To be uncomfortable with people publicly begging for organs (sensitive)

[BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot]

In the news lately has been a lady with a very poorly baby begging for a new heart (might be wrong on that) my thoughts really are with them but the words "without this they'll die" upset me. Do they not realise that another infant needs to die in order for theirs to live and not only that it needs to be the death of a relatively healthy infant.

It's a tragic no win situation for anyone involved and I really really feel for those waiting for an organ. But it makes me uncomfortable when people beg for one seemingly unaware of the consequences of this. But I'm sure they are it just rarely comes over like that. I'm waffling as I know how desperately emotional this is.

Thank you purplepanda,

I think its important for people to know how it all 'works; very different to certain medical soaps on tv. They very slowly take you through everything and answer all your questions.

Also, in my earlier post I forgot to mention that two years after dad died, we got an invitation to go to a conference in London (the leader heart transplant guy was heading it, really sorry but have forgotten his name). At this event there were people there who had received organs and a beautiful speech from a mother of a teenager who had just had the conversation about wanting to donate, only for her to tragically die soon after. Her mother spoke with great pride about what her daughter had donated.
At the back of the conference stage, was a big screen where all the names of loved ones who had donated over the last two years periodically came up throughout the day.
It was a very sad and happy day, with lots of tears and lots of hugging

When I was 7 a friend of mine died suddenly, his parents decided to donate his organs that could be used. This was explained to me by my mum, and has stuck with me for the rest of my life. His mum has gone on to raise money for a charity and often gives speeches etc and she talks about how at the time it didn't help but looking back she is glad that her son's organs saved another child's life. Organ donation is important. My friends dad is on the waiting list for a kidney transplant, who knows if he will get one in time, can you imagine living with the knowledge everyday that someone needs yo die so you don't. It may be emotive but that is exactly why it's important.

Some people would rather organs rot in the ground or get sent up in flames than be used to help others to live - a true "throw away society" - that attitude needs to change.

And should be made law, IMO. There can be no excuse for burying or cremating viable organs.

I agree with rolltop
I am an advocate for organ donation but relatives MUST have a choice.
Being a donor affects where you can die.
It affects the time loved ones can spend with you when you die.

That might not seem an issue to everyone and that is fine but let us not take the choice away from everyone.

We should be working towards a much greater choice in death and dying not taking options away by forcing relatives to agree to donation.

If my child needed an organ, and would die without one, I'd do anything within my power to buy them more time.

If the emotive language of a parent facing the loss of their precious child offends you then you must have led a life without such heartache. Lucky you.

I think there is still a lot of suspicion and misinformation around a organ donation. We need to work harder to ensure people have an understanding of the process before they are faced with making the decision.

I don’t blame this mother for making an appeal. If I were her I would be doing everything I could to help my child too.

Yabvu.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I know the campaign you are referring to and for some reason the way it came across made me feel uncomfortable. It was almost like the mother was saying "if people knew how awful it is for me to have a poorly baby they wouldn't hesitate to donate their child's organs and should be obliged to do so".
Making the selfless decision to donate a child's organs when they have died must also be so difficult and certainly not something people should feel forced into.
Although I'm happy to donate my own organs and know there are many desperate people waiting for donors I didn't like the way this was put across.

Forgot to add that the information I heard was shared in the context of MPs debating an opt-out donor system.

A family friend had a child who died very soon after birth. Years later through an investigation they discovered that their child's organs had been taken without consent. It was a horrible, horrific thing to find out and they were rightly heartbroken and outraged and everything else you could imagine. They weren't asked. They still believe in organ donation to save lives and would appeal for anyone to donate. And they would have every reason to be disgusted with the concept after all they've been through.

If the appeal/ads lead to awkward conversations before the situation where emotions are all over the place (understandably!) then it's worth it.

OP I agree with you.
I used to work in a transplant unit and parents were encouraged not to make public appeals because it is in very bad taste and unnecessary.
I feel very strongly about it and what a lot of people don't realise is that even if the required organ became available other patients may qualify before the person appealing , the organ may not be suitable or the patient may not be a match.
It's wrong to appeal on so many levels.

My child will almost certainly die but because op and a few others find It bad taste I won’t talk about it.

Ffs, get over it.

It’s a very sensitive area but to put it in perspective no-one is asking someone to kill their kids so they can have the organs. It’s about raising awareness re donation. In the unfortunate event a child died then people are asking others to consider it in order to potentially save their child. That’s quite different to the spin the original post put on it.

YANBU in feeling uncomfortable, but if that family manages to make a single person consider donating their child's organs then I believe your discomfort is completely irrelevant and worthwhile.

I really hope it makes people change their minds. I struggle to get my head around why anyone wouldn’t donate. I’m not going to need my organs when I’m gone, if they can help anyone that’s brilliant.

I agree, OP. It makes my stomach churn. While feeling desperately sorry for anyone in that position, no-one is entitled to receive anything from anyone else's body.

The way forward is artificial organs, no donation system will increase the number of donors as we get better at dealing with the conditions that cause the sorts of deaths where organs can be "harvested". People have to die first unless it's an altruistic kidney donation.

People and the media seem to talk about it like giving blood. If only people weren't so selfish and donated their organs!

Well, I'm a regular blood donor and am on the organ donor register. I can tell you that I plan to live a long a healthy life and don't actually intend to become an organ donor, ever.

I don't think individual please for organs where someone has to die are particularly beneficial in terms of finding a donor, but I do understand that parents feel the need to do 'something' in such a terrible situation.

I'm not a big fan of pleas for living donors though... I can't quite pinpoint why. Recently a saw a media campaign with billboards and car advertising saying effectively 'help me find a kidney for my son or he will die' on all of the families cars. A few of my friends had taken pictures of the ads and were sharing, and there was a lot of 'save this little boy's life - imagine if you were his mummy!' The 'little boy' is a middle-aged married man. Still tragic but I am super creeped out that they obviously decided that framing the need was for a child instead of a forty year old was more likely to result in donors. It wouldn't occur to me to drive round in a car with 'save my son!' all over the back window to try and get a kidney for my 47yo dh. Desperation might change my mind, I guess? He's nearly died before, but nothing that a donor could save, so maybe I just haven't been in that position.

I personally think that organ donation should be opt out, not opt in, so if people really are uncomfortable with the thought of there organs being donatrd after death then they can stop it happening. I know its a bit controversial but when i die, i wont need my organs, theyre either just going to rot away in a coffin under ground or be cremated, as thats what i want for my funeral. If my organs after im dead can help prolong someome elses lifr then why not. Im not saying that it should be mandatory but the opt out option would be better. For adults who have died who havnt opted out, it takes the pressure if whould they have wanted to donate questions away. For children its a different story, emotions are higher with younger lives but, god forbid if anything happened to my dc i wouldn't want someone else to feel the same grief as me and if th at means donating their organs then i will, and i would live betger knowing that some parts of them are out there living and helping to live. I am on the donor register and my dp allnv with our three dc are, at the ages of 3, 5 & 6. God forbid anything happens to them but if it did, I wouldn't have to worry about that because it is already done. If it was the other eay around and my child needed a donor or new heart, o wouldnt think twice about asking people to consider donating, thats my child and i would do anything to make sure they live a happy healthy life, and i would gladly be in debt to the person or people who donated themselves or on behalf of someone else or child. Why die and let our organs rot needlesly when we can help other people have a happy long life long after our deaths?

Very few people are suitable to be organ donors as they're either too old or the disease they had damaged their organs too much. Maybe the reason why people are squeamish about it is because it is associated with an early / untimely death? So inevitably the death will have come as a shock to the family and they're able to make that decision.

I agree with organ donation bring opt out, and I don't think the family should be able to override the decision to be on the register, unless there is a good reason (eg lacking mental capacity).

I also agree that if you opt out then this should bump you further down the priority list should you ever need an organ.

This interview gives an insight into the process from the parent of a child donor's perspective. I think the bravery and sensitivity of this is an incredibly powerful way to get people thinking about the issue. www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p02m6kgn

What the individual pleas may well achieve is to get people talking, is to make it so people’s friends and family are aware of their wishes which means if they are ever in that awful situation of having to make the decision they can make the decision based on the wishes of their loved one and hopefully allow them to help save others.

It is one of those things which it is so important to talk about when we are fit and well to make our views know.