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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think they should get up for us

88 replies

Bexterfish · 25/02/2018 19:15

Mil & fil are retired and in their late 60s early 70s. They live 300 miles away but come and stay 3-4 times a year for a week or so with their 2 dogs. When ever they stay they get up in the night for the toilet and the dogs bark randomly in the night and generally disrupt everyone's sleep. The dogs 'must ' Be fed by 7am. My dd 3yr old normally wakes up at 7 but when they are here it can be anything from 5.30 because of all the night disruptions. Its always before 7. They always leave me and dh to get up with her. They get up, Feed the dogs and go back to bed until around 9. Me and dh both work. Aibu to think on a weekend at least they should get up with dd and let us have a lie in. They have never done that once in 3 years. On the days we work we have to get ready for work and sort her out before we go even if they are looking after her for the day (shed normally go to nursery).

OP posts:
QuantumPixies · 25/02/2018 19:16

Have you ever asked them to do that?

callmekitten · 25/02/2018 19:18

It would be nice if they would but they are your guests. I would not automatically expect anything from them regardless of the fact that they are family.

GertrudeCB · 25/02/2018 19:18

In a word, no.

Sirzy · 25/02/2018 19:18

It isn’t their job to look after her though.

If you want them to then ask, but they are free to say no!

Umakemefeellikedancing · 25/02/2018 19:18

No YANBU

PurpleDaisies · 25/02/2018 19:19

On the days we work we have to get ready for work and sort her out before we go even if they are looking after her for the day (shed normally go to nursery).

That’s pretty normal though?

user1493413286 · 25/02/2018 19:20

Do they realise how much they disrupt your sleep? Probably they don’t realise. It would be a nice gesture though and is something my mil does as she know she how rarely we both get a lie in

Original poster
Bexterfish · 25/02/2018 19:22

Purpledaisys it is but with the dogs in the way it takes twice as long and always makes me late for work because in waiting for them to get up so I can go to work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bexterfish · 25/02/2018 19:23

User149... we have said countless times that is only when they ate here that she's up so early.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 25/02/2018 19:25

It sounds like on days when they’re having her you need to agree a time that they’ll take responsibility for her and if they can’t stick to that, she goes to nursery.

IHaveBrilloHair · 25/02/2018 19:26

Have you actually asked them?

VandelayIndustries · 25/02/2018 19:26

The way you have worded it here makes me think yabu.

She’s your child. I wouldn’t expect anyone one to get up and look after her so I could have a lie in. Maybe still take her to nursery on the days where they are looking after her later and they can collect her when they have pulled themselves together.

PurpleDaisies · 25/02/2018 19:27

Have you ever asked them about them getting up so you can have a lie in?

teaandtoast · 25/02/2018 19:27

I'd take her to nursery if they're not up when you need them to be, rather than be late for work.
I presume you're keeping her off nursery for their benefit?

Blessyourheart · 25/02/2018 19:28

It would be lovely of them.
Have you asked them directly?
If the dogs are disruptive, ask them to come without them.

Fire yourself for a grant conversation before the next visit is organised.

DeathStare · 25/02/2018 19:28

Are they aware of the amount of disturbance to everyone's sleep that their dogs cause? If they are then I think it would be reasonable to ask them to get up with your DD on the weekends so you can lie in. If they don't know then I can see why it would never occur to them to offer.

To be honest though I'd just be telling them that if their dogs were going to disturb everyone's sleep then the dogs aren't welcome overnight.

NerrSnerr · 25/02/2018 19:29

If they're not up in time for work I'd just use nursery. On the weekend I'd just let them lie in.

RingFence · 25/02/2018 19:30

I would just tell them they can't bring the dogs, and to be quiet going to and from the bathroom.
I don't think you can ask them to entertain and feed DD without sounding rude. If they wanted to they would have offered. I would hate to have to play with someone else's 3 year old at 5am!

LolitaLempicka · 25/02/2018 19:35

It wouldn’t even cross my mind to get up with someone else’s child. I have done my share with my own kids.

Lollypop701 · 25/02/2018 19:36

You’d like to think that as they are visiting infrequently they would actually like to help you and give you a break... they possibly think they are by having dc.. the reality is obviously different. Your dh needs to have a chat, find out what they can cope with and take it from there. I find the worst thing is not knowing. It might be easier to take dc to nursery ... then they ain’t doing you a favour so would be more responsible in other matters?

HotelEuphoria · 25/02/2018 19:37

YABU to expect them to sort DD out. YANBU to tell them the bloody dogs are not welcome.

GrannyGrissle · 25/02/2018 19:39

What Ringfence said.

Witchend · 25/02/2018 19:41

Only one of you needs to get up anyway. The other can have a lie in. As it's dh's parents I'm sure he would like to get up.

pimlicolife · 25/02/2018 19:43

No I wouldn't expect them to get up. But if it was me I wouldn't let them bring their dogs.

rothbury · 25/02/2018 19:43

It looks like two separate problems really.

re the dogs, YANBU - tell them not to bring them or they can stay in a local dog friendly B&B.

re them getting up with DD - YABU.