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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset he yelled at me

91 replies

Twocatsonebaby · 23/02/2018 12:55

So long story short, my dp fails to help me with anything. We have a 10 month old dd and Im due number 2 next month. He's a hands on dad which I'm glad about. But things like housework etc, I have to ask for (which I don't feel like I should) and I always get "I'm busy" when he's in a game. (gaming addiction. I don't give a shit what he says. It's an addiction.) so I struggle a lot but I plough on.
So dp lost his job in January which bought in decent income. I'm part time but I'm now on maternity again. (which they've messed up so for a few months I'll be getting no Income. Im furious ) so my partner signed on and we were then told 2 weeks after by letter he was entitled to £0. He phoned up to find out it was income based Jsa? I don't know I've never signed on luckily. So we had to fill out a new form. I say we, he's incompetent and makes me do it. 24 days later, nothing has been done and we're really struggling for a roof over our heads. A credit card debt. Luckily I have everything for baby number 2 and my dcs I've made sure are provided for.
But he just got off the phone to the benefits office and told me I'd filled the form out wrong, it was my fault and its my fault work have messed up my maternity. So I told him to get some damn clothes on and we will go up to the job center now to do the form as I'm fed up of struggling. I'm fed up of all my money going onto bills and he can buy a game. I need things for my hospital bag and can't afford them. But it's just been none stop yelling at me and blaming me. It's not my fucking claim!
So then he decides to yell at me that he doesn't want to go to the job center today and he wants a day on his games. (he spends every day and night on the damn things)
I'm pissed off. Sorry ladies. I need a rant. I'm upset, hormonal and 35 weeks pregnant.
So now money from my birthday that I needed to buy hospital things with, even basics is going on the debt he put me in cause he just had to buy a game.

OP posts:

Qcumber · 23/02/2018 15:24

I'd leave before the baby is born as it will be much easier without a newborn and another young child. If you want to leave work then get down to the job centre and explain, apply for everything you're entitled to.
If it's your house then kick him out. He won't change. Give baby your surname. Also you can change a baby's name before they turn 1 without having to do it by deed poll (I think) so I'd probably change your older child's name as well. Go through CMS for child support and let him go to court for access. What a waste of time he is. (I have mental health issues and a daughter, yes it's hard as you know. Mental health issues are not an excuse for being a lazy, aggressive person). Good luck.

ineedwine99 · 23/02/2018 15:37

OP can you not get rid of him asap? He'll be causing you a lot of stress and while pregnant that's not good at all. Apologies if i've missed this, but is it your house? If so can you get the locks changed once he goes out?
Glad you have your mum for support, if needed can she stay with you or you with her while this is sorted

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 23/02/2018 15:40

Some of the comments on here seriously, it's really easy to hoick up your judgey pants and spew comments that put the boot in.

@Twocatsonebaby I honestly think you need to get rid of this waster and concentrate on getting on with your life. One thing at a time, don't go to your aunt's, you don't want to and that's fine. Sell his bloody console and games so he makes some contribution to your house. Tell him to get to the job centre and while he's out, pack him a bag and leave it on the doorstep.

Look after yourself and your dc

Pumperthepumper · 23/02/2018 15:49

I honestly don’t know how anybody can say they have no sympathy for a women who found herself with two children under one with a partner who won’t provide or care for either of those children. I also don’t understand why people think it’s ok to say ‘why did you have children with him?’ - what answer are you expecting other than ‘I don’t have a magic seeing-into-the-future machine that would make me think my partner was this useless as a father’

Glad you’ve made up your mind OP, best of luck to you for the future

sparklepops123 · 23/02/2018 16:00

Sell the console and if he asks you need the money for basic living - true,then kick the lazy bastard out

Hillingdon · 23/02/2018 16:30

She didn't really 'find herself with two children'. She clearly has poor choice in men. No one chose that man for her. She chose him, had a child and then another one

lynmilne65 · 23/02/2018 16:33

Well I am sorry for the children

Pumperthepumper · 23/02/2018 16:53

She didn't really 'find herself with two children'. She clearly has poor choice in men. No one chose that man for her. She chose him, had a child and then another one

She had no idea what kind of father he’d be when they had their first, then her DD is two months old and she gets pregnant again through contraceptive failure. So not planned, so ‘find herself with two children’ is about right.

‘She clearly has poor choice in men’ - He’s the one making poor choices here, not her. Like, the choice not to care for your own children. The choice to pay bills for those children instead of a game for yourself. The choice to go to the job centre/get a job so your kids can eat, that kind of thing.

MsGameandWatching · 23/02/2018 16:59

Do you regret your children OP? Do you wish you'd never had them? Do you think they will wish they weren't here? I bet you and they don't.

I think all of those posters sneering at you and regretting your children on your behalf should STFU quite frankly and be as disgusted with themselves as they should be.

MsGameandWatching · 23/02/2018 17:02

What a shit hole MN has become. There was a time when a poster berating an OP for having children with a man who turned out to be problematic would be shut down pretty quickly and it certainly wouldn't be repeated over and over again as it has on this thread.

strathmorewater · 23/02/2018 17:10

What a waste of space :(

NordicNobody · 23/02/2018 17:23

What pumper and msgame said!

expatinscotland · 23/02/2018 17:26

I'd sell his damn Xbox, too. A few quid you can use.

GabsAlot · 23/02/2018 21:01

kids wont need the x box for years yet

if its your just take it away not his to play on

and just coz he wants to be at the birth doesnt mean he can

Charley50 · 23/02/2018 21:39

Op you sound very strong to me. Sorry about your brother. I lost a brother to suicide too and know how much it messes you up.

Don't go to your aunts. I actually think you could help this guy to sort himself out, and get a job etc. and make a good team. but I think he might be to dumb to realise this. So you're doing the right thing in ltb.
Don't let him drag you down.

Skittlesss · 23/02/2018 22:16

Just be careful - the fact that he's shouted at you "non-stop yelling" over something he should be sorting out himself is worrying.

If you do think he's addicted to the games then I worry about his reaction if you just take the machine away.

You sound like you're in a vulnerable position and whilst it's easy for us all to say "sell it" "throw it out" etc, it might not be the wisest thing to do. Allow him to play on it - it'll provide a distraction for him whilst you get things sorted to kick him out/leave.

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