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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what is the worst thing you've ever said during sex?

84 replies

mammyoftwo · 23/02/2018 07:38

Ok, I'll go first......I mean a friend, a friend said this......."touch my hair and I'll punch you in the face" after getting a haircut and really wanting it to last another day without washing.......

OP posts:
GetOutOfMYGarden · 23/02/2018 22:02

'i can't do this, the dog's looking'

Namethecat · 23/02/2018 22:08

How about a deep chesty cough which expelled him right out !

Deshasafraisy · 23/02/2018 22:11

*FloppyDoodle

I made a weird noise. During a slow intimate bit, I was taking a deep breath in through my mouth but my bottom lip kept catching on my teeth as I was breathing in, which made me sound like Hannibal Lecter.*

Crying with laughter at this 😂

Mummaloves · 23/02/2018 22:28

I'm hungry

Killed it a bit, but on the plus side, made him last longer as I threw him off his 'moment'

Original poster
mammyoftwo · 24/02/2018 08:53

You win namethecat!!!! GrinGrinGrinGrin

OP posts:
SaveBandit · 24/02/2018 09:25

I've told this before under another user name, but it's my only embarrassing sex story!

I had been talking to a guy who I had met on a night out and we kept meeting up with our friends but nothing ever came from it. We used to have a bit of a kiss and then plan to go back to the others house but it never happened. Then one night it finally did! I went back to his after quite a few drinks and we were in his bedroom getting a by heated. He took off his pants and 20 year old me had never seen a circumcised penis before.

Now I was quite drunk and I couldn't get my words out properly so I asked him "Where's the rest of it?" He just looked at me and I tried to explain what I mean but just couldn't stop laughing. He put his pants back on and then went and slept on the couch. I ordered a taxi after an hour long conversation with my friend on the phone and left. I saw him a few times after that and every time it was so awkward!

6demandingchildren · 24/02/2018 09:27

Dh to me just after he finished
"Mind the linen as you get up"

DontGoIntoTheLongGrass · 24/02/2018 12:45

Massive fancy fart during doggy style. Me silently shaking with laughter into the bed with arse in the air pointing up towards DH. He was good about it and stood waiting until my very extended fanny fart session ended...then carried on as if nothing happened 🤣

DontGoIntoTheLongGrass · 24/02/2018 12:46

Fanny not fancy fart. It certainly wasn't fancy !!

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 24/02/2018 13:43

"I love you"

I'd only met him that night! Blush I just sort of blurted it out.

GuntyMcGee · 24/02/2018 14:01

Not something I said, but while on top I got cramp in my hip so bad that I burst into tears and continued to sob while still trying to carry on. DH gently moved me off and said 'shall we stop then?'.

I've fallen asleep a few times while drunk.

My best one was DH and I going at it after I'd been on a night out. Pissed as a fart, somehow managed to fall off the bed, giggled, got back down to it and fell off again! Then managed to get myself wedged between the bed and the wall and couldn't get up for laughing. I found it hilarious, DH not so much. He tucked me up in bed and made me drink a pint of water before I went to sleep.

whitecremeegg · 24/02/2018 19:13

"the goldfish are watching"

NellytheElephant18 · 24/02/2018 19:14

After a particularly vigorous session in his work van - me on top, him sitting in the middle seat, I realised my hips had got so stiff without me realising I actually couldn’t get off “I’m stuck, im stuck - argh and now I have cramp!” I started screaming in pain and he had to pick me up and throw me off. Not my finest moment!

KC225 · 24/02/2018 19:15

NEXT

zaalitje · 24/02/2018 19:28

A) his best mates name

B) would you mind if I just nip to the loo, I'm bursting for a wee

loverofcake983 · 24/02/2018 19:47

After a particularly crap ONS I drunkenly ( but honestly) told him I've had better sex by myself"

Turnocks34 · 24/02/2018 19:50

Oh god. I broke up with my ex boyfriend, got drunk and decided to go home with my male best friend. I wasn't overly drunk but still managed to tell him I loved him, call him my exes name, and then ask him to stop because I didn't want to carry on anymore before crying hysterically. Poor lad. He proceeded to run me a bath, make me a cup of tea and then he sleep on his sofa for the night, before making me breakfast in the morning. Which I cried over.

Didn't put him off too much as we're engaged, with two babies now.

LilliesAndRosess · 24/02/2018 20:01

Not necessarily what I've said but I remember a "fling" when I was at uni and the guy put his hands by the side of my head I said "ah you're on my hair" and he heard "pull my hair".... I've never yelped like it as he grabbed my hair so hard BlushShock

Bixx · 24/02/2018 20:03

‘Stop talking. I’m trying to pretend you’re Ryan Gosling and you’re ruining it’.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 24/02/2018 20:28

Once just as we were about to DTD my then boyfriend did the most enormous fart, just said 'excuse me' and carried on

Birthdaycards · 24/02/2018 20:32

“Aww, it’s The Wombles!”

Tv was on.

juddyrockingcloggs · 24/02/2018 20:44

'Fucking hell Richard Whiteleys died'.

How we laughed. And stopped having sex!

Original poster
mammyoftwo · 24/02/2018 21:08

B) we've all been there zaalitje!!

OP posts:
BrokeAndBad · 24/02/2018 21:23

I'm taking one for the team

NoodieRoodie · 24/02/2018 21:37

That was lovely but roll me off the bed quick because I'm going to be sick! I My defence I was pregnant with DC3 and had SPD, DH lay on the bed and pissed himself laughing at me!