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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my son to join the sea cadets.

79 replies

youngnomore · 26/02/2018 15:40

Sorry for posting on here Blush.
Has anyone’s dc joined the sea cadets ? If so what was their experience? My ds has absolutely no confidence or focus. He’s very kind hearted and loved by all his friends but just doesn’t seem to be bothered about anything atm apart from video games. So wanted to give him a new experience which will benefit him in some way for the future.
TIA

OP posts:
littlemissrain · 26/02/2018 15:50

No, I definitely wouldn't send a kind-hearted child there.

My 2 dd did Guides, and occasionally their guide unit would be invited to spend an evening with the sea cadets.

To them, it didn't seem like a fun place at all. It was full of military discipline - having to stand at attention until the leader cared to show up - and full of hierarchy (older boys ordering around younger boys).

My younger dd's best friend did sea cadets for a while, and she talked a lot about getting 'beaten up' if she annoyed the older boys. She said it in a jokey way but I found it alarming.

And they get in trouble if they miss one evening or one weekend parade - it's not something to do for fun, when you feel like it, it takes over your life.

frenchfancynancy · 26/02/2018 15:52

I thought this was a weird Scientology thing 😂😂

littlemissrain · 26/02/2018 15:53

I would look into scouts/explorers instead.

mogulfield · 26/02/2018 15:56

I can’t speak for sea cadets but DH helps at air cadets. He loves helping kids get passionate about aviation and has taken them flying. Also been out canoeing, climbing with them etc.

He did air cadets and then got an raf scholarship and is now an airline pilot,
Academically he didn’t do that well but air cadets gave him psssion and direction send the belief he could do it.
He went solo in a plane before he could drive!
So air cadets has my vote!! But any cadet outfit will help with confidence ime.

HollyBayTree · 26/02/2018 15:59

Bro was a sea cadet. He used it as a route to joining up. DS was an air cadet. A bit of military discipline never hurt anyone, great for confidence, on your CV. But have you thought about St John Ambulance instead?

Original poster
youngnomore · 26/02/2018 16:00

Thank you for the responses. I was afraid of the bullying and that might go on. Sad
French - I think you’re thinking of the Sea Org.
I wasn’t sure about scouts as I thought he might be too old now. But I’m going to look into it.

OP posts:
Palavra · 26/02/2018 16:02

My nephew does it and loves it BUT it’s a massive massive commitment and frankly it seems quite harsh on the kids. I don’t know if it really is good at all for someone shy, sweet etc, for my nephew it’s maybe made him more organised but in terms of confidence I’m not so sure. I think it can give them more certainty in their actions perhaps so they believe that they are capable of doing x, but in terms of social confidence and broader confidence I don’t really agree. For someone without determination and a strong commitment driving them to join in the first place, I think the requirements, the time, the regulation of it would be incredibly off putting. I know it would have made me miserable and it’s a reason why my niece has chosen to join Sea scouts which is much more relaxed. Also if he joins and finds he doesn’t like it or doesn’t feel capable of committing himself as much as the others, it could really dent his confidence.

Sea scouts and scouts as a whole is much more relaxed and friendly. There could be other volunteering opportunities e.g many libraries do a reading scheme where teens come into once or twice a week to help primary school kids in a reading competition. There’s usually 2-3 teens doing it at a time and shifts are short - it’s very popular around here for kids wanting to do DofE but also just for something to do.

Original poster
youngnomore · 26/02/2018 16:02

Holly- I don’t mind discipline at all. But just didn’t want any bullying. I will look into the st Johsn Ambulance. Thank you.

OP posts:
sirlee66 · 26/02/2018 16:08

Army cadets!!!!! I went as a child. Best years of my life!!! Fully recommend!!

Original poster
youngnomore · 26/02/2018 16:10

Palavra- that’s a very helpful post.
Thank you. Will definitely look into the Sea scouts. Didn’t even know it existed.

OP posts:
Nesssie · 26/02/2018 16:10

I joined the Air Cadets when I was younger and absolutely loved it. Best time of my childhood. The opportunities I got (flying, gliding, trips to America, shooting, abseiling, obstacle courses, camps, sports etc) and memories made will stay with me forever.
It was fairly strict (but I was always the 'naughty' one who mucked around! Grin) but not unhappily so. Drill and parade were just part of it.
I didn't witness any bullying, just lots of fun times with friends.
It teaches discipline and respect but you make friends for life and learn valuable skills/qualifications.

Highly recommend it!

Nesssie · 26/02/2018 16:11

Big rivalry between army and air cadets but we all knew air cadet were better... Wink

Original poster
youngnomore · 26/02/2018 16:13

I’m not sure if I would be brave enough (or ds) for the army cadets.

OP posts:
happiestcamper · 26/02/2018 16:14

My DS goes to sea cadets. He absolutely loves it. It has been the making of him. He wasn't very independent when he started and has been on residential courses, diving courses, boating courses and has done all kinds of amazing qualifications. I would definitely recommend it and have nothing negative to say about it at all. Dc is 12.

Original poster
youngnomore · 26/02/2018 16:17

It’s nice to hear positive experiences too.
Happiestcamper- this is what I had in mind for ds an overall positive experience in his life.

OP posts:
Handsfull13 · 26/02/2018 16:40

My SS15 has gone from sea cadets to marine cadets - all run from same unit but slightly different. He is hot and cold about it. If they does fun activities he is all for it but when the learning of things and sitting to try small bits like rope tying or cleaning the boat he gets bored and moans. They also get treated differently as they have to work up the ranks which as a moody teenager doesn't go over well some nights.
I've found it's only good if the child is dedicated to the experience and wants to do it. If not your paying for something they treat as a chore and moan a lot.

sirlee66 · 26/02/2018 17:07

No way Nessie!!!!! Air cadets had nothing on us army cadets!!!!

PiffIeandWiffIe · 26/02/2018 17:12

I was afraid of the bullying and that might go on

My kids were in the Army Cadets, I was an instructor for a while too - you'd be amazed at the training that staff get and the focus that is put on the kids having an enjoyable time. The structure that is in place to safeguard children & adults alike is pretty robust!

When one of mine joined the scouts for a while I was gobsmacked at how "unsafe" a lot of the activities were & how little control or structure there was.

Both of mine loved it as did a lot of their friends, but it's not for everyone & I certainly wouldn't recommend forcing a child to join.

Herbalteahippie · 26/02/2018 17:13

I went to sea cadets age 13-16 and had a great time; at school I had no real friends but I cadets I made much nicer friends and had opportunities to take part in lots of activities which built my confidence. It also kept me off drugs/ alcohol/ laziness. Nothing wrong with hierarchy when it’s carried out properly. Let him try a few times and see if he likes it, or similar youth organisations. Good luck xx

salakadolamoo · 26/02/2018 17:13

DH is Air Cadets as well. Due to my job, I've taught some courses around the region too and met some lovely kids who are polite and articulate - have seen really quiet, shy young ones gain confidence and try things they never would have. Atmosphere really depends on the adult leaders, if they're out playing military it shows, if they are out for the young people (and most I've met definitely are) then it's an excellent experience and opportunity.

BertrandRussell · 26/02/2018 17:16

My children were both Sea Scouts and loved it. Sea Cadets are much more military and “march-y”- i’d go for Scouts every time.

Original poster
youngnomore · 26/02/2018 17:21

So would it be right to say it mostly depends on the unit he would attend ? Maybe I should take him for a trial as a pp suggested and see how he likes it.

OP posts:
Beehivesandhoney · 26/02/2018 17:21

It must depend on the group as my dc went for a while and I don't recognise the bullying or controlling older boys at all.

They were out on the water the whole of simmer months or in the adjoining hut and did some amazing stuff. Bullying would definitely not have been tolerated and certainly not on younger children.

We stopped because we moved but my girl is very quiet and not confident and loved it.

Beehivesandhoney · 26/02/2018 17:22

*summer

BackforGood · 26/02/2018 17:27

I wasn’t sure about scouts as I thought he might be too old now

Beavers 6 - 8
Cubs 8 - 10.5
Scouts 10.5 - 14
Explorers 14 - 18
Network 18 - 25

Don't know if you've said his age, but I suspect he's not too old.
There are Sea Scouts (and Air Scouts) as well as 'normal' Scouts, but they are a bit thinner on the ground so not necessarily near you.
You can find out here

Like all organisations though, there are good groups, fantastic groups and pretty mediocre groups. Your best bet is to ask around.
Generally, as folk have said, the Cadets (air, land or Sea) tend to do a lot more on marching and presentations than Scouts do.