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Original poster

To be upset he yelled at me

91 replies

Twocatsonebaby · 23/02/2018 12:55

So long story short, my dp fails to help me with anything. We have a 10 month old dd and Im due number 2 next month. He's a hands on dad which I'm glad about. But things like housework etc, I have to ask for (which I don't feel like I should) and I always get "I'm busy" when he's in a game. (gaming addiction. I don't give a shit what he says. It's an addiction.) so I struggle a lot but I plough on.
So dp lost his job in January which bought in decent income. I'm part time but I'm now on maternity again. (which they've messed up so for a few months I'll be getting no Income. Im furious Angry ) so my partner signed on and we were then told 2 weeks after by letter he was entitled to £0. He phoned up to find out it was income based Jsa? I don't know I've never signed on luckily. So we had to fill out a new form. I say we, he's incompetent and makes me do it. 24 days later, nothing has been done and we're really struggling for a roof over our heads. A credit card debt. Luckily I have everything for baby number 2 and my dcs I've made sure are provided for.
But he just got off the phone to the benefits office and told me I'd filled the form out wrong, it was my fault and its my fault work have messed up my maternity. So I told him to get some damn clothes on and we will go up to the job center now to do the form as I'm fed up of struggling. I'm fed up of all my money going onto bills and he can buy a game. I need things for my hospital bag and can't afford them. But it's just been none stop yelling at me and blaming me. It's not my fucking claim!
So then he decides to yell at me that he doesn't want to go to the job center today and he wants a day on his games. (he spends every day and night on the damn things)
I'm pissed off. Sorry ladies. I need a rant. I'm upset, hormonal and 35 weeks pregnant.
So now money from my birthday that I needed to buy hospital things with, even basics is going on the debt he put me in cause he just had to buy a game.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twocatsonebaby · 23/02/2018 13:30

Our dd has his last name. Whereas my name is different, they still have it. I'm very old fashioned in the sense I think kids should have their dad's last name if he's a relevant part. But I'd never stop the contact or attempt to. It's up to our dcs to decide what they think of their biological father.
Mine is an asshole who let me suffer abuse from his ex. But I had a dad (stepdad) and although it's not his name I take, I'm glad my mom put my dad's down for me. It's also a thing about siblings. They're full siblings like me and my brother were. (committed suicide) there were no questions asked and it was nice having the same name

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 23/02/2018 13:37

He's a baby daddy. Don't bother putting him on the birth certificate.

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 23/02/2018 13:37

Twocats, you sound like you are getting there in your head. I wouldn't worry about having him at the birth either, women have managed for years without a birthing partner, I can't imagine he will be much use anyway!

Situp · 23/02/2018 13:40

I would sell his consoles to fund your hospital bah

Situp · 23/02/2018 13:40

BagHmm

Motoko · 23/02/2018 13:41

Don't go to your aunts tomorrow, and sell the console. No point keeping it for the kids, it'll be obsolete by then. Use the money for your hospital bits.

Kick the dickhead out.

NordicNobody · 23/02/2018 13:43

When I was pregnant with DS I was working as a ta and dp was finishing his PhD. My job finished in July and his funding ran out around the same time so we had no money from July to October when my mat pay was due to start. After 28 weeks pregnant I was entitled to income support which was back paid to me. I suggest you look into that. I can't remember how much it was - £400 or £500 pm i think? Better than nothing.

I would ltb though. He sounds like a wanker. Btw my contraception failed too, that's life, shit happens sometimes!

Plipplops · 23/02/2018 13:43

He’s clearly doing a terrible job of supporting you, emotionally and financially. Do you think he might be suffering from some kind of MH problem since DD was born/losing his job etc? I went to a talk the other day about PND (and mental health in general), and was amazed at the evidence for men suffering too.

I’m not saying he’s not behaving awfully, but does he need help and is there any way he’d accept it??

PaperdollCartoon · 23/02/2018 13:44

@Twocatsonebaby actually the tradition has always been that children get the mum’s surname if parents aren’t married. It’s really only changed in the last couple of decades. Give baby your name and change DDs if you can.

The man is an arse and you’d definitely be better off without him. Sell the console and use the money for things you need, it’ll be outdated by the time your kids are old enough to use it, and if you want to play those older games, old consoles will be cheaper then and you’ll have more money (you can get a Sega Megadrive for £20 now)

This man is not a PARTNER. Sorry if you’ve mentioned this and I’ve missed it, but is your home yours or both togther?

NordicNobody · 23/02/2018 13:44

www.gov.uk/income-support/what-youll-get

SleepySheepy · 23/02/2018 13:55

You poor thing OP, you've ended up in a bad situation and to top it off some people on here are being quite nasty to you. I'm sorry for that.

His gaming definitely isn't normal. To hopefully give it some perspective, my DH is a gamer and when he moved in with me his playstation was the first thing that came too, but we have a family and he considers everyone else around him so only plays when it's convenient for everyone else. If it's an evening when I'm about too he will ask if I mind, and if I say I do mind, he will quite happily not play. Work, kids and housework all come before gaming.

Honestly I would sell the console, for two reasons - you need the cash and it won't be worth much in a few years, and to properly get rid of the thing. I'd cut the cables off, but what's the point in that when you could get some much needed cash for it?

He's not always been like this, it sounds like he provided for you before and things have gone downhill. Perhaps once he sees how serious you are he will buck up his ideas and sort himself out again, but you have to be prepared to stand up for yourself and if he doesn't sort himself out, kick him out and don't look back.

Big hugs

geekymommy · 23/02/2018 13:55

I play video games (but I'm pretty sure I'm not addicted). I have a job. I would like a day off to game, too. Do I tell DH he has to go on a trip he doesn't want to take so I can have that? No, I do not. And if I did, he'd say no. He's being VVVVVVVU.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 23/02/2018 13:56

It sounds like you both need to grow up a little.

He needs to get a job and stop gaming and you have two children so quitting work because they messed up your maternity pay is madness and selfish.

It sounds like you had barely lived with each other before having children so had no stable base to start with and no real knowledge of each other.

Quite why you rushed into babies with a man you didn't really know is astounding, one may not have been planned but sex can lead to children so if you really didn't want any more then you should have been far more careful.

The two of you have created this mess, now you both need to fix it. You don't do that by quitting work or not bothering to find any.

littletinyme1 · 23/02/2018 13:58

I am sorry for your troubles. However, although you describe a sad background for yourself and him you ate enabling his behaviour. You sound pretty fiesty but you are being forced to travel miles away??

Stop allowing him to opt out-the last thing you need is another child to look after! SELL the x box - i am guessing you bought it? He won't have time with two little kids to look after for any sort if playing for hours on end. Secondly, do not have a go about the job, if you know he can't write. Clearly, he is avoiding trying to get a job because he is lacking in confidence. Do everything you can to get him in employment ASAP.

So don't go to aunts. Sell x box. Structure his day for him. Look for job. Sign him up for adult literacy classes so he can support his kids as they ask fir help with h/w or just ask him to leave. You would be able to get far more financial support without him.

Original poster
Twocatsonebaby · 23/02/2018 14:15

We lived at his families for a year. It was a long commute for me to work so then we moved when he had a new job early 2016. The job was near where we are now so it made sense when we planned dd to move closer to work and my family. It is mental health I'm sure it is. I know what he wants. But the thing is now its getting in the way of providing and he's leeching from me. Literally leeching everything.
When you have kids it's not about you. My ptsd still gives me nightmares, anxiety makes it so I don't want to go out, but you can't let it get in the way of your children and they're future. They didn't ask to be born so personally I suck it up, take her out to the park etc. That's why I can't keep doing this with him. If he's going into a spiral for our dcs sake he's doing it on his own because they're more important

OP posts:
Original poster
Twocatsonebaby · 23/02/2018 14:16

@yellow whilst I appreciate your comment. You have it entirely wrong.

OP posts:
Chugalug · 23/02/2018 14:20

Find the strength...LBT 💐

LagunaBubbles · 23/02/2018 14:33

Quite why you rushed into babies with a man you didn't really know is astounding, one may not have been planned but sex can lead to children so if you really didn't want any more then you should have been far more careful

Sums it up really.

Bluedoglead · 23/02/2018 14:34

Shouldn’t you at least be getting maternity allowance?

LifeBeginsAtGin · 23/02/2018 14:50

I'm leaving work as they've fucked me about and obviously if I'm not getting paid,

So the taxpayer is footing the bill?

Nanny0gg · 23/02/2018 14:55

If you can't be bothered to RTFT at least read the opening post!!

I'm part time but I'm now on maternity again. (which they've messed up so for a few months I'll be getting no Income. Im furious

AngelsSins · 23/02/2018 14:55

Our dd has his last name. Whereas my name is different, they still have it. I'm very old fashioned in the sense I think kids should have their dad's last name if he's a relevant part.

Where has this idea come from that its traditional for the baby to have the fathers name? It's not!! It's traditional for the baby to have the same name as the mother, and if the mother is married, she would have traditionally taken her husbands name (meaning the baby would have this name too). Unmarried mothers giving their babies the fathers name is a very new thing, not tradition at all.

MsGameandWatching · 23/02/2018 15:02

Did it feel good to repeat that little telling off Laguna? So good it needed saying twice?

Bluedoglead · 23/02/2018 15:06

How are you getting to your aunts?

carolmusic · 23/02/2018 15:16

Sounds like he contribute absolutely nothing so what difference will it make to you if he's not there, you're doing everything already. Get rid ASAP. Prepare yourself for the crap he'll give out but stay strong, you can do it, many women do it and we all survive and are far happier. Good Luck.