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AIBU?

To bf a 3 year old?

348 replies

fannyanddick · 27/02/2018 00:04

My dh mentioned that I shouldn't tell anyone that I still breast feed as they will judge now that our child is three and that I should think about stopping. I only feed her once a day but she loves it and doesn't want to stop. Last time I said 'you're getting a bit big for milkies now', she said that she loved it and didn't want to get any bigger or grow up and more.

What is the general view? Is she too old?

OP posts:

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YellowMakesMeSmile · 27/02/2018 07:36

I'd find it weird at that age, the child doesn't need it and plenty of other ways to seek comfort. At they age they are walking and talking and don't need BF so for me it's about the mum not wanting to stop which seems weird.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 27/02/2018 07:37

'I don't judge it but I think there may be other considerations regarding their independence, it may be difficult for them for then to be comforted by another adult eg in a nursery situation if they're used to being breastfed when upset for instance.'

It doesn't work like that. Children a lot younger than 3 know that bf is something they get from their mum and not from other caregivers. Mine went to nursery from 2.5, nearly 2 and 13 months respectively and I never had issues relating to them wanting bf while there, or indeed many separation issues at all.

Tandem feeding is one of the best things I did when my older two were small. I did it for two years (dc1 stopped bf at 4.5 years) and dc2 went on for another year until he was 3. I believe it made both getting started with bf for dc2 easier and pretty much removed any potential jealousy issues.

Dc3, a lot younger than the other two, is 2.5 and still going, and so she will for as long as we both want to.

I didn't realise DW had done the 'bitty' sketch (expat and hadn't made the connection). Off to take his books off my dc's shelves. They won't be much loss anyway

IceBearRocks · 27/02/2018 07:38

Extended BF is definitely a Mumsnet thing. In RL I have never met a mum who did!
I BF mine until 16 months, they both with some encouragement weaned at this time.
Yes it is sad as the babyhood chapter has gone...but onwards for new chapters.
You'll find most people won't comment on these threads as they'll be flamed for giving an opinion. Therefore you'll only find the Extended BF mums on the thread.
Your kid so your choice but yes I would judge a 3 year old with a bottle! Unless SN...I mean my SN 8 year old has a dummy.... his suck reflex.... Sucks!!!
I comforted all my children through colds, flu, chicken pox and even just emotional support with cuddles and lots of love, encouragement ... They do not need breast milk for this. A mum breastfeeding until 5 is not a better mum, it's just a mum who hasn't let utilised the other tools of motherhood..... communication!!!!

Your child.....your life...your decisions but this is not down to sexualising breasts or any other matter....it's about mum being ready to deal with motherhood using different tools!!!

Rumpledfaceskin · 27/02/2018 07:42

Nope you shouldn’t feel embarrassed. It’s quite common actually. I have 3 friends that do and have met lots more people over the past 3 years of be a SAHM that have fed until 3/4. How many 3 holds still have bottles of milk, dummies, all those little comforts? They’re still tiny and it’s their way to relax, just the same as I’d have a nice cup of tea or glass of wine on a Friday evening.

MummyCuddlesSolveEverything · 27/02/2018 07:42

I'll admit before I had my ds I was shocked that my sil was 'still' feeding my nephew at 2.5. I didn't say anything because it's none of my business. I always thought I'd bf my children to 1.

My ds is 5months and I feel guilty for what I'd thought about my sil and see that I was wrong. I plan to feed my ds for as long as he wants and think my dil is amazing for feeding my nephew still (at 3.5) and my baby niece - I hope I can wait for my dc to decide like she is doing.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 27/02/2018 07:43

'To my knowledge there is no health benefit to breastfeeding so long.'

Even assuming this were true (which I don't think it necessarily is - health effects on bf are actually still underresearched, or at least partially researched with a lot of focus on particular aspects and conditions), why does there have to be a health benefit? How joyless. Isn't the comfort aspect, at what is still a really, really young age, enough?

The UK in particular has an odd culture of wanting children to 'grow up' as quickly as possible. I've seen plenty of threads on here where parents practically congratulate themselves for their 3 or 4yos watching and allegedly 'understanding' films much too old and complex for them. We stress about 4yos reading. Reception starters are encouraged to find perfectly age-appropriate things 'babyish'. And yet people worrying about 'independence' if a 3yo is allowed to breastfeed may well balk at their 10yo walking to the corner shop by herself, and it's considered a sign of good parenting to have conniptions at the idea of leaving a 9yo home alone for half an hour. (I may be exaggerating, but only slightly).

AuntLydia · 27/02/2018 07:44

I didn't manage to get my youngest to give up her dummy until she was 3. Only for sleep at night before I get flamed. So certainly no judgement from me as I can understand that 3 year olds can still crave that kind of comfort - even more so if it comes with a drink and a cuddle!

Rumpledfaceskin · 27/02/2018 07:46

IceBear why would you judge a 3 yo with a bottle? As long as they’re not having them to fall asleep or all through the night and having teeth brushed after I just can’t see the harm. My brother had one in the evenings until he was 41/2! He’s never suffered any ill effects. I think you’re more likely to harm your children emotionally by removing all their babyish comforters. Lots of adults have ‘comforts’ like I said, tea wine, is it really different?

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 27/02/2018 07:47

Still feeding DS at 4, only at bedtime. It's definitely unusual in this society but it's not unnatural. I don't volunteer the information as there's just no need to, it doesn't ever come up, but I'm honest about it if asked as I'm not ashamed!

Bakedappleflavour · 27/02/2018 07:49

You get judged on anything and everything don't you. My two year old still has a bedtime bottle and I've had comments over that. You crack on OP, you're doing what works for you.

I do know someone who still breastfeeds her 7 year old and I'm a bit by that but I don't SAY anything.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 27/02/2018 07:50

Oh and he's the most independent of all of his friends. Super confident in every way, settled into pre school (his first childcare scenario) without a backward glance and happily accepts comfort from nursery staff without asking for me. He doesn't have boob for comfort if he, for example, hurts himself anymore. It's literally only for a few seconds at bedtime as it makes him sleepy and relaxed and is part of his routine.

Rumpledfaceskin · 27/02/2018 07:50

Of course there’s benefit to it. Your milk provides for the child. You can tandem feed a baby and a toddler from two different breasts and the milk will adjust for each. It’s amazing. But we know so little about breastmilk anyway (apparently we know twice as much about erectile dysfunction and tomatoes as we do about breast milk) why would anyone feel confident making the claim that there’s no benefit to toddlers?

Bakedappleflavour · 27/02/2018 07:51

You'll find most people won't comment on these threads as they'll be flamed for giving an opinion. Therefore you'll only find the Extended BF mums on the thread.

No you won't, I stopped breastfeeding at 6 months.

Not everyone is as judgy as you.

Garmadonsmum · 27/02/2018 07:51

Totally agree Mummycuddles it is one of those things were till you’ve walked the road you really haven’t a fucking clue.
You’re feeding your child one day and it’s fine, then the next day it’s fine, and then the next it becomes disgusting or unnecessary? No of course it doesn’t. I’ve fed two till they self weaned and one was a year older than the other when this happened - all babies are different, as a parent I try to respond to their needs the best I can.

IceBearRocks · 27/02/2018 07:56

Rumpled..... A bottle to a tool to enable a baby to drink milk.... Using beyond that ..it is a comforter!

A 4.5 year old is capable of using a cup....I'd love to see your brother at school lunch pulling out his bottle with his pack up!

Yes children do go to school early here but we need to prepare them for that independence!!!

wysteriafloribunba · 27/02/2018 08:02

My friend is bf-ing her 5 year old. I wouldn't even begin to want to do the same but her life her choice and it doesn't impact anyone else.

My only thing that kind of bothers me is when my niece was 5 she was giggling about dd (aged a few months) drinking milk from my 'boobies'. She thought it was rude. That was something she'd picked up at school not at home. So a bf 5 year old is going to come in for some stick in the playground if the others find out.

Fishinthesink · 27/02/2018 08:08

Garmadon exactly! They're only ever a day older than the day before. They 'ask' for it as soon as they're born- does 'too old' depend on when they become verbal?

You carry on as long as it's working for you both OP. I fed DD1 until 2.5 when I was pregnant and she self weaned. DC2 is 17 months and we will carry on until she wants to stop. DD1 still talks about and remembers it. They both settled into nursery at 1 no problem and I have travelled internationally for work since they were both 1 as well. It's as flexible as you like.

Argeles · 27/02/2018 08:13

@IHATEPeppaPig

Thank you so much for informing me about the possibility of, and your success with tandem feeding.

My Husband had joked that ‘you’ll have one baby on one boob, and the other on the other one,’ the other day, and I said to him that I wonder if it’d help our DD. I’ve been upset thinking that she’ll feel cast aside, so your advice is very timely and appreciated. Thanks again.

LauraO1905 · 27/02/2018 08:14

I didn't breastfeed. And I commend anyone who managed it cause I just found it so cripplingly difficult.

I don't know much about it long term, can someone explain the specific benefits of BF as a toddler/preschooler? To me, it just seems a comfort thing, which is fine, but if my child still had a bottle or soother at 3 I think I would want to start weaning them off by this point.

puppymouse · 27/02/2018 08:16

Totally take my hat off to mums who do this. I hated BF and made myself do it until DD was 5.5 months because I had milk and thought it would make me less of a mother if I didn't. It fills me with horror the thought of having to do it for years. I just wouldn't have been prepared to share my body. I feel horribly selfish saying that. Everyone should just do whatever works for their family. One person's choices aren't the same as the person next to them.

Roseandmabelshouse · 27/02/2018 08:18

If only more people openly breastfed toddlers it wouldn't be seen as 'weird'

Help normalise extended bf! its totally normal

gamerchick · 27/02/2018 08:22

@gamerchick

Why is it "ignorant bollocks"?

To put simply, anyone who thinks it’s more for the mother than the child has obviously not experienced it. If they had they wouldnt come out with such crap.

Newsflash... it isn’t fun, it’s a pain in the arse.

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Whowhatwhy · 27/02/2018 08:24

Your milk provides for the child

Milk provides for babies absolutely. It does not provide for 3+ year olds any more than cows milk does. Food is what provides for 3+ year olds. Milk is a drink.

Mummyontherun86 · 27/02/2018 08:25

I stopped breastfeeding around 14 months and can see why you would continue to feed a pre-schooler. I don’t think it’s bad, although a little unusual (not as unusual as people think as it tends to be secretive!).

Having said that, before breastfeeding myself I would have though it was seriously weird. I work with families too! Sorry for my previous views.

So I would keep it on the down low, even though I don’t think it’s bad.

MummyCuddlesSolveEverything · 27/02/2018 08:42

kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/

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