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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel slightly hacked off when asked to pay to go to an engagement party?

61 replies

twinkleinthesky · 03/05/2007 16:43

Friend X (who eats round my house 3-4 times a week with her child adding approx £30 to my monthly grocery bill) has just got engaged. Lovely.

Friend Y offered to do her an engagement party meal for her. Ah, lovely gesture.

Friend X can invite 8 couples, me and DH are one of them.

The party is this Saturday. I have just had a message left on my answerphone asking for £10 a head plus bring a bottle.

I think its a bit odd. If I throw a party or a meal for my friends, I don't ask them for anything. I feel that if Friend Y couldnt afford to throw the party, then she shouldnt have offered. I would expect to bring a bottle or even contribute something towards the meal, for example after dinner mints or something.

What do you lot feel? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
oranges · 03/05/2007 16:46

no, a bit odd to ask for money.

FiveFingeredFiend · 03/05/2007 16:47

i think you should buy the ring

ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 16:48

oh for goodness sake - it inot much and it is an engagment party - whya re you worried - celebrate adn enjoy instead of maoing

oranges · 03/05/2007 16:49

throw an engagement lunch for friend x and y on sunday, and ask for thirty pounds a head to get your money back?

expatinscotland · 03/05/2007 16:49

I think the whole wedding industry has gone WAY OTT.

First there's the trend for stag and hen 'weekends' abroad costing hundreds of pounds.

Then weddings costing a bomb.

Now engagement parties, which are naff anyhow, asking people to pay?

What next, wedding showers?

Think I'd have to 'Thanks, but no thanks' that invite.

oxocube · 03/05/2007 16:51

V odd IMO.

butterflywings · 03/05/2007 16:51

No, you're right. If they can't afford it, then they should think about a cheaper option.

I would, like you, expect to be asked to just bring a bottle if you can.
Especially since they eat at yours for free all the time

When my sister throws parties, I usually take a bottle and offer to buy some balloons or something but she never asks for them.

ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 16:52

for god sake she is asking for some help towards the cost of a party. what is wrong with that.

pinkcandyfloss · 03/05/2007 16:53

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ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 16:53

why woudl you expect to just bring a bottle?

some peopel hjave a wierd idea of friendship tbh.

my mates, woudl not think twice about all mucking in if needed

oxocube · 03/05/2007 16:54

Actually, I would always bring a bottle (or two ) and some food - would check with host first if they wanted sweet or savoury - but find asking for money rather tacky

ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 16:56

I ownder if anyone has bothered to offer

pinkcandyfloss · 03/05/2007 16:57

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

AnneJones · 03/05/2007 16:58

Could you offer to bring food instead? Agre asking for cash is a bit.....you know

Manictigger · 03/05/2007 16:59

Oxo - ditto. Quite often I make pud if we're going to some-one's for a meal and we always take wine but ASKING for money? Are people going to start charging for dinner parties soon? It's a bit odd, like that childrens party thread a bit ago.

Tutter · 03/05/2007 17:00

that's odd imo

bakedpotato · 03/05/2007 17:00

agree with expat.
this tenner is only the beginning.
then you'll have hen/stag dos, maybe plane tickets to Tallin or wherever for the weekend. And hotel room.
wedding present.
maybe hiss a pay bar at the wedding itself.
crackpot.

ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 17:01

going to parp as it is making me cross

Original poster
twinkleinthesky · 03/05/2007 17:03

ThatBeetroot -Mucking in is fine but I think its a bit off when you offer to do something for someone and then expect them to pay for it.

Friend X has just called to check that I got the message. Some of the people going don't know Friend Y so Friend X is too embarrassed to ask them for money so she is paying for 4 of the couples herself.

OP posts:
pinkcandyfloss · 03/05/2007 17:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 17:05

even more reason that you should help without moaning. it is expensive. she has not asked you to fly to the moon, just a tenner. and as it is your friends engagement party you should all be helping. If you went out to a resturant woudl you not expect to pay?

ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 17:05

you!

ThatBeetroot · 03/05/2007 17:06

and what is wrong with a paid bar at a wedding???

pinkcandyfloss · 03/05/2007 17:07

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Gobbledigook · 03/05/2007 17:09

Is friend Y laying on the meal at her house?

Thinking about me and my own friends - if friend Y suggested it and said nothing, I'd expect that she'd offered to do it at her own cost. If she offered to do it at hers but at the same time said 'if we all contribute to the cost of the food' then that would be fine.

It's a bit strange to sort of offer to make dinner for friends at her house and then later leave a phone message to ask for money.

I'd have no problem at all contributing - it just sounds a bit weird the way she's gone about it.

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