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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse to not do DH laundry

52 replies

usernameunavailable · 26/02/2018 13:20

I've been living with DH and doing his laundry for around 4 years. I've always done the laundry & housework... hoovering, dusting, dishes, cleaning the bird cage, washing the floors, cleaning bathroom & toilet, cooking, generally tidying everything. So I do everything basically. Im currently on mat leave, have been since September 17. I do everything for DD, bathing, dressing, feeding, changing, putting to bed & washing/sterilising the bottles.

I know DH works hard, on building sites as a bricklayer. His job is physically demanding so I understand he can be tired. He comes home and either sits around in the house or we go out. If none of them he will go out in the garden and do whatever he does out there. Which I would say is rather a hobby.

So back to the laundry situation, I wash his laundry and put it away. Otherwise it'll never get done. I washed his clothes a few weeks ago and put them on the bed for him to put away. The next thing I see him throwing them on the floor Angry this really annoyed me! He doesn't appreciate anything I do. He thinks the fairies come and do all the housework and laundry. I never get a thank you.

Aibu to buy another washing basket and tell him to crack on? We are going to the shops later and I'm planning on getting another washing basket and telling him to do his own laundry.

OP posts:
Original poster
usernameunavailable · 26/02/2018 13:22

He also has a heap of the clothes down the side of the bed that he has worn and never hung back up or put in laundry basket.

OP posts:
Neverender · 26/02/2018 13:22

Only do it if you're fully prepared to not care when he doesn't do it, or does it and leaves it in the machine, or leaves everything hanging around drying. There's much more to this than just not doing it, you'll have to become blind to it.

FuckyNellYaBastad · 26/02/2018 13:23

I would of just left them on the floor! That’s what I do with my teen ds. I wash and dry them - whatever happens after that is outside my remit

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/02/2018 13:24

The washing is the least of your worries. Why are you doing absolutely everything in the house and for DD?

This isn't fair in any way OP. But yes start by leaving his washing for him to sort out if he's not going to be arsed to put it away.

user263781638 · 26/02/2018 13:27

I feel like we have the same OH mine is also a bricklayer, I feel your pain!
No advice because nothing worked for me you just have my sympathy 😩

C0untDucku1a · 26/02/2018 13:31

I just put my husbands clothes in his drawers. Same Amount of effort as putting them on the bed folded.

You would not consider keeping on top of the gardening a hobby if he stops doing it and it gets overgrown amd your toddler wont be able to play out there.

The lack of parenting is the issue here. That’s the issue to focus on.

AngelsSins · 26/02/2018 13:39

I understand your husband has a physical job, but if he didn't want to do any more work, he really should have thought of that before having a child. He's a father now, he doesn't get to opt out just because he works. Time for you to take a step back I think.

Viviennemary · 26/02/2018 13:59

He should put his dirty laundry in the laundry basket and help with bedtimes for your DD. I don't think he needs to be doing dusting and other housework thourgh the week if he's working and you're on leave. But there is no reason he shouldn't help out with housework and cooking at the weekend.

Lethaldrizzle · 26/02/2018 14:02

I never put my dh's clothes away , just leave them in a pike for him to do and very rarely pigo up his dirty clothes. He can do that. Just stop doing this stuff

liquidrevolution · 26/02/2018 14:04

DH is in an equally demanding, messy and outdoors in all weathers job (farmer). He does his own washing. It started when I was pregnant as didnt want to touch the sheep stuff and we carried it on. I now work 4 days a week so I do mine, DDs and most of the house stuff (he does sheets and towels).

I have enough to do without doing his bloody laundry as well.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/02/2018 14:09

How do single bricklayers cope? Or does a wife come with the job?

Blaablaablaa · 26/02/2018 14:12

Who did his washing before he met you?
It really isn't fair that you are doing EVERYTHING even though you are on mat leave. It's fair enough doing more than 50% but very unfair that you're doing it all. What is going to happen when you go back to work?

I have never done my DH's washing ( other than the occasional load if he's really busy and i have time) even when I was on mat leave. Just because your wife isn't 'working' in the traditional sense doesn't mean you get to check out of life and your responsibilities . You need to work as a team more than ever now.

Roseandmabelshouse · 26/02/2018 14:13

I am a SAHP but do not do my husbands washing/ironing. I would tell him to do his own!

CherryMaDeary · 26/02/2018 14:14

So when you weren't on mat leave, you still did all housework whilst working out of home? You've enabled him to be lazy. Great first step with the laundry basket, but don't stop there. What housework does he do on his day off?

And gardening is not the equal of all housework, he has had it easy way too long.

dinosaurkisses · 26/02/2018 14:14

I’ve always done the laundry on our house- I’m on Mat Leave at the moment, but I love doing it- I like the smell of the fabric conditioner and feeling the warm clothes when they come out of the tumble drier Blush

I absolutely draw the line at putting his stuff away though, it’s the least he can do tbh. There was one time I left his folded clothes in a pile on the bed and he’d just dumped them on the ground instead of putting them in his drawers Angry . I was really hurt and told him that it just seemed like he took for granted that he ALWAYS had clean, neat clothes and that the time I spent washing, drying and folding his clothes was less valuable than the 40 seconds it would take for him to put them away. In fairness to him he apologised and hasn’t done it since, but if he hadn’t I would have no problem in telling him his personal laundrette had shut up shop and he’d have to find out how to use the washing machine himself.

notmyredditusername365 · 26/02/2018 14:17

Who would do his laundry if you divorced?

Ridiculous that laundry and cooking is always assumed to be women's work, even if you are a sahp.

Original poster
usernameunavailable · 26/02/2018 14:19

Blaablaablaa his mother used to. I love his mam to bits but she's picked up after him and now he thinks I'm going to.

Everyone else.. His excuse for not doing any house work is because he works hard at work.

OP posts:
GummyGoddess · 26/02/2018 14:22

Why are you picking his stuff up to wash? I started doing all the washing while on maternity and have just continued. My DH always puts stuff in the correct basket (we have three for whites, darks and colours) and will put the washing on and take it out sometimes as well. I don't wander around picking his stuff off the floor, I have better things to do with my time and wouldn't expect someone to pick my stuff up either.

ProperLavs · 26/02/2018 14:26

You are not his mother. He can sort his own laundry. You are being a martyr. Stop it.

expatinscotland · 26/02/2018 14:33

It never ceases to amaze me how any woman is attracted to a grown man who has his ma skivvying after him. World's Biggest Turn Off. Because you just know they will expect any woman to take on her role because he's the Big Man. I wouldn't do FA for him.

RafikiIsTheBest · 26/02/2018 14:34

What about when you were working? And even more so what about when you go back to work (if you are going back???)? Surely you work hard at work too, not just him? So how is that an excuse?

timeforabrewnow · 26/02/2018 14:34

YABU

For not doing his washing

He is being unreasonable if not helping out at weekends.

DreamingOfAHotBeach · 26/02/2018 14:36

You need to put your foot down now before you have a lifetime of this.

He needs to pull his weight in at least one department, either cooking, washing or cleaning.

He may work hard but I'm sure you also work very hard looking after your DD and keeping on top of the house.

You need to both sit down and decide what each of you will do for the house, e.g. he says he will do the cleaning from now on, you will do the washing and you share the cooking.

Blaablaablaa · 26/02/2018 14:37

He needs to realise that you aren't his mother. You are now a partnership and he needs to pull his weight. She's really done you (and him!) no favours! I can really sympathise with you though as i used to live with someone whose mum had done everything for him. It wasn't fun.

I appreciate that he has a physically demanding job but that's really no excuse. I know it's not the same but my DH has a very stressful and demanding job ( not physical but mentally ) and his workload is off the scale sometimes but he always makes time to be a parent and do his fair share around the house. I would seriously lose all respect for him if he expected me to do all the house work as i would feel that he felt he was too good for the crap, menial work that is required to keep a house and a family functioning.

He seriously needs to step up

DreamingOfAHotBeach · 26/02/2018 14:37

Also, as someone else has said, why are you doing everything for DD? That's not on.

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