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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think they should get up for us

88 replies

Bexterfish · 25/02/2018 19:15

Mil & fil are retired and in their late 60s early 70s. They live 300 miles away but come and stay 3-4 times a year for a week or so with their 2 dogs. When ever they stay they get up in the night for the toilet and the dogs bark randomly in the night and generally disrupt everyone's sleep. The dogs 'must ' Be fed by 7am. My dd 3yr old normally wakes up at 7 but when they are here it can be anything from 5.30 because of all the night disruptions. Its always before 7. They always leave me and dh to get up with her. They get up, Feed the dogs and go back to bed until around 9. Me and dh both work. Aibu to think on a weekend at least they should get up with dd and let us have a lie in. They have never done that once in 3 years. On the days we work we have to get ready for work and sort her out before we go even if they are looking after her for the day (shed normally go to nursery).

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 25/02/2018 20:27

I would tell them they can’t bring their dogs unless they’re going to get up with her at 5.30am Grin

Historicallyinaccurate · 25/02/2018 20:27

Haha, you're lucky then, we're awake for work at 5am in this house, every weekday:).
If you don't ask they won't even think of it. Make sure it's cleat it's because of the disruption caused by the dogs. If they don't like it, they don't have to stay.
Btw I don't see why you would have to notify nursery in advance of the day if they were going to pick her up an hour or so earlier than usual. How is this disruptive?

Original poster
Bexterfish · 25/02/2018 20:30

Because getting up at 5.30 the day before a work week makes us shattered for the whole week. Normally we both get to sleep until 7 when their dogs arnt waking everyone up

OP posts:
Original poster
Bexterfish · 25/02/2018 20:32

Historically. Not for an hour early but someone was suggesting putting her in for just an hour in the morning until they got up. That would disrupt her and confuse her and nursery would expect to be told in advance they were only taking her for an hour

OP posts:
codswallopandbalderdash · 25/02/2018 20:32

Personally I wouldn't let the dogs stay

mrsfuzzyboots · 25/02/2018 20:35

She’s your daughter, your job to get up. Although yes it would be nice if they offered. You could always ask them if they wouldn’t mind. However, no way would I be having them and the dogs to stay, it sounds bloody horrendous.

shushpenfold · 25/02/2018 20:39

Your DH needs to sit down with them and be honest. Explain that the dogs are disturbing you and your dd and the difference in her wake up time due to them. You’re very sorry, but they need to deal with their barking in the night (ie stop it) or not bring them as it’s exhausting having them currently. You love to see them but not in this way.

jkl0311 · 25/02/2018 20:40

YANBU I would be horrified if I was a granny and someone asked me when I was staying to get up so I can have a lie in?!?!

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 25/02/2018 20:40

Yabu, its not that often really is it? Annoying yes but cmon, its only an hour or so earlier than she normally gets up and its not every weekend.

There's no way I'd let the dogs stay though. I have a dog but she's mine and she's really laid back and no trouble at all. I'd not want the hassle of another persons in my house, especially when they're disturbing the peace at night time and bark to get fed in the morning. There are lots of lovely Kennals about Smile

Historicallyinaccurate · 25/02/2018 20:41

bex putting her in for an hour is just stupid. Seems you need to be a bit firmer with the gp and what suits you all, not just them.

Original poster
Bexterfish · 25/02/2018 20:44

It's not that often... 1.5 hours a day 7-10days x 4 times a year.
That's nearly 40 days a year of the in laws and their bloody dogs. It feels loads to me!!!

OP posts:
LavenderDoll · 25/02/2018 20:49

It's not loads
And if it bothers you this much why haven't you asked them?

junebirthdaygirl · 25/02/2018 20:50

I'm with Ninja here. Anytime we stayed with either gps when dc were young they had them in the mornings while we had a line in. Way past 7!! Just such a treat. And dc were so much more chatty with gps with us not there and all gps loved it. When my gd is here now l either get up with her and we have our chats or she pops up on my bed and we read stories. Its a great bonding time.
Any one arriving here with 2 barking dogs would fry my head.
I get you op.

ChasedByBees · 25/02/2018 20:53

If the dogs disturb everyone every time, they may not realise that it’s the dogs doing that, they may think that’s your normal routine. I think it would be reasonable to talk to them about the effect of the dogs on your sleep and find ways to reduce that effect, but your DD is your responsibility.

Original poster
Bexterfish · 25/02/2018 20:53

Thank you June. I didn't think iwbu but I was starting to wonder with the responses.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bexterfish · 25/02/2018 20:55

Chased they have been told loads that it's not normal and is because of them

OP posts:
Skittlesandbeer · 25/02/2018 21:10

If it were me, I’d nudge their guest room door open ‘accidentally’ and insert small child at 5.30am. Every morning. Surely they’d love a couple of hours of snuggle time in the pre-dawn? That’s the nice thing about toddlers, they are so persistent with games, songs, chats a ungodly hours. I‘m sure gran will catch on eventually.

Also it lets you throw the door open cheerfully at 8am and ‘start the day’ for all three of them at once. None of this tip-toeing around ‘guests’, it’s family, and your workday. Get the household energy levels up and at em with music, breakkie and big smiles.

Inertia · 25/02/2018 21:15

The dogs don't come. It causes too much disturbance to a working household.

If they insist on bringing the dogs they need to stay in a dog-friendly hotel.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 25/02/2018 21:22

It is loads to have disruptive inlaws staying.

BackforGood · 25/02/2018 22:14

So - say very clearly to them that it is not working for you as a family, to have the dogs disturbing everyone's sleep.
Even if they did stay up and entertain dd so you can have a lie-in, surely your dd getting up that extra hour and a half early is impacting on her.
Things change - when you got married, when you had a new born, when you have a toddler, and they will continue to when you have an older child and then a teen. You and dh have to let them know this arrangement isn't working for your family at the moment, so they can no longer come and stay for a week x 4 times a year, if they have to bring the dogs. They can choose to come less often, or choose to get a dog-sitter or use kennels or whatever, but, having the dogs waking the household at 5.30am doesn't work for you.

Historicallyinaccurate · 25/02/2018 22:16

Anytime we stayed with either gps when dc were young they had them in the mornings while we had a line in. Way past 7!! Just such a treat.
Not all go are the same though, are they? My IL would never dream of getting up early to look after the DC. In fact, when the DC were older and had an occasional sleepover without us (I'm thinking they must have been about 5 and 9) go told them in no uncertain terms to stay in their room until 7. Even turned them away when DC went to see them in their bedroom before 7. Some ppl are just like that. (Didn't live close enough to my parents at the time in case anyone thinks I'm just IL bashing!)

Ellendegeneres · 25/02/2018 22:31

Grin your in laws would hate me.
I’d refuse to let the disruptive animals come, and if they prioritised them over their grandchild, well that would be on them.
I quite like dogs, but I’d not have one stay that I knew would wreck my sleep (I’m an absolute bastard when I’m woken).
But also when my dp stay, given they’re awake before me anyway and they hear my dc they always see to them. My excuse is always that I’m too drugged up to respond before x time (prescription, obviously!) The actual reason is, I know if my dp hear the kids making a racquet they’ll want to settle them and want to gloat to me later about what a better job they do with my dc than me. I make sure to look suitably ashamed whilst grinning into my morning cup of tea Grin

FleurDeLizzie · 25/02/2018 22:48

It'd be the dogs that pissed me off. Neither my dm or my mil would have ever thought to get up early with my dc to give me a lie in but that I can live with. But barking dogs? Not a chance. They'd have to find alternative arrangements.

Blessyourheart · 25/02/2018 23:10

Historically I think it is totally reasonable to send 5 and 9 year olds back to their room until 7am. On the odd occasion my DC slept elsewhere they were under strict instructions not to wake the house up early. I have a no screen rules for sleepovers so my df's DC don't wake early.

I think it's a poor show for the GPs not to offer. You must raise this directly before thy visit. 'The dogs wake dd, if you want to bring them would you please get up with her until x?"

Ginseng1 · 25/02/2018 23:31

The Barking dogs would drive me nuts. Do u have a garage they cud sleep in? They sound v insensitive n selfish to me the GPS getting up is funny my in laws are great they'd always have the kids in their bed n get up with them when they stay or we stay. But my own parents it wouldn't enter their heads! They offer to babysit etc but no mornings! From chatting with friends tho it's the in laws who are more the exception.