To bf a 3 year old?

[fannyanddick]

My dh mentioned that I shouldn't tell anyone that I still breast feed as they will judge now that our child is three and that I should think about stopping. I only feed her once a day but she loves it and doesn't want to stop. Last time I said 'you're getting a bit big for milkies now', she said that she loved it and didn't want to get any bigger or grow up and more.

What is the general view? Is she too old?

[ChairoftheBored]

whoi am pleased for you, and your DC. As I say I've no couterfactual it's worked for us and we're happy with it. You make choices in the best interests of your family and if yours work for you then I'm pleased. But as my choices have no impact on you am a little surprised by the slight edge to you post.

[Ennirem]

Passed a certain age. For me, it just seems odd to see a child breastfeeding in public.... At home in private, ok go for it and feed a 4 year old. But surely once children are at an age to discuss it with their peers, it's time to stop? Otherwise when do you ever stop (provided the child doesn't self wean?)

But Lil, they all do self-wean eventually! There are no bf adults (well ok there are, and services for it, but that's a kink - I'd bet good money there is no correlation between those who pursue that kink and those who were breastfed as older babies/small children, indeed I'd even go out on as limb and posit that the opposite was true).

What is the danger of them being able to discuss it with their peers? is it that they would be mocked? But surely thast would be a circular argument - "It's weird, because nobody does it, so if you talk about it, you'll get mocked, so nobody should do it"?

[Whowhatwhy]

chair there's no edge indented. Just a desire to be clear that extended bfeeding is not necessarily the reason your child hadn't been particularly unwell. My child was breastfed for a much shorter time and has been less ill it seems than yours. I don't think it's fair to hang health benefits on extended breastfeeding that are not backed up by real evidence. My anecdata has demonstrated that your anecdata is of no value- such is the joy of anecdata!

[SleepFreeZone]

I would have happily continued feeding my two year old but he got to 24 months and didn’t want to know anymore. Would just chat to me whilst munching my nipple 😂

You do what you think is right and tell people or don’t tell people. Everyone has an opinion and you’ll never please them all.

[ChairoftheBored]

But I wasn't I was stating my experience. Which dare I suggest is just as valid as yours. I care not a jot how people feed or care for their child. However just as I can't prove definitively the benefits to us of feeding to natural term neither can you disprove them.

[Whowhatwhy]

chair your experience is exactly as useful as data as mine is. That's my point.

[ChairoftheBored]

Yes, but not nearly as snittily expressed. Both have equal value but only one of us is being pointed.

[ChairoftheBored]

I also stated DD was independent and chatty. I ascribe no particular link to this with BF either, but you don't seem to have taken issue with that aspect...

[Whowhatwhy]

Again though chair that isn't because of extended breastfeeding is it? It's because of countless things that good parents do. Talking to your child, reading to them, supporting and encouraging them in a million ways. Again, both of my children could be described in exactly the same way. Both independent, confident and bright. The eldest off to a selective grammar in September. Nothing at all to do with how they were fed for the first six months of their lives I'm certain.

[starray]

Breastfed till 4 years old. Yes, people do judge, but just ignore.

[Calvinlookingforhobbs]

Lilonetwo “once they can ask, it’s tine to stop” but surely evenca day old baby asks for milk? Does their use of language somehow make it offensive?

[ChairoftheBored]

Indeed it is not - as I think (am now doubting my own typing) I stated when I said 'I ascribe no particular link'. And that's kind of my point. As parents we do what we think is best. All of us (save a tiny minority). However we feed, whatever we decide in terms of schools, hobbies, family values.

I don't think our decision to do natural terms feeding is the single element in making DD who and what she is. It is but one thread in the tapestry of our parenting choices, some of which may have a positive impact, some neutral and maybe a few negative.

I posted what I did to show that DD is a, well frankly normal child. Not emotionally stunted, or overly dependent on me for comfort as some previous posted had suggested BF to natural term children might be.

You picked up on health things but really all i was attempting to show is that DD is a normal child. You'd not know to look at her (or many other children) that she still BFs. And there are positives to feeding that without a counter factual I can't prove, but may be exist for us. Do I think we made the right choice for us? Yes on balance. Does hat mean I would judge anyone who chose different or seek to dismiss their experiences? Not at all.

My experience is valid for me, yours for you. Neither one disproves or negates the other.

[squishysquirmy]

they can "ask" from a very young age!
Dd gradually shifted from crying, to pointing, to burbling something which sounded more and more like "bob" until eventually she could clearly say "bob". There was no clear cut off point.

My own mum got very confused about who "Bob" was when she visited and why dd was crying for him!

[Whowhatwhy]

I suppose chair that my reasoning is that all I have done as a parent has really been "by the book". I bfed for 6 months both times because at that point I weaned my children. When I did that I wanted to manage the milk to food ratios to make sure they got enough of both. Using bottles at that stage meant that I could measure it. And it worked. Both my girls are brilliant eaters who will eat anything you offer. I actually attribute their excellent diet to their health more than anything else. By one, both girls used a cup not a bottle because I didn't want a bottle fed toddler. Again, no issues.
I have known babies bfed much longer than mine who ate next to nothing way beyond one who were far less robust and healthy than mine. Their parents thought they were doing the right thing because their child was getting breastfed.

[ShackUp]

DS1 called my left boob 'jam' and right boob 'bread' clearly they tasted different. I'd never have known that if I hadn't fed him till nearly 3.

I don't have periods whilst breastfeeding so I'm happy to carry on with DS2 for a bit longer (he's 21 months). I'm night-weaning at the moment which is tricky as his canines are coming through. Both DSes loved BF for the comfort and relaxation, I love it for its sleepy properties!

[ChairoftheBored]

That great. Am pleased that the book you chose worked for you. But just as I can't prove a causal link between my choices and specific outcomes for DD neither can you know your children wouldn't have been brilliant eaters if you'd breastfed for 12 months, 18 months or 2 months. Or indeed that your friends kids who ate next to nothing wouldn't have been equally so had they been bottle fed from birth.

We all choose our own 'books' by which we parent. Yours worked for you. I'm glad. Mine has worked for me. Is mine better than yours - no, neither way is empirically better or worse - but mine worked for me.

Just as I cannot ascribe particular benefits to natural term feeding neither should others seek to ascribe disadvantages (as those who suggest it is weird, pervy or emotionally stunting seem to. Or indeed those who suggest that BF children may have eaten less well as a result). That's all I'm saying.

[Whowhatwhy]

I suppose all I can do is look at the two children I have (one of which is 11) and judge my choices against them- their health, intellect, emotional security etc.
For the record, I bought several books and went somewhere in the middle with my choices. Weaning is probably the only thing I did to the letter of one because I felt it was so important having seen so many people I knew make a complete hash of it, ending up with picky children who are almost nothing.

[ChairoftheBored]

Absolutely. That's all any of us can do. It's when we find our own choices promoting us to judge others I get a bit ticked off. Your choices have helped create your children, as mine shape DD. Neither better or worse. And I've never really seen the need to validate my choice by rubbishing someone else's to be honest.

[bluesouper]

I only BF for a few months as I really didn't like it. It made me feel weird and a bit creeped out. It's a really strange thing to explain but it would have been the same feeling as if I was wearing someone else's underwear?! Like, odd and inappropriate although I know it's the absolute best thing to do for baby.
Why did I feel like this? I'm TTC and would LOVE to BF much longer but the feelings I had really made me feel low....
am I the only one who experienced this? Wish I enjoyed it :(

[Ennirem]

@bluesouper did you feel that way about it 'in your head' before you tried it? Or were you expecting to enjoy it/want to do it and surprised by how weird it made you feel in the event?

If the former, societal conditioning and the way it makes us view our bodies and particularly our breasts may be at play; if the latter, there's a condition called DMER where the dopamine caused by milk ejection reflex can cause a hormonal surge during feeding which gives some mums sad, uncomfortable or even very angry feelings. Might be worth having a look up about if you wanted to try again ever to see if it checked any boxes with how you felt! xx

[Creambun2]

Comfort breast feeding at 4 is going to cause issues when a child needs comfort for whatever reason in an educational setting. More for the mum's benefit usually.

[Anatidae]

You do whatever works best for you.

I BFd my son until he was 1.5. When I wearned him I was judged on the same day by a particularly crunchy type who sniffed that early weaning was harmful and I was clearly a neglectful Mum and by someone from back home who was disgusted I was feeding a toddler.

Some bugger will always judge you. Do what’s best for you.

(Just don’t be the lady on the wedding tandem breastfeeding thread from a while back...) 😁

[bluesouper]

Thanks @Ennirem that's really interesting, will def look into that!

[Caterina99]

Personally, I’m currently bf my 4 month old and I have a 2.5 year old who was mostly formula fed. The thought of bf my oldest feels extremely weird to me, although I do have friends that are bf their 2-3 year olds and they are no different behavior wise from my child.

I don’t think extended bf is for me, and I will probably wean my baby by the age of 1. But I’m glad I’m able to feed her this long and perhaps when she gets to that age I’ll change my mind and carry on

[Roseandmabelshouse]

I think the message is do what's best for your family.

It seems it's quite acceptable to judge those who bf for longer which is sad because I never judge anyone else's feeding choices.