To be uncomfortable with people publicly begging for organs (sensitive)

[BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot]

In the news lately has been a lady with a very poorly baby begging for a new heart (might be wrong on that) my thoughts really are with them but the words "without this they'll die" upset me. Do they not realise that another infant needs to die in order for theirs to live and not only that it needs to be the death of a relatively healthy infant.

It's a tragic no win situation for anyone involved and I really really feel for those waiting for an organ. But it makes me uncomfortable when people beg for one seemingly unaware of the consequences of this. But I'm sure they are it just rarely comes over like that. I'm waffling as I know how desperately emotional this is.

Well it's a very sensitive situation and I can see what you are saying but if my child was desperately ill I guess I would want to do anything to keep them alive

I think the issue is that some people still don't donate, in the tragic event of something happening to them. This ad I see as raising awareness of this. To me it's far worse that some dies who could have donated and saved another, but didn't, and thus the second also tragically died but didn't have to.

Unfortunately I have personal experience of the transplant process and have never come across anyone who does not keenly understand that someone dies to save them. It’s a heartbreaking process but you are talking life and death of course people will publicly appeal and so they should . It may make all the difference

But she isn't asking anyone to kill their child so hers can live. She's just asking if people who lose a child can consider donating the organs. I think that's fair enough (and I've lost a child)

I have a friend who needs a kidney transplant probably from a living donor. He keeps posting on social media begging friends to donate. THAT makes me uncomfortable. Various friends have felt under pressure to explain why they cannot donate when he has pinned them down publicly online. I understand his desperation, but...

It doesn't always need to be another child - I know a little boy who had a heart transplant and the donor was a fully grown man.

But it is a very difficult topic, because for organs, esp where we only have one of said organ, someone has to die before someone else can be saved. animal stem cell research may be the way forward here?

YABU, no one is suggesting we kill healthy infants so unhealthy infants can have their hearts. What would you do if it was your child who needed a new heart, sit quietly and pretend you didnt want one?

We should all be uncomfortable. Uncomfortable enough to sign a donor card, hopefully.

If it makes more people sign up then why not. If that was your child you'd try anything.

Perhaps he will die if he doesn't get a heart.

YABU We need to raise awareness of organ donation so that when/ if that terrible time comes, people make the decision to donate.

I don't get the discomfort

either way 2 babies or die or one does to use your emotional language

this baby CAN live with a new heart - a donor baby will not live regardless of donation

something good can come out of the worst situation - or not

Yabu no one needs an organ once they are dead.

Is her post maybe very poorly worded?

Some people would rather organs rot in the ground or get sent up in flames than be used to help others to live - a true "throw away society" - that attitude needs to change.

It may be poor wording on the mothers behalf but I think there is nothing wrong with raising awareness for organ donation and giving blood.
Of course it shouldn't be aggressive, but it needs doing.
I've been told not to post photos before when I go to give blood as it's a bit gross etc, and I understand it's not to everyone's taste but I bet you most of those people would happily receive blood or an organ if they needed it to save their lives with no squeamishness.
One way to reduce this squeamishness and raise awareness is to have people post their experiences etc on social media.
That doesn't mean it has to be done in poor taste or without thought however.

I understand where you’re coming from OP but I don’t think the parents that are appealing are doing so in a manner of not knowing the circumstances that would lead to their child receiving an organ but that they are challenging people as to why they may not have signed a donor card and to make them think twice. She’s not willing another child to die but she is pointing out that if that should happen, that child could help save her baby.

words "without this they'll die" upset me

Why? It’s the truth. Also pretty sure those parents are rather more upset at the thought of losing their child than you are at hearing about their situation.

Do you really believe that a family going through the transplant process has no idea what’s involved (I.e another person having to die to donate a heart)?

They’re appealing to those people (a majority) that are too intrinsically selfish to get themselves on to the organ donation register because it makes them feel squeamish. Yes, it’s unclmfortable hearing but not as nearly as uncomfortable as being in that situation.

My dad died in 2004 (bleed on the brain, only 57). During the hospital process, when it was said to us that he was 'brain dead' and they had completed the stem cell tests, organ donation was mentioned once by one of the doctors and that if this was something that we, as a family, would like to do then the transplant coordinators would talk to us. It was not mentioned again by the doctor. My mum and I both give blood and dad had always said how proud he was us for doing this, so it was an easy decision for us to make.
The transplant coordinator was so so professional, she answered all our questions and I remember in my numb state that she remembered all our our names (there were 12 of us in the relatives room).
Day donated everything that he could, except his lungs as the blood from his bleed on the brain and travelled down and filled his lungs, so could no longer be used. His heart went to a 52 year old man, close to death. His kidneys went to two young women and even his bone marrow helped leukaemia patients. We received a letter from the transplant coordinator around a year later, giving us an update on all patients whom dad had helped. It didn't make the grieving process any easier but it was the right thing for us to do as a family.
I strongly believe that the system should be to opt out.

A few weeks later when I was going through my dads things, I found a donor card that he had filled out back in the 80's

I know it is not relevant to the baby situation but it is awful that the wishes of the next of kin can still overrule the wishes of the deceased themselves.

I would like to think that if something happened to one of my children I would donate their organs. If having seen an emotive advert helped me keep in mind the child we could save, it might make it easier to consent.

In addition, if my child was dying, There is nothing I wouldn't do to try and save them.

@patstar
Cross post - none of that was directed at you!

If it was your child, you'd do anything but yes the implications of that organ being available is someone elses worst nightmare. It's a really hard situation, and I do think the system should be opt out rather than opting in.

A friend of mine’s son tragically passed away a week after birth. They decided to donate his organs and he went on to save the lives of multiple other little babies. It was a great comfort for them in a time of immeasurable loss. One baby has already died; why would you begrudge saving the lives of others?!

YABU - I would do anything to try to save the life of my child, including making people feel uncomfortable. They're not asking for a human sacrifice or a life for a life. They're making people aware that the death of their loved one could help another person survive rather than have their organs rotting away in a grave. I think the organ donation programme should be opt out rather than opt in too.

thinking about anyone, particularly a child, dying is uncomfortable. When you have a healthy perfect little baby you don’t tend to have chats about him or her dying. However, sometimes even perfect healthy babies get sick and die and when parents are trying to come to terms with the fact that their baby is dying, making decisions about whether or not they want to donate their organs is often something they’re not in the right frame of mind to be doing.

The reason there is so much publicity about organ donation is to try to encourage us to have these thoughts, and for people to have these conversations with their families, so that if the worst ever does happen we already know how we feel about it.

If you have a baby who is waiting for a heart transplant, that child WILL die if they don’t get a new heart (it is not a decision taken lightly to put a child on the transplant list). For that family, this is the reality. They’re thinking about the almost inevitable death of their child every day. They’re not asking for a child to die - we don’t kill kids for their organs.

If this baby is to get a heart, the child who becomes a donor will already be brain-dead before the decision to donate is made. If that child’s parents have already thought ‘I know it’s an awful thing to imagine, but if our baby died I’d like her to become an organ donor’, they’re not having to have this conversation for the first time whilst they’re trying to come to terms with the loss of their child, they know this is what they want to happen, and in the long term they may find a huge amount of comfort in the fact that their child has helped other children and that a part of her is living on.

YABU. Organs rotting when they could be saving lives is awful. Of course she used emotive language her child is dying!