To be uncomfortable with people publicly begging for organs (sensitive)

[BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot]

In the news lately has been a lady with a very poorly baby begging for a new heart (might be wrong on that) my thoughts really are with them but the words "without this they'll die" upset me. Do they not realise that another infant needs to die in order for theirs to live and not only that it needs to be the death of a relatively healthy infant.

It's a tragic no win situation for anyone involved and I really really feel for those waiting for an organ. But it makes me uncomfortable when people beg for one seemingly unaware of the consequences of this. But I'm sure they are it just rarely comes over like that. I'm waffling as I know how desperately emotional this is.

Yabu.
If the unimaginable happened and I lost my dd (touch wood it won't) I couldn't bear the thought other families will go through the same pain and I could have done something to prevent it.

Patstar - I think it's great that you got a letter stating how your dad had helped other people live. I give blood, and even that small thing gives me a thrill when I get the email saying my pint of blood has been used in Croydon General (or wherever).

I also think it should be an 'opt-out' system.

I agree. This is different to the situation in which a previous poster mentioned having to defend why they did not want to donate a kidney. I am also someone who has lost a child and I would do anything to save my surviving children if I had to. I would have appealed had that helped my DD1 too. We could not donate DD1s organs but I would have if we could have. It's truly impossible to know what it is like to lose a child unless you have.

Patstar, I loved reading your update about your Dad's card. You all did an amazing thing and I am glad that it felt right to you and clearly your Dad too.

"To me it's far worse that some dies who could have donated and saved another, but didn't"

This. In spades.

I really support changing the law on this to make opt-in the norm.

I don’t mind making people feel a bit uncomfortable if the overall impact of that may be less people die while waiting for an organ transplant.

Thankfully I have never been in the situation to need an organ nor need to decide if they should be donated - but I would without doubt accept an organ for me or a loved one so my view is for that to be a comfortable decision I would also have to be willing to make that decision to allow someone else to have that chance. When I am dead they are no good to me!

I don't understand why you'd be offended by someone's heartfelt plea to help save their child's life. They're not forcing anyone to do something illegal or hurtful. Compared to half the crap on social media nowadays this is something good, IMO.

You are being unreasonable.

There's nothing wrong with encouraging people to donate organs of people who are going to die/are clinically dead. Especially if it raises awareness. So many organs go to waste ...

We donated my dad's organs; it's what he would have wanted. And the family also donated the organs of a cousin, a young child, who died tragically when I was a child myself. It's the right thing to do; they were of no use to them anymore, but they could help other people go on to live their lives.

I think that people should have to actively 'opt out' of organ donation as well. And anyone who chooses to opt out, as is their right, should also not be allowed to be put on an organ transplant list. IF you're not willing to donate in the event of your own demise, you shouldn't be allowed to accept one.

Do they not realise that another infant needs to die in order for theirs to live

Of course they do!
More than anyone.
They are living with death every day. They are acutely aware of what they are asking.

What kind of person doesn't understand that?

I recently attended a study day where there was a presentation from a paediatrician who performs post-mortems on babies. The images made my blood run cold and I am not particularly squeamish. The thought of that happening to one of my little children makes me feel ill. I can imagine if, god forbid, one of them died, I would not want to have them cut apart...

And that is exactly why emotional appeals like the one talked about in the OP are so important. Should the worst happen to one of my babies, I might remember that mother's pain and decide to donate their organs, even knowing what an opened-up deceased child looks like, because I'd remember the anguish of that other family, waiting desperately for an organ.

Can you post a link to this story?

No ones begging you to rip out your organs and give them away, all they are asking is that people sign up to give organs, they are raising awareness of how important it is.

I joined the stem cell list after seeing someone begging on social media, I didn’t really know about stem cell donation until I saw something about it. It was easy to do and one day I might be able to help someone. Same as being on the organ register.

Sorry but I dont see the issue here.
The woman ‘begging’ for a heart for her child isn’t begging for another healthy child to die.
She is begging the parents to let doctors use the heart of the child they’ve ALREADY lost to save another child life.

Do they not realise that another infant needs to die in order for theirs to live
So they do realise that. Actually they are living in the fear that their own child will die everyday.
What they want to see is a change in attitude towards organ transplant and for Pepe to be happy to donate organs, even the ones of their own child.
TBH I think it should be compulsory and people should have to say explicitly that they don’t want to be an organ donor rather than them having to explicitely saying that they want to be (and for their wishes to be overridden once they are dead because relatives don’t want to)

FFS OP , what planet are you on? Clearly one where the air is quite thin.

So what if you’re upset? You’re not the one dealing with a drastically sick child on a collision course with death.

And sheesh, of course the family know what must happen for their child to receive a transplant.

Some people just really are dumb and should pause and think before they start with the sentimental hand wringing.

I think yabu. I thought it was quite morbid wen it was first mentioned to me but wen I thought about how many babies might be dying cos a deceased childs organs weren't used, that chilled me. My dd is on the donor register she is 4.5 (has been from 9 months old). When she's old enough 2 make these decisions 4 herself if she wants to remove herself that's fine but honestly I think it would bring me a small amount of comfort knowing that my loss had meant possible multiple other babies got 2 grow up.

Hearing that this baby may die if they don’t get a heart isn’t going to prevent other babies dying. People die, it’s the only guarantee we have in life, so why not pass on something that you can no longer use?

The people on the waiting list are fully aware of the impact of the phone call they hope to receive- both the impact on their lives and the family that make the decision to donate. Don’t act like you know what it feels like when you’ve never been there. Survivor guilt - on top of surgical recovery and sometimes complications of transplant.

It’s not the easy road it’s made out to be but it may be the only chance some children and adults have to stay alive.

Yabu, I totally believe in the 'opt out' proposals for organ donation, ie, for it to become common practice for all suitable organs to be used unless specifically stated not to.

Of course, I hope to god, a million times over, that my children don't die before they're old, old people (long after I'm gone) but unfortunately it happens every day to somebody and the organs are not getting through to people who can be saved. It needs saying.
If I was in that position, with a dying child, and hundreds of suitable organs were being buried inside the bodies that no longer needed them. Of course you'd want to scream and shout!
Death should not be taboo, it happens to EVERYBODY.

Would you prefer if they just shit up and went away so you could pretend that children and babies don’t die FFS the living hell of watching your child get more and more poorly every day, knowing that they may well die. Knowing that somewhere another child or young adult will die and another family will go through the hell of bereavement.
And you want them to stop “begging” and be quiet
Jeez

I think it is a good idea to raise awareness. I know that I would want to save someobe elses life if somethong terrible happened to me or my loved ones. I have also told people around me how I feel. If they show these kind of ads people will start express ing their wishes to their families.

I would have opt out too but I think we need to be careful of creating a culture where people feel pressured to donate the organs at a time they are coming to terms with a traumatic and unexpected death of a loved one.
I think we also need to help families know that transplant isn’t easy, it’s not a miracle cure and many, many people are not eligible for a transplant despite being very sick.

This will be me in few years, begging people to sign up because my son will require the ultimate gift of someone else's lungs to live. I don't give a toss about how uncomfortable people will feel, I would sell my soul not to be in that position and would happily paint it on my naked body and stand in Central London if I thought it would get my point across, if listening to my 'uncomfortable' plea makes even one person sign up and share their wishes with their NOK then great.

They're not "seemingly unaware" of where the organs come from. I think the problem there is with your interpretation.

My nephew will eventually require a heart lung block transplant. It's extremely difficult to pray that he gets the organs in time to save his life, while knowing that another person has to die for him to get them. I guarantee you that there is a 0.0% chance that the family of that baby isn't painfully aware of what that new heart will cost another family.

OP, YABU. Of course they know where the heart will come from, and I’m sure with a sick baby of their own, they understand the cost and agonize over it. But I’m sure if any of us were watching our child die, we’d do almost anything, including beg.

I also believe in opt-out. France put an opt-out system in place once they discovered that nearly 90% of people said they’d donate their organs, but then only 40% of families were making the decision to do it; therefore, opt-out actually had a better chance of respecting an individual’s wishes while saving a lot of lives.

Singapore’s system is also interesting, though I’m not sure how I feel about it - if you choose to opt out of being listed as a potential organ donor, you’re at the bottom of the waiting list if you need an organ transplant one day.