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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He wouldnt leave

56 replies

Twocatsonebaby · 26/02/2018 09:44

So all last week dp was begging me to join my mom on a trip an hour and a half away to my aunts. He begged me and said he needed his own time for himself. I've gone back on maternity leave now as I'm 35 weeks pregnant but he's done most of looking after dd whilst I've been at work. She's 10 months old. (before people slate me, ds was not planned. My contraceptive failed and although I considered abortion and adoption, I can't do it. I'll just have to manage). I can understand him wanting 5 mins. But he's been let go from his job. He has 5 mins when she's napping etc.
I do everything. Pay all the bills, all the housework and I won't lie, I'm really struggling. I'm in so much pain.
He constantly moans at me. Constantly tells me I have a week to get rid of the cat, which is my company being as though he's gaming all the time with his friends online. Ive had to sell everything precious to me to pay bills.. You get the idea. I'm depressed because of him.

So I went out Saturday. I felt shit as I have sciatica. I didn't eat or drink all day cause my aunt didn't offer and there's no shops around her. I took dd so had to try and keep her routine normal which I struggled to do. I was tied, weak and wanted to come home to my privacy to eat something.
So I gave him strict instructions I wanted the house spotless. SPOTLESS. I messaged him to help me get dd out the car too as I had all her bags etc. He wasn't waiting for us.
I walked in to find the house a real tip. An I'm not exaggerating. There were his friends round which I weren't informed were coming. Girls (who his friends bought) who don't like me. KFC chicken everywhere. He hadn't made dd a bottle to come home to. He didn't even say hello.

I went upstairs. Did dd a bottle and went up. He came up after I'd been there for about an hour in my room trying desperately to get dd to sleep and I told him to basically fuck off. I'd had enough and wanted him to go back to his family. His friends could drive him back home. I put some clothes in a bad for him and threw them down the stairs and told him he wasn't welcome anymore. My home isn't a damn hotel and I won't be treated that way.

So anyway, as soon as he went back downstairs, he kicked everyone out and then tidied everywhere. He then left. (I was upstairs.) by this point, I locked the door and I went to bed with dd. I woke up about half hour later to see flowers and chocolate. (not good enough to me) and he hadn't gone home. He decided to stay.

An he still won't damn leave. Im barely speaking to him. I'm so angry.
Is this unreasonable? I think he's staying until ds is born but I don't understand why he doesn't just leave. He's doing nothing for me and won't go.

OP posts:
DeathStare · 26/02/2018 09:47

I know its a cliche but I think the two of you need to talk.

Queenofthestress · 26/02/2018 09:48

Is the house in your name? Rented or owned?

Twocatsonebaby · 26/02/2018 09:49

We did. I told him I wanted him out being as though he's no use to me and just doesn't respect me. Told him yesterday to get out and even arranged for his cousin to pick him up (his family are miles away) he won't go

OP posts:
ADayGivingMeHope · 26/02/2018 09:49

Do you love him? Do you want to be with him?

If you do then talk to him. If not then threaten to call his parents / the police if he doesn't leave.

Thanks
Aprilshowerswontbelong · 26/02/2018 09:49

I hope you have no intention of getting rid of your cat, and every intention of getting that cocklodger out of your life.
Cut the plug off his console for starters.

Then ring a family member to come get him. Get his key or change the locks.

Twocatsonebaby · 26/02/2018 09:50

Sorta renting the house from my family. So that's why I refuse to leave here. My mom and dad bought it for me and my brother. (in my dad's name as he's moved away) it's messy, I know. :(

OP posts:
CupOfJoe · 26/02/2018 09:51

And you've had two children in this relationship?

Twocatsonebaby · 26/02/2018 09:51

I did love him. More than anything. I would have done anything for him. The amount of times I've come on here moaning about him is ridiculous. But now after Saturday, I've had enough. That was unacceptable and the final straw. I love him in a way that he's given me two beautiful babies. But that's it.
I care about him. But not enough to want to be with him anymore.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/02/2018 09:52

You probably need to give him written notice (or your dad does) then you can evict him Thanks

MyBrilliantDisguise · 26/02/2018 09:52

I am just flabbergasted that he made a pregnant woman leave her own house when she was tired and wanted to stay in it. And then he invited girls round? Is he fucking KIDDING?

Backscratchesforever · 26/02/2018 09:53

I’d kick him out and change the locks. He has to go out at some point, go get some new barrels from B&Q and then give him some money to go out and get baby milk. Change them while he is out and then text him saying his stuff will be out the window in an hour.

Man child

DontWannaBeObamasElf · 26/02/2018 09:54

He’s the computer addict isn’t he? I’m not sure how you can get him to leave but I really hope you do and stick to your guns. One less thing to stress over!

Ilovecoleslaw · 26/02/2018 09:54

Didn't you make a similar thread to this the other day??

You got the same advice there as you will here.

Ltb

Backscratchesforever · 26/02/2018 09:55

I think this is a different person? Different number of kids?

FittonTower · 26/02/2018 09:55

Are you the same OP with the partner who was ordering you to your aunts so he could play computer games too?
If it's your dad's house I'm sure you can work together to get him to leave. Shelter has some good advice about family breakdown and property

Twocatsonebaby · 26/02/2018 09:55

I still don't think written down would do it. His cousin was here yesterday to pick him up even with my mom here telling him to leave. He went out to speak to her but came back. He keeps trying to buy me things, apologising, it's not good enough anymore. I deserve better. He won't provide. Won't get a job. Just leeches off me while I have to sell everything I have left of my possessions. Even my brother's to pay bills which I shouldn't have to. (my brother killed himself but his watch was the last thing I wanted to go) all so I can scrape by. My children are taken care of. I go without for them now. I'd be so much better off if he left as I'd get more help but he doesn't even see this. I don't understand. Would the police even do anything?

OP posts:
Crazycatlady123 · 26/02/2018 09:56

I’m so sorry you’re going through this Flowers You are not being unreasonable at all, he’s behaving appallingly. It sounds like you’ve had your mind up, what was your relationship like before you had your DD?

Twocatsonebaby · 26/02/2018 09:56

Yep, same person. The amount of threads I've made. I finally have but he just won't leave my home :(

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/02/2018 09:57

You need to put it in writing so you can legally evict him, ultimately with law enforcement involved!!

ADayGivingMeHope · 26/02/2018 09:57

CALL THE POLICE - NOW!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 26/02/2018 09:58

Your not married he’s not named on the tenancy.
Tell him to leave or your going to have him removed

NoqontroI · 26/02/2018 09:59

Have you got a tenancy agreement? Has he?

Twocatsonebaby · 26/02/2018 09:59

Before dd, he was lovely. Helped me out with everything, took care of me (I have two auto immune diseases) supported me, everything. Had a really good job and was trying to better himself. He adored me. Since we moved in together it's gone hugely down hill. I want to add, we've been together for 4+ years. So it's not like I really rushed either :( dd was planned, we had a beautiful flat lined up (which fell through due to the surveyor being late to do it, I was heavily pregnant and the survey came back and we couldnt afford the repairs) so we had to rent my dad's house.

OP posts:
Queenofthestress · 26/02/2018 09:59

Yep, the police will come and remove him if you let them know that he's refusing to leave your house. I ended up having to go to the actual station to get someone to do it but a call to 101 explaining the situation will do the job!

JulyAphrodite · 26/02/2018 10:05

Get him removed by the Police
Get a lodger if you have room
Keep the cats

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