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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if there is just no helping DS?

55 replies

mustnotlooktohave · 26/02/2018 17:10

DS is an adult with autism and ADHD and various mental health issues going hand in hand with them.

He appears to now be suffering from a sort of psychosis, where he is unable to process basic information, recognise familiar items or respond appropriately to simple questions (he will scream and then if you say "are you in pain?" he says "my name is (DS.)") He also smears faeces and urinates around the house.

But other times he is lucid - still eccentric but seems perfectly 'normal.'

He has now lost his driving licence on medical grounds and so he can't work.

So what is he supposed to do - he won't claim benefits, he is a danger to himself, yet no one will intervene?

OP posts:
SnowiestMountain · 26/02/2018 17:12

Oh OP, that sounds really difficult, no advice but Thanks for you and a bump, hopefully somebody will be along soon.

Original poster
mustnotlooktohave · 26/02/2018 17:17

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
lookingforthecorkscrew · 26/02/2018 17:17

Sending you love OP, that sounds emotionally draining for everyone

Original poster
mustnotlooktohave · 26/02/2018 17:22

It is, but it's also a huge worry as it seems he doesn't meet any sort of criteria. I don't think he'd be able to claim any sort of benefit, and yes, I'll obviously see that he won't starve but it's difficult as he won't engage with me or with anybody.

OP posts:
TwoBlueFish · 26/02/2018 17:22

You can apply to be his appointee for benefits so you can apply on his behalf. If he is unable to work then he should probably be claiming ESA and is his disabilities effect his daily living skills then PIP as well.

Is he under a psychiatrist or any mental health services? The National Autistic Society or MENCAP may be able to offer some more advice.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 26/02/2018 17:24

This is completely random so feel free to disregard if it doesn't seem relevant. Has he been checked for epilepsy - the inability to process information for a period of time could be a type of seizure.
www.epilepsysociety.org.uk/seizure-types#.WpRCBZq7Lcs

It does sound tough and I wish I had some more practical help.

MadRainbow · 26/02/2018 17:25

He needs to be seen by a crisis team if this is a sudden change, if he is a danger to himself or to others you may need police intervention horrible as it sounds :( they can help him get the appropriate help. He may need a stint in a secure unit to help get him properly stable.

Major hand hold hun it must be so traumatic for you all

Original poster
mustnotlooktohave · 26/02/2018 17:27

Unfortunately, I don't think he'd get benefits as the chances of him appearing in his worst state - aggressive and smearing poo - at the exact point of a meeting - are unlikely and in any case, when that happens he is so far removed from reality that he'd never get to a meeting.

He isn't under any sort of MH service. he's ended up in hospital before when he's been found somewhere random shouting and he won't engage with the staff there.

Epilepsy is a possibility, he's had fits before but it seems to be linked to when he takes too much of his medication?

OP posts:
Original poster
mustnotlooktohave · 26/02/2018 17:29

Thank you. He has seen the police because it was them who noticed him driving erratically and obviously at first thought he was drunk but he wasn't. But no one seems interested in helping him?

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 26/02/2018 17:31

If necessary video him at his worst point. That gives you something to show to health professionals. Also video him when he appears disconnected from reality. Its easier for people to accept there is a problem when they can see it for themselves.

Original poster
mustnotlooktohave · 26/02/2018 17:33

I have, but he just gives bizarre reasons, insisting it's because he took too much medication for anti-anxiety or that he'd been working nights. Also, he can get aggressive when he's like that and I don't want to exacerbate that.

OP posts:
HonkyWonkWoman · 26/02/2018 17:35

Next time he has a psychosis episode.

Phone 999 ambulance and he will then be admitted and get the treatment he so obviously needs.
He needs a proper assessment and probably sectioning for a while, he will then have a Social Worker and be able to access other help.
This is too much for you to deal with I am afraid.

Original poster
mustnotlooktohave · 26/02/2018 17:37

Thanks Honky - I have, twice now. The first time he refused to go with them and so they let him stay at home - a doctor came out to him but he insisted he talk to the doctor in private so I don't know what was said.

The second time the ambulance didn't come.

So this is the problem: he is resisting as he's been in a psychiatric ward before and he hated it.

OP posts:
MadRainbow · 26/02/2018 17:38

Then I would suggest a trip to A&E OP. If you can move him safely that is - if you can't then a call to the police at that point of psychosis would be best.

MadRainbow · 26/02/2018 17:40

X post with Honky there

HonkyWonkWoman · 26/02/2018 17:41

How old is he mustnot?

MadRainbow · 26/02/2018 17:42

Does DS understand that if he doesn't allow you to get him the help he needs OP then you will be forced to take action he will not like?

Original poster
mustnotlooktohave · 26/02/2018 17:43

But how, if they don't turn up?

I'm not trying to be difficult - it frustrates me, too. We just go round in endless circles where if I happen to be around when he's having an episode I call an ambulance, but then we end up back home, he's furious with me, he lets me know he's furious with me, things settle, then if you try to talk with him about it he shouts and gets angry.

And I worry that challenging him makes him worse. last time I tried to talk to him he said I was making him very angry and he went missing for ages in the cold without a coat or appropriate shoes or anything. Then he also is convinced I'm in a sort of conspiracy against him, or, if he doesn't think that, he thinks everything that's happened is my fault and you just get sucked into this crazy world where nothing makes sense, so he'll say something like "you called the ambulance and now I cannot drive!" but doesn't account for anything else.

I don't know what to do. He is really harming himself and no one cares.

OP posts:
Original poster
mustnotlooktohave · 26/02/2018 17:44

Mad, but I won't, because what action? No one will do anything!

He is twenty in April.

OP posts:
Sarsparella · 26/02/2018 17:45

Next time it happens ring 999 again and insist an ambulance and mental health crisis team attend urgently - tell them he’s a danger to himself & you’re scared for his welfare - in a real MH crisis they will send the police too to make sure everyone is ok, they won’t arrest him, it’s a safety precaution

I’ve had to call an ambulance for my DH related to MH issues before, it’s very scary but you have to tell them he needs help and get him that support however you can

Good

Sarsparella · 26/02/2018 17:47

You do need to challenge him when he’s incoherent, I know it’s hard but agreeing with someone who is delusional doesn’t help them long term

Sarsparella · 26/02/2018 17:48

& sorry, I meant to say Good luck - not just good

Original poster
mustnotlooktohave · 26/02/2018 17:52

But I have Sars - I have called for an ambulance and it just did not come. The police will only come if he's aggressive to the paramedics, not me.

Challenging him when he's like that is such a bad idea as he gets aggressive. He's unlikely to attack me but he attacks himself and then I've been hurt before when I'm caught in the cross-fire or he runs off and then really he is very vulnerable to harm.

OP posts:
MadRainbow · 26/02/2018 17:52

Have you contacted social services? The ambulance not turning up is terrible and I would be complaining to PALS about that.

The only thing I can think of is 999 at the point of crisis and get the police out, with an ambulance if possible. He is a danger to himself and to others and the police have the power to forcibly section him. Yes he will likely hate you for some time :( but so long as he is admitted to a secure unit they can get things put in place for him

Sarsparella · 26/02/2018 17:55

Did the ambulance dispatch refuse to send one? I’ve never heard of an ambulance being called on 999 and them not sending one?

My mum also had MH issues and they sent police along with the ambulance once, because of the severity of the situation, she wasn’t aggressive to the paramedics, they we’ll arrived at the same time