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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DC birthday party photo

87 replies

Whitecup · 25/02/2018 22:07

It was my DDs (Y6) birthday last week. This weekend we took 10 of her classmates for a meal at a local restaurant. Half way through the evening I took a photo of them all and sent it to their parents as part of a text thanking them for the gifts and to explain how good they’d all been etc via a private message.
Ive just gone on a social media site and seen one of the mums has uploaded the photo with a caption like “x living it up with her besties”. IABU to think that she should’ve just bloody kept it to herself!!

OP posts:

bridgetoc · 25/02/2018 23:09

YABU.....

Aridane · 25/02/2018 23:09

Bluemirror makes a fair point

Aridane · 25/02/2018 23:09

Sound like the mother isn't used to her child eating out in a restaurant, thus "living it up" and wanted to show off. That makes her look rather pathetic.

Nonsense - it’s just a cheery lighthearted comment on Facebook

Original poster

Whitecup · 25/02/2018 23:14

Well I’m very very sorry to bluemirror if I’ve been rude but has anyone really ever sent a text “I’m about to send you a picture of everyone having fun at x’s party but 9 of their peers are on it can I send it you?” No??? I thought not!

OP posts:

MissEliza · 25/02/2018 23:15

I agree with Blue Mirror although I would never share any child's photo without their parents' permission.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 25/02/2018 23:16

No because that's not the msg you would send you are not asking the parents permission to receive the text but the other parents permission to send the text! Anyway the point is once you share a picture in anyway you then no longer have control of it.

frasier · 25/02/2018 23:18

Aridane That isn't how I read it. "Living it up" to me smacks of not having done it often or at all.

fruitpastille · 25/02/2018 23:23

It's not just the fact it's a photo of the kids. It means that anyone (who is fb friends with that mum) who's child was not included can now see the event and who was there. It's rubbing it in for those that didn't get an invite. Of course you can only have limited numbers to a party so it's polite not to discuss it/show pictures of it to others.

windchimesabotage · 25/02/2018 23:24

whitecup i think the point is that everyone makes their own judgements about what its acceptable to share. You did that when you sent the images out without asking because you just assumed that was okay....
So its within the realms of reason that the woman you sent it to might assume it was okay to further share it.

Its just that youve done a similar thing to her really! Group shots are difficult because every single person in them might have different views about what is and isnt acceptable in terms of sharing.

In future id just be very clear whenever you take or send a photo about what you expect to happen to it. And id also ask other people whether they are okay with having it sent etc

Whenever I take photos that contain other peoples kids I always do just say 'what are your views on sharing photos?' then anyone with any strong opinions about it has an opportunity to say something before the photo gets shared in any way.

Personally I do not care who shares photos online of my children or me at all. But I know some people will have ideas about it that may surprise you. Some people dont even want their childs picture taking AT ALL. So it is always best to check and not make any assumptions. Both you and this woman you are criticising have made assumptions about the others intentions.

You thought it was fine to share the photo to everyone in the group because it featured everyone in that group.
She decided to put it on social media because it was sent to her so I imagine she then presumed it was being given to her to do whatever with.

Both reasonable assumptions made because no one actually made their wishes clear or asked anyone else anything.

BackforGood · 25/02/2018 23:26

Well no Whitecup you prbably wouldn't send a text like that, because those f us that know a little bit about privacy and not sharing pictures of other children wouldn't have shared a picture or 10 / 11 children with other people in the first place. That is the point. You didn't have permission to share the picture, so you have no legs to stand on in being upset someone else then shared it too.

SMarie123 · 25/02/2018 23:35

Personally I would care about an innocent picture of my child being sent to a private group by text or shared on social media.

I wouldn't send a picture because I would worry about the privacy angle highlighted by bluemirror.

I don't think you can have it both ways, i.e. Sent without permission to a small audience is kind of the same as sent to a wider audience, in both cases you open up something can can spiral out of control

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 25/02/2018 23:37

frazier living it up is a joke, a funny caption. It doesnt mean she thinks that it's impressive her child is eating in a restaurant

Bluemirror talks sense. You took a picture of 10 other children, which you then sent to 10 lots of parents, those parents might not have wanted you or the other nine sets of parents to have a photo of their child but you did it anyway. It's pretty much the same thing but on a smaller scale, you can't really do one and then moan about the other

frasier · 25/02/2018 23:46

Each to their own. I interpret "living it up" as something one doesn't always do.

frasier · 25/02/2018 23:47

...or it would just be "living" lol!

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 25/02/2018 23:49

Why be such an absolute arse to BlueMirror? What she said mad absolute sense.

LavenderDoll · 25/02/2018 23:54

BlueMirror is spot on.

ShitWit · 26/02/2018 00:05

That’s not what people are saying though, it’s the double standard of you expecting to be asked if sharing your child’s photo isn’t ok when you’ve actually shared 9 children’s photos with other parents without checking that’s ok.

You’re example text is asking a parent if they mind accepting a photo with a bunch of other kids in. When it should be “Hello BenMum, I’ve taken a initial of Ben having fun with his friends at Amy’s party, is it ok to send his photo to eight parents?”

For all you know, some of the other parents may feel strongly about their child’s photos being on Facebook. I’d be a bit narked at you sending my child’s photo to other parents without my knowledge who then went on to post my child on social media without my knowledge.

It’s not unreasonable for the mum to think it’s ok, yes she should have checked, but you should have mentioned no social media, esp as it’s not just your child they don’t have permission but the other parents who might not want their child’s photo sharing by you to other parents, or to Facebook.

SavvyBlancBlonde · 26/02/2018 00:14

Erm.... I have. Although in my defence I was a data protection officer for my old company plus have dabbled in computer security. I didn’t get written consent but I did specifically ask each parent. When one objected, I took photos that didn’t include their child.

There’s a pertinent saying here - the internet is forever. Anyone can right click and create a local copy of any photo. Once it’s out there, you have no control. There may be one parent feeling double the rage you do because a) you sent it and b) it’s now online. Hopefully, best case scenario is that the social account is locked down.

SavvyBlancBlonde · 26/02/2018 00:15

Postscript - I get the rage when people send a group email and don’t send to themselves and BCC to the other addresses so that everyone on the list gets everyone else’s email. But that’s just me.

Poppyfields21 · 26/02/2018 00:20

Frasier your post is pretty rude. I think it was a light hearted comment from the mother. And, if she doesn’t often eat out in a restaurant (which many people don’t as they simply can’t afford it) then it isn’t “pathetic” to be excited about it.

Dvg · 26/02/2018 00:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

frasier · 26/02/2018 00:26

Poppyfields21

Pathetic: arousing pity, especially through vulnerability or sadness.

It's sad, not rude??? What do you think "pathetic" means?

SilverBirchTree · 26/02/2018 00:41

Not ok. People are so naive about this stuff. How does she know the other children aren’t in foster care, or victims of violence etc.

I’d tell her to take it down

tumblrpigeon · 26/02/2018 00:43

I think you are being ridiculous

user1490607838 · 26/02/2018 00:55

@whitecup

You don't have a case. You sent the pic with other peoples children in, to strangers. (As a few people have said....)

Would not have bothered me by the way.

@bluemirror Yabu. You took a photo of their child and sent it to all the other parents without asking so you can’t complain imo.

bluemirror is right too, and isn't talking shite. Love the way you back right down when everyone supports bluemirror's comments!!

You are being super defensive coz you know you're in the wrong

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