimes. Other times it's a literal pain. She asks less often now, and can see a time when she will give up. In all this I am not doing it for me but for the security and fringe benefits for my DD.

For all those who say they have never met someone who does this - I bet you have. You just wouldn't know it.

[Ennirem]

What I don't understand about these threads are all the people saying "They don't need it after..", "There are no benefits past x age..." etc. Um, so what? If they still want to and enjoy it; if mum is still happy to do so; if it isn't causing any problems with their ability to cope with other caregivers/at nursery/school etc... why is the fact it isn't essential/massively beneficial reason enough to stop? Vegetables don't "need" cooking; clothes don't "need" to be dyed colours or sewn with dinosaurs/teddy bears; if all we gave our children was what they "need" to survive, then their lives would be pretty damn dull and joyless frankly.

Where's the harm? If anyone can show me a study that correlates extended breastfeeding with physical/emotional/sexual issues in later life, have at it. If anyone has anecdotal experience of mums they know foisting their breasts on protesting older children, do tell. But as long as they're asking, and mum is willing, why is is 'queasy'-making etc just because it's unnecessary?

[Whowhatwhy]

chair Anecdata is a flawed source but she has never needed antibiotics, recovered from Croup in record time and has O lay ever had two incidents of vomit based illness.

My 3.5 year old was bf until 6 months. Has also never needed antibiotics, has never had croup and has never had any vomit based illnesses. In fact, beyond the odd runny nose and chicken pox, she has never been ill. There's my anecdata.

[Lilonetwo]

Garmandonsmum personally it's just that I find it odd. Once a child can ask for breast milk I personally think it's time to stop.

They don't need it like a newborn baby does. In certain parts of the world they breastfeed to extended ages. But that's because in these places nutrition from food is not very good and so breastfeeding past 3 can give the children extra nutrition.

Passed a certain age. For me, it just seems odd to see a child breastfeeding in public.... At home in private, ok go for it and feed a 4 year old. But surely once children are at an age to discuss it with their peers, it's time to stop? Otherwise when do you ever stop (provided the child doesn't self wean?)