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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about the kids

64 replies

Magicmoneysavingmummy · 24/02/2018 18:43

Just had a fall out with hubby dd1 made cupcakes earlier and I said to let them cool down and daddy will help her ice them. So she asked him several times I explained that he would once the rugby was finished. She then sat next to him playing on her tablet then dd2 climbed on the sofa too. he works full time and I work pt. He got annoyed with dd1 & 2 saying he just wanted to watch the rugby and told them to go and play in their playroom. He then got up accidentally knocking dd2 over she’s not quite 2 she burst into tears as overtired refusing naps at the moment. And then he said to me all you have to do is look after the girls when I’m at work. I shouted back and told him I work too and that I would actually like to watch things on the tv too. (Will be getting old tv out of wardrobe tonight and watching in bedroom. I pay for all the girls clothing and activities etc. We don’t have a joint account which is fine by me. I’m desperately looking for a term time job and to put dd2 in Nursery for a few hours 3 days a week. We have cover 2 days.I’ve asked several times for him too find out about childcare vouchers as these would work better for us. AIBU as i burst into tear and dd1 bless her said she loved me and that daddy was rude and gave me a cuddle and tissues

OP posts:
Snowysky20009 · 24/02/2018 18:46

Ah? You've gone from cupcakes- your working hours- to what you pa for.
What's your AIBU????????!

Snowysky20009 · 24/02/2018 18:46

Pay for*

Gide · 24/02/2018 18:46

What’s stopping you finding out about childcare vouchers?

DalekDalekDalek · 24/02/2018 18:47

You need to tell him to grow up and start paying for his children! He sounds like a waste of space tbh.

MyDcAreMarvel · 24/02/2018 18:48

Hide because it's her dh employer not the op's.

MyDcAreMarvel · 24/02/2018 18:49

Gide sorry.

EffingJeffer · 24/02/2018 18:52

Th I'm a bit confused by your post, but I presume it's because you're emotional right now.

Is your DP angry at you because he expects you to look after the children while he watches rugby because he thinks he's entitked to that because he works full time?

Original poster
Magicmoneysavingmummy · 24/02/2018 18:52

Sorry that all went out in one outburst. Just helping on weekend etc he is an excellent dad it just wound me up to a point today. I want to contribute more to the house. I had my own house then we had dd1 got married bought bigger house and had dd2. I felt the you’ve just got to look after the girls comment quite hurtful

OP posts:
Bluedoglead · 24/02/2018 18:52

Why have you got a TV in the wardrobe ? Surely if you have another TV you put it in kitchen/bedroom and it gives you another space for watching TV when both of you want to watch different things?

Rolypolybabies · 24/02/2018 18:54

Tax free childcare is now online. You can register for the family. All you need is husbands national insurance number and to register through Hmrc.

HTH

wellhonestly · 24/02/2018 18:56

You sound very fed up with the split of responsibility between you and DH and YANBU there.

However, offering someone else's help to ice cupcakes is unreasonable, if they have not offered. I would have reacted in a similar way to your DH, I'm afraid. (I'm female)

You need to have a serious talk with your DH (maybe after the kids are in bed?) about the split of responsibilities. And don't let it get angry. It can only work if you and DH remember you are meant to be on the same side.

Good luck.

PhelanThePain · 24/02/2018 18:57

Why did he need the children off the sofa for him to watch rugby? One was playing her tablet and the other doing what? I’m sure he could have zoned them out to fully commit to the all important kicky ball game. Hmm

Bluedoglead · 24/02/2018 19:00

And I agree that you can’t offer someone else to do something unless they’ve agreed first.

I watch the rugby. The rule is the kids don’t disturb me.

Doesn’t do them a pick of harm to learn that.

Slanetylor · 24/02/2018 19:00

Let him watch the match if it's important to him. Help your daughter ice the cupcakes. I rarely watch tv but if I'm interested in something I get annoyed if needlessly interrupted too. The rugby is a short competition. He was out of order though but is it a very rare outburst?

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 24/02/2018 19:04

Why did he need the children off the sofa for him to watch rugby? One was playing her tablet and the other doing what? I’m sure he could have zoned them out to fully commit to the all important kicky ball game

Daddy, look at this, daaaaaaddddy look, tom stop poking me, stop, waaaaaah daddy, thomas POKED me, daaaaaaaaaaaaaad, waaaaah, she started it, no i never, yes you did, DADDY, Tom says I started it etc. etc.

junebirthdaygirl · 24/02/2018 19:06

Watching rugby is a big thing to a keen supporter. No one here has taken their eyes of a screen this afternoon. Its best just to give him that opportunity and then you get your time another day or later. Its not worth fighting about where things get said that are not meant. He obviously loves his dam rugby..forget the fight and go on.

Tistheseason17 · 24/02/2018 19:07

I pay for all the girls clothing and activities etc

Why? Why doesn't he contribute to your children?

There is more to this. I sense frustration and lack of appreciation.

PhelanThePain · 24/02/2018 19:10

Surely if you want to watch something that requires your children to be absent then you should be the one going out of the communal room to watch it not banishing them to their rooms.

Quartz2208 · 24/02/2018 19:11

you are married to a twat but i think you know that

he expects you to do everything and pay for everything

Bluedoglead · 24/02/2018 19:11

I watch the rugby in the living room on the big TV. The kids have the kitchen tele.

TheSnowFairy · 24/02/2018 19:14

If he is a Scotland fan you are most definitely, without doubt, completely VVU.

HTH Wink

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/02/2018 19:17

They were asked to go to the playroom, not their bedrooms. Why is that unreasonable?

Downtime is important for adults; the only question here is whether OP gets some too?

Bluedoglead · 24/02/2018 19:19

Even if they had been asked to go to their bedrooms, if they had toys in there and were able to play there, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

They have a PLAYroom. Why can’t they, you know, go and PLAY in it?

FitBitFanClub · 24/02/2018 19:20

Hmm, so "all" you have to do is look after the girls whilst he's at work? It's that easy is it? But clearly not for him, if there's some rugby to watch! Then they have to be packed away upstairs so he can watch in peace?

And yet you say he's an excellent dad? I mean, there's no reason why someone shouldn't be able to watch a bit of sport, but he didn't have to be quite so unpleasant about it.

Bluedoglead · 24/02/2018 19:23

I reckon you ‘re pisssed off about a ton of stuff and especially pissed off about him watching the rugby so were passive aggressive cupcake making with DD1 to put him in the wrong.

I would have done that a few years ago.