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AIBU?

To bf a 3 year old?

348 replies

fannyanddick · 27/02/2018 00:04

My dh mentioned that I shouldn't tell anyone that I still breast feed as they will judge now that our child is three and that I should think about stopping. I only feed her once a day but she loves it and doesn't want to stop. Last time I said 'you're getting a bit big for milkies now', she said that she loved it and didn't want to get any bigger or grow up and more.

What is the general view? Is she too old?

OP posts:

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7even · 27/02/2018 06:14

@RadioGaGoo

I wonder what it is about a breastfeeding mother that gets people so irrate that they feel they need to approach a mother, minding her own business, to say their uninformed piece? It's so pathetic when you think about it like that.

Did you bother to read the thread or just see "BF" in the title and want to make an irrelevant point?

gamerchick · 27/02/2018 06:23

It makes me feel a little queasy for some reason. It's far too old and I suspect is more for the mother than the child

I’m going to get my bingo card out. Bravo! The same ignorant bollocks gets trotted out time and time again on these threads.

IHATEPeppaPig · 27/02/2018 06:27

@Argeles I tandem fed for 8 months and it helped with DC1 not feeling left out. Don't discount it, it was tough at times but really worth it.

IHATEPeppaPig · 27/02/2018 06:32

It's not for the mother (although it is a lovely bonding experience), my DC love the comfort - I would have stopped a long time before I did but DC would ask for it and get upset if I said 'no'.

givemesteel · 27/02/2018 06:35

I don't judge it but I think there may be other considerations regarding their independence, it may be difficult for them for then to be comforted by another adult eg in a nursery situation if they're used to being breastfed when upset for instance.

I breastfed dc1 until 12 months, I had to wean then as my periods still hadn't come back and we wanted to ttc (unfortunately the my periods are messed up by breastfeeding for about 6 months after stopping). DC didn't want to stop and it was sad to do it. But the upside is that her relationship with her dad really grew since and I think she's much less of a mummy's girl now, dh was always very much second fiddle when I was breastfeeding.

Am breastfeeding my newborn now and thinking about when I wean this time. I'd love to do it for a year again but we'd like a 3rd and I'm getting old so I don't know if I can afford time wise to do it for so long as it takes my periods so long to come back after.

How long I'll breastfeed my "last" dc I don't know, I still feel sad when I think of my last feed with DC1. It will definitely be closing a chapter on my life.

Mermaid36 · 27/02/2018 06:37

I am "still" feeding my 22 month old twins. I have no plans to stop, I'll leave it up to them.

Why would I get rid of a brilliant parenting tool? Breastfeeding helps them with teething (back molars are horrific!), when they hurt themselves, when they are poorly, when they need a bit of extra comfort for a million other reasons.

It's not "extended" breastfeeding, it's natural term feeding.
Not that we particularly feed out of the house (down to a couple of feeds a day) but anyone who told me they didn't like it would politely be told to piss off as it's none of their business.

4Funnels · 27/02/2018 06:42

@gamerchick

Why is it "ignorant bollocks"?

The OP asked for opinions and I gave mine. Do you understand that?

Are you disagreeing that older children breastfeeding makes me queasy?

Is it bollocks that I think it's too old?

It's it ignorant that I suspect it's more for the mother than the child?

I think givemesteel's comment explains my suspicions.

"How long I'll breastfeed my "last" dc I don't know, I still feel sad when I think of my last feed with DC1. It will definitely be closing a chapter on my life."

Why not explain yourself?

ShamelesslyPlacemarking · 27/02/2018 06:44

It makes me feel a little queasy for some reason. It's far too old and I suspect is more for the mother than the child

Go on, amuse me by spelling out what you think the mother is “getting out of it”.

oblada · 27/02/2018 06:47

Bf my first till 5yrs old, second still going at 3.5yrs old. It is certainly not for me (I'd rather just feed my youngest who is 11months old), they need(ed) and for us it was worth it. To fight off colds etc, to comfort them etc. I work full-time and I think bf helped them (and me at times) adjust to that. My oldest one still remembers breastfeeding and how much she enjoyed it. They are both v independent children and can easily be cared for by others, nursery, dad, friends, babysitter etc. I think the idea is that my meeting their needs for comfort etc via the more natural route ie breastfeeding they are actually more likely to be more independent and secure children. Not that it's why I did it. I did it because they didn't want to stop and I know they benefit from it.

Moonandstars84 · 27/02/2018 06:54

I currently have a 5 year old attached to my boob. Guess I will be a mil from hell than.
I don't tell anyone in real life.

HangingRoundInABofAlorsStance · 27/02/2018 06:55

Anyone called House yet?!
I spent 9 years of my so-called life bf - 3 kids, 3 years each, well 3 1/2
Quite happy to admit I did it for me - not for my personal comfort, i actually hate having my boobs messed with in any context ironically - but for my sleep and therefore my sanity. It was the only way I could get them down at night and going cold turkey was not an option.
Thankfully as they all began nursery the Big boy/big girl argument could be used and they were more tired at bedtime.
Your kidz, your boobz hun! HOUSE!!!

Shoeshiner · 27/02/2018 06:57

Want to extended breastfeed? Great, carry on. Want to breastfeed for a bit and the man move on to bottles? Great, carry on. Want to formula feed from the get go? Fine too.

I guarantee that when these kids are trotting off to uni at 18 no one is going to bat an eyelid about whether they were breast or formula fed.

Why do people get so worked up about how other people feed their kids as long as they are feeding them?!

BetterEatCheese · 27/02/2018 07:00

I bf Dd until she was 3.5 and then she just stopped one day. I was only feeding her once a day. My friends did judge me (terrible circle at the time, no longer friends now, wonder why) but I did it anyway. My nan judged me too and told me it was weird.

Flippetydip · 27/02/2018 07:08

I am EBF my 7 weeks old so absolutely not anti-breastfeeding. For some reason (and I fully accept this is perhaps an odd reaction) the thought of breastfeeding a toddler is horrible. When I hear of older children still feeding and being so dependent on comfort from it, I do feel a bit sick. I therefore wouldn't be telling anyone I was bf at 2+.

Waiting at the risk of sounding very patronising - is this your first child? I only ask because when DS was newly born I could bear him to be touched by toddlers and there was no way I could envisage him turning into one those "horrible, rowdy children". He did turn into one of them obviously. And because he was my toddler it didn't seem remotely horrible breastfeeding him. Although he stopped when he was 18 months as I was pregnant and he didn't like it. DD (about whom I was far less precious!) BF until she was 2.5 years. I had one friend who would constantly ask me if I were still breastfeeding and then say "you really should stop, it's not right at that age". I finally said to her "look, if you don't like the answer I give you stop asking - I don't do it in front of you so butt out".

OP - whatever works - I didn't tell anyone unless they asked though -why would you? And most people don't ask.

HangingRoundInABofAlorsStance · 27/02/2018 07:09

It's only weird in countries/for people who have sexualised breasts so much that they have forgotten their original function.

HangingRoundInABofAlorsStance · 27/02/2018 07:10

and because of fuckers like david walliams and his bitty sketch.

Getoffthetableplease · 27/02/2018 07:12

My youngest is only 18 months, but still feeds A LOT. It boggles my mind how people can say it's for the mother, my word if there were any other way as convenient, healthy and effective to comfort him then I'd be straight there. OP sod em all, there are a million things mothers will get judged for down the line, you know you're just comforting your little one.

RadioGaGoo · 27/02/2018 07:14

@7even

The OP said she was worried about feeling judged. What I said was perfectly relevant. Calm yourself down.

Cousinit · 27/02/2018 07:15

I used to think it wasn't normal but I know better now. Still feeding my 20 month old and at this rate I think we could still be going at three! Have you checked out The Milk Meg online? She offers great support for those breastfeeding into toddlerhood. I hate the term "extended" feeding. It's not extended, it's normal!

Cousinit · 27/02/2018 07:16

Yeah David Williams has a lot to answer for!

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 27/02/2018 07:20

Just finished feeding my 3 year old. Apparently milk is "the best thing in the whole world". Happy to natural term feed and fuck everyone else who judges me. Couldn't give a monkeys these days. Thankfully I have a few supportive people!

Camomila · 27/02/2018 07:21

YANBU

Re independence- I'm still breastfeeding my 23m old, and I'm often complimented on how confident and independent he is. The times he wants to bf loads are when he's got a new tooth coming through and his mouth hurts...why would I stop that?

I'm planning to wean around his 2nd birthday (mainly for my own health) but I might wait till he gets his last set of molars.

I do tell people if they ask/its relevant though. No one has ever seemed bothered (to my face)

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IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 27/02/2018 07:24

And yes mine is one of the more independent, social, confident kids in our social group I would say.

Great relationship with her Dad too. Goes down fine for him and others of an evening if I'm not around too.

Camomila · 27/02/2018 07:35

This isn't really relevant but made me and DH laugh...whereas a few months ago DS would have only asked for 'booboo' to go back to sleep. Last night he woke up and poked me with 'Cake?' I said no its night time. He poked DH 'Cake?' Nope still night time. Then he just lay down and fell back asleep.

Whowhatwhy · 27/02/2018 07:36

To be honest I would judge the parent of a 3/4/5 year old who was still using a bottle, let alone breastfeeding. To my knowledge there is no health benefit to breastfeeding so long. It is perfectly possible to be close/have cuddles with your child without breastfeeding them so long so I don't see the attachment benefit either. The notion of feeding a child who is starting school is frankly ridiculous. I'm not even sure that "feeding" is the right word- it's hardly food for a 3+ year old is it?

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