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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and Mean?

93 replies

SoonToBecomeAMrs · 25/02/2018 20:16

NC as I have family who are MNers...

I've reluctantly agreed 4 weeks ago that DP's brother could stay with us for 9 weeks whilst he had work in the area. DP and I agreed on some conditions such as he has to pay his way, we aren't to be giving him lifts (public transport is good here) and he doesn't stay any longer than the 9 weeks.

Every Friday BIL goes home to see his GF an hour away via train straight from work and comes back Sunday night. The first Sunday he asked for a lift home from the train station because there's no buses. DP went and got him, I told DP that he should tell his DB that he needs to get an earlier train to make sure he can get a bus from the station to here.

He's had a lift from FIL the past 2 weeks but today BIL has done exactly the same. Got the latest train and asked for a lift claiming no buses. So now me and DP have argued because I don't think he should go to get him. I've actually found a bus but it means waiting half an hour, which I think he should do.

AIBU and a bitch here? It was a condition we made and I feel DB is trying to take the mick. Surely it isn't hard to get the train a bit earlier so he makes the bus?

OP posts:
Original poster
SoonToBecomeAMrs · 25/02/2018 20:29

Sorry should have clarified, DP is annoyed but won't say anything. It's inconvenient because it's when we're having food so either DP has to rush his dinner and shoot off or we have leave it in the over for 40 minutes.

DB is notorious for expecting lifts off people, he'll make plans with no thought for how he's getting there and just expect a lift. He also has been paying his way as agreed which is why I think I'm so annoyed.

OP posts:
DalekDalekDalek · 25/02/2018 20:29

Unless the train station is hours away, yes, YABU. It's one lift, it won't kill you. He's your BIL, not some random lodger.
I can't imagine my family would ever be so petty as to make an issue of the occasional lift. Fair enough if he was asking you to do it every day but once a week for a few weeks isn't a big deal.
My DB used to phone me at 4am to pick him up from town when we were young. I never once refused and got my fair share of lifts in the middle of the night from him in return!

Gaelach · 25/02/2018 20:29

Sounds like you really don't like your BIL.

Nicknacky · 25/02/2018 20:30

So if your h is so annoyed then he says no.

anothermalteserplease · 25/02/2018 20:30

It’s his brother. Why would you not wait till he gets there and all have something to eat? I’d be furious if my husband told me not to give my own sister a lift if I was happy to do it. Seems very mean to me.

MumGoneMild · 25/02/2018 20:30

You sem very abrasive. Are yoy like this with your own family?

Original poster
SoonToBecomeAMrs · 25/02/2018 20:31

Obviously you don't want him in the house with all this limited time/ no lifts rules etc

We have a DD and rent a small 2 bed house. We don't have the room for DB and it is against our tenancy agreement. That's why there's an 9 week limit.

OP posts:
MadMags · 25/02/2018 20:31

And you can’t eat at any other time?

The clarification makes it no better, really.

YANBU about the money, though that doesn’t seem to be as big a concern for you as the lift!

Original poster
SoonToBecomeAMrs · 25/02/2018 20:33

@MadMags, Oh it is.. We've already discusses the money issue. I don't see why I should have to rearrange our usual mealtime and evening routine just incase BIL needs a lift. He eats with his GF at her house before coming here.

OP posts:
AllStar14 · 25/02/2018 20:34

I think YABU. It's just a lift, once a week.

junebirthdaygirl · 25/02/2018 20:34

Hope you are never depending on a bit of kindness from your family or inlaws. Always better to err on side of helpfulness.

Gaelach · 25/02/2018 20:35

If you don't have the room, it's against your tenancy agreement, he has form for this and you don't like the fella, why did you agree in the first place?

Bluelady · 25/02/2018 20:35

Sounds trivial in the extreme to me. But then I've never minded a quick station pick up.

Nicknacky · 25/02/2018 20:35

Just shift your dinner time slightly. It's no big deal or do you have to eat at the exact same time each day? Where is the flexibility?

Loonyluna16 · 25/02/2018 20:35

It's against your tenancy agreement to have visitors Hmm

Sure thing op. Never heard anything like it in my life

teaiseverything · 25/02/2018 20:37

How significant is the money issue, as in, what has he actually done? Or rather, not done?

Nicknacky · 25/02/2018 20:37

I've never rented but are tenancy agreements so strict you can't give a bed to a family member for a few weeks?

Original poster
SoonToBecomeAMrs · 25/02/2018 20:38

@Gaelach.. Because has been unemployed for months and is in stupid debt. This is a chance for him to get back on his feet, I love my DP and he wanted to help so I agreed.

OP posts:
Loonyluna16 · 25/02/2018 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nicknacky · 25/02/2018 20:39

So why get so annoyed about such a minor thing if it's helping him out so much?

sanesera · 25/02/2018 20:41

YABU. It's once a week Confused

DalekDalekDalek · 25/02/2018 20:41

Also rented several times - never had it in the contract that I can't have a friend or relative to stay. Is that normal?

Subletting would be different though. Or having loads of people to stay so that you were above occupancy levels.

Flipflopflipflap · 25/02/2018 20:41

Honestly, here it’s -2 and windy. I would go and pick up.
But you’re allowed to make your own choices

rothbury · 25/02/2018 20:41

AIBU and Mean?

yes.

ilovegin112 · 25/02/2018 20:43

You don't seem to dislike him enough not to take money off him though, if my sister needed somewhere to stop for a few weeks I wouldn't charge her rent, she could help with buying groceries and making dinner one night a week