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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about the kids

64 replies

Magicmoneysavingmummy · 24/02/2018 18:43

Just had a fall out with hubby dd1 made cupcakes earlier and I said to let them cool down and daddy will help her ice them. So she asked him several times I explained that he would once the rugby was finished. She then sat next to him playing on her tablet then dd2 climbed on the sofa too. he works full time and I work pt. He got annoyed with dd1 & 2 saying he just wanted to watch the rugby and told them to go and play in their playroom. He then got up accidentally knocking dd2 over she’s not quite 2 she burst into tears as overtired refusing naps at the moment. And then he said to me all you have to do is look after the girls when I’m at work. I shouted back and told him I work too and that I would actually like to watch things on the tv too. (Will be getting old tv out of wardrobe tonight and watching in bedroom. I pay for all the girls clothing and activities etc. We don’t have a joint account which is fine by me. I’m desperately looking for a term time job and to put dd2 in Nursery for a few hours 3 days a week. We have cover 2 days.I’ve asked several times for him too find out about childcare vouchers as these would work better for us. AIBU as i burst into tear and dd1 bless her said she loved me and that daddy was rude and gave me a cuddle and tissues

OP posts:
Original poster
Magicmoneysavingmummy · 24/02/2018 19:23

He had also said he would help ice them once they’d cooled. I’m fairness he has apologised and cooked dinner. I think I just boiled over today as I have work things going on as well and like to contribute as much as I can. Nb playroom will eventually become dining room again as kitchen fits a big table quite well

OP posts:
Chienrouge · 24/02/2018 19:26

To be fair, DH is a great dad, does loads with the girls and around the house, but we try and stay out the way while the rugby is on! It’s the only thing he’s really bothered about watching.

PhelanThePain · 24/02/2018 19:32

As you may be able to tell Wink I have no patience at all for sport taking over a communal family space requiring everyone else to piss off or sit in silence. Perhaps the playroom should become daddy’s screen time room.

Bluedoglead · 24/02/2018 19:35

Nope kids don’t pay for or appreciate the big TV so they get the smaller TV for their console/tv watching. I paid for the big tv (it’s only 30-something inches and it was 2nd hand but I still paid for it) and it’s mine to watch when I want to watch something on it (which isn’t all that often).

user1471506568 · 24/02/2018 19:37

I think we need more information really to make a judgement in whether you're being unreasonable, but I would guess you probably aren't.

I think you need to have a frank conversation with your DH about working hours, responsibilities and leisure time. The fact he works FT and you're PT is irrelevant if you're doing all the childcare when not at work during the working day and it definitely doesn't mean he's entitled to more child free leisure time at the weekend.

I agree entirely with everyone saying how annoying it is to have kids around when watching rugby. I actually find young children have a brilliant talent of ruining most adult centric activities but that is just what kids are like. Of course her dp could have arranged with OP for her to look after the kids and stop them pestering him, preferably in some quid pro quo arrangement where she gets done adult time too but it doesn't sound like any such arrangement was made. Just because he wants to watch the rugby, doesn't mean she should automatically facilitate this and take the hit childcare wise.

PhelanThePain · 24/02/2018 19:39

As is your right. I just happen to disagree with it. How would you feel if one of your DC bought an iPod and a set of speakers and decided they would play music in the living room for 80 minutes every Saturday for the rest of the six nations and you can either sit in silence and tolerate it or vacate the room? Its their money, and it’s theirs to listen to when they want to listen to it.

Chienrouge · 24/02/2018 19:40

PhelanThePain luckily we have two living rooms so DH can watch the rugby to his hearts content!

Chienrouge · 24/02/2018 19:41

Oh and I get my time (in return for keeping them
occupied during the rugby) tomorrow, when he’s taking the DC out for the day!

Bluedoglead · 24/02/2018 19:44

My dc don’t pay for the house so they could take their music to their room or the kitchen living end.

I only really watch the 6nations and got. So they have all those other hours and days and years to watch tv or listen to music in the living room. Plus, I pay the rent. I work full time and over time and shifts and fucking bust myself so they have clothes and food and a warm house and are provided for to the absolute BEST of my ability and by fuck if they dared to tell me to get lost out of that living room that I have literally walked miles to fund for them to have a pleasant environment they could fuck off and move out to their dad (the younger ones) or out all together to the older ones and hang by their own threads.

Lizzie48 · 24/02/2018 19:46

I thoroughly agree, @PhelanThePain my DH disappears into his 'cave' if he wants to enjoy listening to the football on the radio whilst doing jobs. Our DDs don't disturb him there. I disappear up to our bedroom if I want to watch the tennis during Wimbledon.

The communal living room shouldn't be hogged for sport imo.

Bluedoglead · 24/02/2018 19:49

I don’t have anywhere other than the living room or the kitchen. I can’t do in the kitchen because they need water/snacks/food.

And I’m the only adult in my house.

troodiedoo · 24/02/2018 19:54

He should have gone out to watch it if he's that bothered.

Anyone said that to me, they'd be out the door.

PhelanThePain · 24/02/2018 19:54

My dc don’t pay for the house so they could take their music to their room or the kitchen living end.

You know, I just knew that would be the response Grin

Bluedoglead · 24/02/2018 19:59

Seriously I live in a small 3 bed. We all have to accommodate each other. If there’s DC stuff on that they really really want to watch, they get the big tele. They even get the big tele for the console sometimes.

But that works both ways. If I want to watch the big tele for one of the few things it actually bothers me to watch, then yeah, I get to do that.

It’s all about compromise. I can’t go and watch the rugby in the kitchen because they are in and out all the time getting snacks, using the printer, getting juice and eating.

And I don’t think it’s a bad thing for kids to learn that sometimes mum has stuff she wants to watch and that gets put as a priority. I did’t do it when I was younger with my older ones and that is not the right thing to do.

PhelanThePain · 24/02/2018 20:07

If there’s DC stuff on that they really really want to watch, they get the big tele. They even get the big tele for the console sometimes.

And do you get sent to your bedroom when they want to play it?

Bluedoglead · 24/02/2018 20:12

No I go to the kitchen living end, as they did today when I wanted to watch the rugby. There are no TVs in the bedroom, although the boys can go off and watch stuff in their room on their laptops if they want.

I thought I said that already Confused

And the OP kids were being told to go to their playroom. Not bedroom.

ChocFudgeLover · 24/02/2018 20:13

Yanbu. Guess what? I can't watch anything on the tv in peace either. If you want to do that, do it after the kids are in bed. The household doesn't stop because one person wants to watch something on tv in peace.

PhelanThePain · 24/02/2018 20:17

No I go to the kitchen living end

Do you get sent there or are you allowed to stay in the living room if you want?

And the OP kids were being told to go to their playroom. Not bedroom.

You don’t have a playroom, so I said bedroom.

Bluedoglead · 24/02/2018 20:19

What is your problem with me?

PhelanThePain · 24/02/2018 20:20

Confused I have no problem with you.

PhelanThePain · 24/02/2018 20:22

This is the first thread I’ve ever come across your name. I’m engaging with you because this is a discussion board and we’re discussing the rights and wrongs of the situation OP finds herself in. You posted something I have an opposing opinion on and we’re now discussing it.

PhelanThePain · 24/02/2018 20:22

Christ this place gets worse every day!

Chienrouge · 24/02/2018 20:22

Being sent to their playroom, where I presume all their toys are, is hardly a punishment, is it?
I very rarely put the TV on so they prefer the playroom anyway.

PhelanThePain · 24/02/2018 20:31

I’ve got all sorts of fantastic stuff in my room. I’ve no interest in being told to go to it because someone else wants to hog the living room to themselves.

Chienrouge · 24/02/2018 20:33

If DH particularly wanted to watch something, I’d happily amuse myself elsewhere. DH would do the same for me if I watched TV (I don’t really, instead he takes the DC out so I can have peace and quiet to read). The DC (4 and 2) are also happy to go and play in the playroom if someone is busy in the living room. Swings and roundabout. No resentment.

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