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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about the kids

64 replies

Magicmoneysavingmummy · 24/02/2018 18:43

Just had a fall out with hubby dd1 made cupcakes earlier and I said to let them cool down and daddy will help her ice them. So she asked him several times I explained that he would once the rugby was finished. She then sat next to him playing on her tablet then dd2 climbed on the sofa too. he works full time and I work pt. He got annoyed with dd1 & 2 saying he just wanted to watch the rugby and told them to go and play in their playroom. He then got up accidentally knocking dd2 over she’s not quite 2 she burst into tears as overtired refusing naps at the moment. And then he said to me all you have to do is look after the girls when I’m at work. I shouted back and told him I work too and that I would actually like to watch things on the tv too. (Will be getting old tv out of wardrobe tonight and watching in bedroom. I pay for all the girls clothing and activities etc. We don’t have a joint account which is fine by me. I’m desperately looking for a term time job and to put dd2 in Nursery for a few hours 3 days a week. We have cover 2 days.I’ve asked several times for him too find out about childcare vouchers as these would work better for us. AIBU as i burst into tear and dd1 bless her said she loved me and that daddy was rude and gave me a cuddle and tissues

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/02/2018 20:34

The household doesn't defer everything waiting for the children to be in bed. Why should we do that? My husband's wants are fewer than our children's - and so are mine. Once everybody has what they need and the children have whatever activities they're engaged in, then husband or I will 'mind them' if one wants to do something else.

Kids don't rule our house and never will; that doesn't mean that we both don't put ourselves out for them, we do - but not all the time, for every little thing. Sometimes they will not be priority.

Bluedoglead · 24/02/2018 20:35

So there’s no give and take? The kids can come in the living room when the rugby is on but they know I’m watching it, keep quiet and give me peace.

I don’t watch got til they’re in bed. I don’t watch anything else really don’t.

Why am I not allowed to put myself first to watch what I want once in a while?

AlexaAmbidextra · 24/02/2018 20:36

He should have gone out to watch it if he's that bothered

Why the fuck should he be expected to leave his house to watch TV? There's some fucking skewed attitudes to men in this place.

PhelanThePain · 24/02/2018 20:40

If DH particularly wanted to watch something, I’d happily amuse myself elsewhere.

Yes, of course, but what if he just decided that you would go elsewhere? No discussion, just “I’m having this room now, leave, the bedroom is nice, go there”? That’s what happened with the kids in the OP. They were told to go.

blue you’ve just said your children can come in the room. So that’s not the same as the kids in the OP. They were sent out. It doesn’t even say they were making noise. They were sitting on the sofa.

newcarsmell · 24/02/2018 20:40

He sounds like a dick. And no, if he's not contributing fairly to his daughter's life financially then he's not a great dad.

troodiedoo · 24/02/2018 20:44

@AlexaAmbidextra if you're at home then you're on parent duty. Or does that just apply to the OP?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/02/2018 20:46

OP pays for the children's clothes and activities, newcarsmell, the husband pays for everything thing else presumably so where did you read that he's not contributing financial to his children's welfare?

Frouby · 24/02/2018 20:49

The dh works full time. It's saturday afternoon. They had done some baking with their mother earlier on and wanted some attention from their father.

Would the responses be the same if the father was gaming? Or playing on his phone? Or doing a 'hobby'?

We have football on in the living room on a saturday afternoon. Ds is 4. Ds knows daddy watches football on a saturday afternoon. Ds is allowed his tablet for that time. Or plays with his toys. Or can have cbeebies on in our room. But dp knows that as it is a family home with dcs in, a weekend afternoon is sometimes a bit noisy or chaotic or he might have ds sat chattering away to him.

Because dp has been at work all week so ds wants to spend some time with him. Dp also knows that tho I only work part time and from home I am usually bloody knackered too and appreciate him actually sharing the parenting.

It is not unreasonable for grown ups to chose what goes on the main tv. But it is unreasonable for grown ups to demand peace and quiet for a couple of hours on a saturday afternoon when there are young dcs in the house.

The only time I watch tv (and demand some peace and quiet) is from 8pm on a sunday. I think after 8pm any day is reasonable. But not weekend afternoons.

newcarsmell · 24/02/2018 20:55

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

"And then he said to me all you have to do is look after the girls when I’m at work. I shouted back and told him I work too and that I would actually like to watch things on the tv too. (Will be getting old tv out of wardrobe tonight and watching in bedroom. I pay for all the girls clothing and activities etc. We don’t have a joint account which is fine by me. I’m desperately looking for a term time"

I didn't word my previous post correctly. I took from this that op doesn't have equal access to money, given no joint account - otherwise I'm not sure why she bothered including that.

Also the fact that he thinks all she has to do is look after the girls while he's at work suggests he doesn't really value what she does and that he feels entitled to more down time than her.

Bluedoglead · 24/02/2018 20:56

I don’t understand why you’d have a spare tv in a wardrobe.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/02/2018 21:58

newcarsmell, I didn't read it that way, probably because my finances are separate from my husband's so didn't think anything of it. I assumed though that OP had access to money.

It's hard to know whether he values SAH parenting from just this one thread (for me anyway). I think OP should go out to work when she can just so that she's independent. I think every woman should actually because financial independence is a great thing.

I read the OP's posts as her expecting her husband to do 'things' with the children, whereas he just wanted to watch the rugby. In isolation, assuming that this is just a rugby 'thing', I don't think he's unreasonable. OP should have time to watch tv too. She doesn't say whether she does or not or whether her husband pitches in with the girls or not - I get the impression that OP is maybe a bit more child-centric than her husband is and that she's bewildered that he doesn't seem to feel the same.

It's really hard to know from just these few posts from the OP. I'm all for parents having downtime though - and peace and quiet to watch the odd tv programme, because young children can be very loud and quite annoying in their obliviousness of other people.

AlexaAmbidextra · 24/02/2018 23:42

Trudie. It doesn't take both parents to be 'on duty' at the same time. If the mother had a favourite programme she wanted to watch in peace I wouldn't expect her to have to leave her home either. And what's more, I'd bet money that she wouldn't be told to on here.

troodiedoo · 25/02/2018 03:48

@AlexaAmbidextra no it doesn't take two parents to be on duty. But if you're at home, you just are. You can only clock off by going out the door. Or kids being in bed.

TotHappy · 25/02/2018 08:38

The kids wanted to spend some time with their daddy. As it's mum who looks after them all day. He didn't have to do it while the rugby was on, he could have prearranged with op to keep them in another room, but if her dd said 'daddy was rude', I'm thinking he probably was. And knocking your two year old over and then feeling guilty so having a go at your wife is pretty immature.

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