Dog problems

[helloBuddy]

Hi,

I just wanted opinions really.

We got a dog in 2016 and had just recently had a baby. We've always had difficulties with the dog, he's reactive on the lead and had separation anxiety. We've coped with this until the new baby arrived, the first few days he was awful, howling, trying to get near the baby etc. He has calmed down now and we've introduced him to the baby in a controlled way, however he keeps trying to get to her when not invited and lick her. I never leave them alone together which is a task in itself constantly having to move one of them from one room to another.

The dog also hates being left alone, we try and limit this but inevitably he has to be left sometimes. I can hear him barking when I leave the house and return. The neighbour has commented about it as well but so far isn't complaining. I also feel an immense amount and of guilt when I'm going because I know he hates it. He evens barks when we go to bed at night but will settle after about 5mins.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I would like to rehome but my partner is very against this. I feel he needs more attention then we can currently give him and needs somewhere without a baby. He's only a small dog but I worry what he could potential do. Does anyone know how easy it is to get him into rehoming charity?

Thanks

What breed of dog is it? Would you be able to use a play pen for him in the main room or could he get out? If you can work out a way of getting through the next few months it will be worth it

Why on earth did you get a dog when you knew you were having a baby?

Interesting you’ve used the word ‘coped’. Have you done any structured training with the dog with a trainer/behaviourist?

@KinkyAfro if you do the maths, you'd realise we had the dog before getting pregnant which was unplanned as we thought we couldn't have children but thanks for you constructive input.

We have attended numerous behaviour classes and had a dog trainer out and he's great with them but seems to think he can do what he wants with us. I am more disciplined with him than my partner and he does respond more to me but still not great. TBF though he has improved over the last 2years, it's just harder to give him the full attention he needs now.

@Dipitydoda our living room isn't very big. We have gates on both the doors so I put him behind them when needed. He's a JRT.

You have my sympathy. I'm just about to post about our JRT. Ours is aggressive. He has bitten me, OH, my BF and most recently and most seriously OH's elderly mum. If yours is aggressive I would not take any chances. I would rehome.

Pls dont start to think to rehome him! Of course he is going to be displaced - the baby has only just arrived and things have yet to settle down.... you know that mantra - " A dog is for life..." and all that jazz. A dog is a commitment, just like a baby. If your baby turns into a child that has a bit of a biting problem, or isnt good at sharing - you wouldnt dream of getting rid of them.

I know a dog isnt a baby or a child, but you commit to look after them, so that is what you need to do. There is no point thinking you have tried classes, as this is anew set of problems that werent apparent when you went to class.

You need a dedicated dog behaviouralist to help. You have to both invest the time, and saying you dont have the time isnt an option Im sorry. It might be tough, but thats what happens when you have pets and a baby. Same as what happens, when you have a child and a new baby - more commitment = more stress and less time to do it in.

PS - I said all of the above as the dog is not aggressive towards you or your baby. That would be a very different set of circumstances.

It seems a real trend to get a dog as a baby substitute then rehome once a baby arrives. I feel really sorry for everyone here avdcwish people gave getting pets more thought.

He needs investing in. Do you walk him enough? Play with him? Can you take him out with you to some places? It’s surprisingly how many places accept dogs, maybe when you visit family and friends you can take him to those places too? Obviously there are times when he has to be left but there are probably more times when you can take him with you than you realise.

Have you thought about doing something like flyball or dog training classes with him? Mental stimulation can tire dogs out.

It sounds like a very difficult situation but those are just a few suggestions.

I don't see how being reactive on the lead and having separation anxiety are reasons why you would rehome him. It's sad how often threads come up of people having a baby then wanting rid of the dog.

Could you look into a dog behaviourist? Regarding the he separation anxiety start by leaving him alone for very short periods of time ie 40 seconds then go back in the room with making a fuss, build the time up for each time he's left. Keep doing it.

Make sure he's getting enough exercise as this will stimulate him mentally and physically so hopefully this will help him to calmer at home.

Feel for the little dog, he's had his world turned upside down and he's relying on you and your partner to make everything right for him.

Sorry without making a fuss obv

I’ve assumed that he isn’t aggressive. If he is, that’s a totally different thing IMO especially around a baby.

My dog had seperation anxiety when we first got her, it can be really stressful to deal with and obviously very stressful for the dog. Ours is fine now, but it was hard work. Giving the dog a routine saved our sanity. She likes to know what's going to happen and when, she is happy for us to leave now, as she knows when we will come home. When she barked when we left the room, we ignored for a little while until we returned and then we slowly built up the time we left the room for. Remember, that to a dog, even negative attention, is still attention and if barking achieves that, that is what she will do. We got a dog trainer in for a few sessions who helped us to teach her some tricks - it built our confidence up with how to deal with her and more importantly, it built up the dogs confidence. Key commands we learnt were bed, leave it, sshh, sit and wait - these are still a god send! She goes on pack walks with a dog walker during the week, I know it might be expensive, but even a couple of walks a week with other dogs will build up their confidence and they will get to sniff, run and play as dogs should. Ours usually comes back knackered as well. In the early days of having our dog we even used to turn out the living room light at 8:30pm and just have to TV on, to signal to her that it was time to settle down - as part of her routine she still gets a cuddle before bed. I know all of these things help, because on a weekend when the routine changes, she does become more challenging.

You might want to ask to move this to the Doghouse section - lots of informed helpful advice and slightly less feisty than AIBU

Also food can have a big impact on behaviour believe it or not. What are you feeding him? Eden is very good and free from additives.

A good dog trainer trains the owner in modifying the dog's behaviour. The owner has to learn as much as the dog.

The barking when left sounds like separation anxiety. The best way to address this is by going out for very short periods, and gradually lengthening the time you're away, so he gets used to it and starts to learn that you ARE going to come back. Give the dog something to keep him occupied while you're out (a kong toy stuffed with treats is ideal). Make big fuss of him and praise him when you get back.

Dogs need mental stimulation as well as exercise. Play games with him indoors, with a tuggy toy or by hiding a small toy and getting him to find it.

Does he get plenty of exercise (this is hard when you've got babies/toddlers, I know)? A tired dog is a happy dog imo. If he'll retrieve a ball, an hour chasing a ball in the park or garden will knacker him (less if he's a small breed or not very athletic breed). If not, teach him to fetch a ball!

This poor dog has already had a hard time and to rehome him again would make him worse.

There are loads of excellent dog forums where you can get advice from very experienced people. Champdogs used to be good, but I haven't been on there for years. I'm sure MNers will know what's currently good.

I would try a thunder shirt on the dog for separation anxiety.

Your dog is just coming to terms with this new person in the house. Did you medicate before baby arrived? Zyklene or plug ins or adaptil collars?

While baby is small, this is the best time for training. You need to teach your dog the leave command when he goes to lick baby. Distract with a treat and get him to sit and then treat. When he goes to move back to baby, repeat the process. It's hard work but they can live peacefully together.

Hi OP
Can you tell us the breed(s) of your dag,his background and age please plus how much daily exercise he gets and what food he is on?
These are the basic questions that need answering then we can help you between us I hope 🐕

I'd love to keep him, I just can't get it out of my head that he could potentially harm my baby. Saying that he has always been fine towards humans and young children he's just been difficult towards the baby.

He does get walks morning and night when there are less dogs around. I did intend to take him walking with the baby but when he's reactive it'd be difficult to deal with a pram as well. We also do take him to relatives houses when we go, we can't take him dog friendly places as he'd just react constantly.

I now see he's a JRT and will reiterate my advice tenfold!

Terriers are very bright and very energetic. They need a lot of exercise and mental stimulation. I have a terrier breed myself and Know how cunning and manipulative they can be too. You almost have to outwit the little buggers to train them (a friend who used to have fox terriers claims that you don't train terriers but "reach an accommodation" with them).

The key is rewarding the good behaviour. Make him sit and be quiet before you make a fuss of him, that sort of thing.

Why do you think he will harm the baby? I'm sorry but it seems that you're looking for an excuse to get rid of him. He hasn't been aggressive towards the baby from what you've said.

@KarmaStar he's a JRT/Daschund. He gets walked morning and night, the time can vary but minimum 20mins each time, usually more. He's on a mix of wet and dry food, tends to only eat this early evening. He's two and half years old.

A few posters have mentioned quality food (vital) and a kong - great suggestions. Dogs love to have a job to do, working to get food is exciting for them. We used a kong to feed her, it really did work (although we had to do biscuit hunts under the sofas, when some went astray as she is a scent hound). If you can get into a class, agility, fly ball, scent training, it might give you a break from baby, open you up to a new social life and you might start to enjoy your dog again.

If you really feel you can’t cope with the dog then re homing is for the best, but if you’re able to get through the next few months and stand firm more then things will get easier as the dog is getting past the puppy stage very soon so will automatically begin to calm down, my current and previous dos have all calmed down quite a bit shortly after turning two.
You’re right to never leave dog and child alone together but other than that it simply sounds like he’s just curious if the new baby and wants to show his affection with the licking, so obviously try to stop the licking because of germs but encouraging them to bond is good for them both.
I’m terms of the barking when you’re out, chances are the dog stops shortly after you’ve gone just as he does when you go to bed, my dog used to tap when I had to leave him for a bit and I had a neighbor comment a few times so I set up a camera to see what dog is up to and I found that he only barked for first 5-10 minutes of me going out, after that he’d sleep till he heard me coming in again .