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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Three child party??

106 replies

DailyMailFail101 · 23/02/2018 15:53

I have booked my son aged three a fourth birthday party for Sunday, I gave the invites out two weeks ago, out of 30children I have had 3rsvps. AIBU to still go ahead with the party, my son is so excited I haven’t got the heart to cancel it, but is it really a party with three children. It’s at a soft play centre I would still have to pay for all 30children as it was a special package offer. I’m so unsure of what to do, it’s made me feel really sad.

OP posts:
diddl · 23/02/2018 16:59

I was going to suggest changing it to a party at home or a trip out for those that have replied.

I guess that that would lose a deposit though?

GrannyGrissle · 23/02/2018 16:59

If there is no way to chase up parents then i would cancel and just treat the 4 children attending to soft play and lunch with cake. If you asked for RSVPs on the invitations and people can't be bothered to, then they can damn well pay for their own kids if they turn up. TBH we don't tend to go to huge parties where we are 'filler' as well, children, (DD is just 4 years old) neither do most my friends with children in DDs 'circle'.
I threw a party for 9 of DDs closest pals at our teeny tiny house for her 4th and 1 round of pass the parcel, an 'ice cream parlour' and dancing round with balloons to disney songs, along with 2 pinatas were all they cared about (despite the savoury buffet/games with prizes i'd organised) and the house wasn't trashed, i delegated the jobs to the parents (all pals of mine in their own right!) and the kids went home with their party bags and pinata goodies proclaiming it 'the best party'! Next year i will pare it right down. No huge stressfest for me thanks!

CatsRule · 23/02/2018 17:00

I have a similar situation. Out is a class of 20, I've had o e text saying her daughter couldn't make it. I met 2 parents (normally don't see any as I drop off earlier breakfast club) and their sons are going so so far only 2 people from his class are going! Party is next weekend and invites were given out weeks ago. He has invited a few others outside of school so thankfully will have at least a few more!

LookMoreCloselier · 23/02/2018 17:04

3 plus your son, so at least 4. Can children in England start school aged 3?! I thought they had to be at least 4yo.

Original poster
DailyMailFail101 · 23/02/2018 17:08

It’s a pre-school attached to a large school so we call it school, sorry to be confusing

OP posts:
Ilovecoleslaw · 23/02/2018 17:12

Wait this will be his fourth birthday party??
As in you've had three for him already this year??

PieAndPumpkins · 23/02/2018 17:18

Shut up Coleslaw ffs.

Can you cancel the party without a fine? You could contact the 3 replies and arrange something else? Pay for those 3 to go and soft play then back to yours for a tea party?

Ilovecoleslaw · 23/02/2018 17:21

Pie do you mean to be so rude?
I was asking a question so I could tailor my answer to it.
If it is the child's 4th birthday party and the children who had been invited had already attended a previous one, I could see why they perhaps wouldn't want to go to another one of the same child.

ittakes2 · 23/02/2018 17:22

I see this sort of thing on mumsnet and I think I must be missing something. I never had children just show up for a party - if someone has not rsvped - I just ask them at the school gate if they are coming. I need to know how many party bags to sort out!

FingersCrossedHard · 23/02/2018 17:24

In future I'd stay well away from the type of party you have to pay full price for all invitees. You'll never get anywhere near 100% attendance from a whole class invite IME. Especially at this time of year for illness, it usually hovers around 50-70% I find.

PieAndPumpkins · 23/02/2018 17:25

Yes my rudeness was fully intended in response to your own. Stop being obnoxious.

FingersCrossedHard · 23/02/2018 17:26

Seriously coleslaw, do you think it's likely the op is referring to her child's fourth birthday this year? Hmm

MadMags · 23/02/2018 17:26

Coleslaw, you really thought OP was posting about the fourth party she was having for her child? Really??

Summercat · 23/02/2018 17:28

I would just get on with it. I reckon at least half a dozen will turn up.

The stories on here remind me of a colleague I used to have who invited 40 people to her 40th birthday party. (30 adults and 10 kids aged 7 to 14-ish.) The start time was 7pm...

7 people turned up. (Me, and my husband and 2 kids, an ex colleague of hers, and 1 neighbour and her husband.)

It was heartbreaking to see. It was her 40th, and she had put on a huge spread, and got lots of booze for everyone, and she and her daughter and son had done some music mix-tapes, and put streamers and balloons up, and 7 people came. We were the first there at 7.10pm, and she was beaming from ear to ear; very excited!

8pm came, and no more people were there. Confused She was looking really angsty, wondering where everyone was. Then, just after 8pm, her ex colleague, and 2 neighbours came (just a few minutes apart...) 8.30pm came, then 9pm... No-one else.... Sad

She kept saying to her husband 'where IS everyone?' Sad It was so awkward and uncomfortable. By 10.15pm, it was clear that no-one else was coming...... The atmosphere was quite low and dull as she kept going off to the bathroom (we found out later it was to cry,) and so regrettably, me and the others decided to leave at 10.30pm-ish.

Didn't see her again much after that; she sort of drifted away....... humiliated I think, and didn't want to see people.

Never forgot this. It was very upsetting.

I genuinely hope at LEAST a dozen turn up OP.

kitkatsky · 23/02/2018 17:34

Oh god, this drives me crazy when people don’t rsvp. They wait for the day in case a better offer comes along. I’d go ahead. Doubt he’ll mind if he has a few mates to play with/ presents etc

Alloftheboys · 23/02/2018 17:44

Unfortunately it's too late for chasing now I think -I would have tried to contact other mums/got contact numbers from school earlier this week. Just have to cross your fingers and hope.

Ilovecoleslaw · 23/02/2018 18:22

Yes I honestly thought it was his fourth party.
I have now realised he's going to be four years old.
It's been a long week GrinWine

Summercat · 23/02/2018 18:31

What are you like @Ilovecoleslaw!!!? Grin

showgirl · 23/02/2018 18:32

We are going through a similar thing. Invited 20 children from preschool a week ago so far only 3 responses! We are lucky that there are already 13 children coming including cousin's and friends. It's a pay per head thing and I need to pay in full in about 10 days time. I just am not sure how many to pay for.

MacaroniPenguin · 23/02/2018 18:41

Your DS will love it, and he will actually be able to play with everyone there which is nicer than a bigger group really. Though maybe you'll get another 15 on the day, who knows.

However I do think you should ask, very nicely, if they could do something to adjust the price under the circs. The venue won't want to cook food for 30 and bin it. They might be more flexible than you expect.

Wakeuptortoise · 23/02/2018 18:49

That is so sad @Summercat.
I feel you should get back in touch. She must have ditched all of those so called friends and had no-one.
Op can you invite any distant cousins / friends' kids to bulk up numbers?

Klarabing · 23/02/2018 18:58

Kazoos? YABVU buying them... same league as whistles... Wink

Seriously I hope everyone turns up for you xxxx

Summercat · 23/02/2018 19:05

@wakeuptortoise

That is so sad Summercat.

I feel you should get back in touch. She must have ditched all of those so called friends and had no-one. OP can you invite any distant cousins / friends' kids to bulk up numbers?

Yeah I did try to keep in touch. I phoned and left messages, I texted, and I sent a Christmas card. (Didn't get one back which was unusual for her..) She never had FB or twitter, and this was almost a decade ago, and she never got in touch. She literally avoided everyone. Sad

With hindsight, I wish I had called to see her now.

She isn't even living in the same house now. I passed it on the bus about 2 years later, and there were completely different people living there. I heard from a mutual friend that she and her family left the area. Tried to look for her on facebook. No sign of her.

Really sad I agree. Very upsetting.

Lizzie48 · 23/02/2018 19:21

That really is very sad, @Summercat how horrible some people can be, that poor lady. I think it's so rude not to RSVP, it takes less than a minute to send a text saying either 'yes, thank you for the invitation' or 'thank you for the invitation, I'm sorry but we won't be able to come.' It gives the host the option to cancel if there are not enough people who can come, or to invite other friends.

I'm sorry you're facing this, OP. I honestly would cancel the party and do something with the children who will be coming. It's not too difficult to prepare a spread (ham and cheese sandwiches, pizza, carrot sticks, party sausages), to bake/buy a cake. You can also do games like pass the parcel and musical statues.

A small party can be a lot of fun! Smile

Original poster
DailyMailFail101 · 23/02/2018 21:16

Thank you for being so kind everybody, i just feel awful for my little boy he’s so excited. I think I’m just going to go ahead and hope for the best. I just don’t understand people, it would never occur to me not to RSVP. I don’t care about wasting the money I just dont want to see my son crushed, definitely never organising a part ever again this is far to stressful.

@Summercat that’s awful, she obviously suffered anxiety and depression after that experience, Poor woman.

OP posts: