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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think they should get up for us

88 replies

Bexterfish · 25/02/2018 19:15

Mil & fil are retired and in their late 60s early 70s. They live 300 miles away but come and stay 3-4 times a year for a week or so with their 2 dogs. When ever they stay they get up in the night for the toilet and the dogs bark randomly in the night and generally disrupt everyone's sleep. The dogs 'must ' Be fed by 7am. My dd 3yr old normally wakes up at 7 but when they are here it can be anything from 5.30 because of all the night disruptions. Its always before 7. They always leave me and dh to get up with her. They get up, Feed the dogs and go back to bed until around 9. Me and dh both work. Aibu to think on a weekend at least they should get up with dd and let us have a lie in. They have never done that once in 3 years. On the days we work we have to get ready for work and sort her out before we go even if they are looking after her for the day (shed normally go to nursery).

OP posts:

ChairoftheBored · 25/02/2018 19:44

I think it's. Bit off not to 'get up,with the household' I.e. If you get up at 07:00 then they should be up by 08:00. However YABU to expect them to get up while you and DH stay in bed....

selftitledalbum · 25/02/2018 19:45

Why should they get up with your kid? Get a grip

Don’t have them over if they disturb you so much.

BackforGood · 25/02/2018 19:45

What Hotel said.
However, YABU, yes.
You can't expect guests to get up earlier than they'd like to, to facilitate a lie in for you

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/02/2018 19:50

You need to ask them. As a guest I stay out of my hosts way until they’ve carried out their morning routine because I don’t want to disturb they’re normality. You need to ask or talk to,them.

RiceBurner · 25/02/2018 19:51

Am I the only one wondering why them MUST feed the dogs at 7am if they prefer to get up later?!

Off the topic I know, but we have a dog and feed it at 12.30 and 19.30, Don't know anyone who feeds their dog in the morning so early. So is there a reason?

Back on topic, they are annoying but you can't make them help you in the mornings. (You can only ask nicely and see what happens?)

If it gets too annoying, obviously suggest they only stay without the dogs. (Which I guess means they will stop coming to stay?!)

So good luck!

IfNot · 25/02/2018 19:54

Why don't you and your husband take it in turns to get up early at the weekend? Surely you don't both have to get up?

Urubu · 25/02/2018 19:56

As they are the reason your DD is waking imup so early I would say fair enough to ask them.
I am spoilt though, as when my DM stays here she not only offers to get up with the DC but she also takes the baby moniter during the night so that we not disturbed when they wake up in the morning

wewentoutonsunday · 25/02/2018 19:56

My kids were massively earlier risers. When we were at dmeobe else's or had visitors even earlier. It would never have crossed my mind to expect someone else to deal with it.

By the same token, I can't imagine I will ever get up with anyone else's kids either.

RedForFilth · 25/02/2018 19:56

Why do you and your partner both need to get up? Can't you take it in turns to sleep in at weekends? Or if your sleep is disturbed go to bed earlier? I just have an early night if I'm tired as I'm a single parent so haven't slept in for roughly 3 years. However if I took the step of moving in with my partner we would take it in turns to sleep in if we wanted to as that's sensible and fair.

RadioGaGoo · 25/02/2018 19:59

You'll get those who will say 'no, I'd never expect PIL/DM/DF to look after DC, they are your responsibility, blah da blah da', but at the end of the day, it would be nice of them to offer to watch their DG once in a while so the parents could get a break or lie in.

RedForFilth · 25/02/2018 20:01

RadioGaGoo but they're a two parent family so surely they can give each other breaks?

NinjagoNinja · 25/02/2018 20:02

It wouldn’t even cross my mind to get up with someone else’s child. I have done my share with my own kids

I'm so glad my parents and inlaws don't take this view. When we stay with them they always bring the children down in the mornings, make their breakfast, chat to them - watch kids tv in their dressing gowns with them. They like it, they want to help and give us a lie-in. I don't expect it ask for it, I just don't set an alarm and happily snooze through till about 8.30/9 then realise everyone's up and dressed - it's lovely.

They do the same at ours although I tell them not to. We're a family, we like to help each other. We look after our parents in other ways too.

My children are their grandchildren, not "other people's kids".

NinjagoNinja · 25/02/2018 20:04

In terms of the dogs, can you set your parents up to sleep downstairs with the dogs so the whole house isn't disturbed by the barking and loo trips? Assuming you have a downstairs loo?

On a sofa bed I mean - not in a dog basket!

RadioGaGoo · 25/02/2018 20:06

RedforFilth Maybe they would like to lie in together once in a while?

Skittlesss · 25/02/2018 20:08

YABVVU. Get up with your own daughter. I wouldn't expect someone in their 70s to get up at 5.30am with my child and then look after them all day as well.

Original poster

Bexterfish · 25/02/2018 20:13

They won't leave the dogs, the dogs are the centre of their world
Why do they 'need to feed then so early ' - goodness only knows! Butt if they don't they bark the house down
We don't invite them, they want to come to see dh and dd and we take her out of nursery because they ask us to so they can spend time with her, we have to tell nursery in advance if we are taking her or not, it would be very disruptive to take her for just an hour.
We do take it in turns to get up but I don't see why when it's their fault she is up so bloody early why they cant get up and watch her for a couple of hours.

OP posts:

DrWhy · 25/02/2018 20:15

I don’t think you are being totally unreasonable, both DM and my PIL have been known to get up with DS, particularly when we’ve had a bad night with him to give DH and I a lie in - I don’t expect it of them but it’s lovely when they do.

Original poster

Bexterfish · 25/02/2018 20:17

Radioggoo yes just once it would be nice to both lie in! And not get up at 5.30 the day before we go back to work. When they can sleep in every day for the next 6 months!

Skitless on the weekend we look after her all day. Its 1 or 2 weekday they take her all day. So if they got up in a Saturday they wouldn't have her all day

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 25/02/2018 20:17

We do take it in turns to get up but I don't see why when it's their fault she is up so bloody early why they cant get up and watch her for a couple of hours.

The fact that you’ve repeatedly ignored questions asking whether you’ve actually asked them to do this makes me pretty sure you haven’t.

Are you expecting them to be mind readers?

Xenadog · 25/02/2018 20:17

Can’t you send DD into their bedroom in the morning?

Married3Children · 25/02/2018 20:18

I wouldnt get up for their dog but I would get for my child (even if they are waking up because of someone else)
I wouldn’t let them sleep in if that means I am late for work though.
If they want to see their dgd du8rng the day, then they have to get up with her in time somthat yiu can go to work as normal.

Btw, why is it you who is late at work and not your DH???

Original poster

Bexterfish · 25/02/2018 20:19

The main point is that she only gets up at 5.30 when they are here. Normally it's 7 and I'm fine with that!!

OP posts:

AnathemaPulsifer · 25/02/2018 20:21

If they're there on work days and looking after DD then they need to get up in time for you to go to work. Otherwise just drop her to nursery.

Original poster

Bexterfish · 25/02/2018 20:25

Married3children because it's me that drops her off at nursery normally and gets her ready in a morning and dh has gone to work by then.

Daisys we've never explicitly asked them. It seems rude to ask so explicitly But we've made it clear that it would be nice/ helpful. There's no way they don't know. I've tried to suggest they stay with her when they feed the dog but they just go back to bed.

OP posts:

RedForFilth · 25/02/2018 20:25

Why would you need to sleep in together if you're just sleeping though? Life just isn't like that once you have children.

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