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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what is the worst thing you've ever said during sex?

84 replies

mammyoftwo · 23/02/2018 07:38

Ok, I'll go first......I mean a friend, a friend said this......."touch my hair and I'll punch you in the face" after getting a haircut and really wanting it to last another day without washing.......

OP posts:
StorminaBcup · 23/02/2018 11:26

I don’t think we’re compatible Blush

I was very drunk and trying to be kind but the next day this was all I could hear in my head. Poor bloke.

Jackreacherswife · 23/02/2018 11:26

Is that a brick shaped crack in the ceiling? Put him right off his stride!

JeSaisPas · 23/02/2018 11:27

I also asked "is it in yet?" It was a genuine question and I didn't realise how bad it sounded 'til my BF at the time got up and sulked for a few hours. No excuse but I was very young! Confused

APontypandyPioneer · 23/02/2018 11:28

I love you, oh god I need to fart. ((cue mega trumps))

It was the first time we had done the deed. We had been together a relatively short time and definitely were not at that level of familiarity. I don't know if my premature declaration of love of the mega fart was worse.We ended up getting married though!

loveulotslikejellytots · 23/02/2018 11:42

I didn't say anything but I farted Blush in my defence, I was 41+3 and it was a last ditch attempt at evicting the baby before I was induced. I was so bloated but also knackered so made DH go on top. Obviously the movement got things moving and I let a squeaky one out.

Like a trooper, DH carried on and as soon as we'd finished both fell about laughing. He hasn't mentioned it again thank god!

Raffles1981 · 23/02/2018 11:50

"I'm bored" to my exh. I just climbed off and had a shower. He said nothing. We were done at that point, in more ways than one.

Original poster
mammyoftwo · 23/02/2018 11:51

Yes upstart that definitely counts!

OP posts:
amusedbush · 23/02/2018 11:54

I've had plenty of weird things said to me during sex but the worst thing I've done was an unbelievably loud, forceful fart. There was no coughing to cover it up or passing it off as a noisy bedspring, just a second of horrified eye contact.

THE SHAME.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 23/02/2018 11:56

Did you feed the cat?

ChocDee · 23/02/2018 11:58

This one is far too recent for me to be able to blame it on youth - in fact it was last week...

Looked up and realised that DH's sexy face was a perfect replica of Popeye. One eye closed and mouth open to the side just waiting for it's pipe. I laughed until I cried.

Took us both by surprise but he was a good sport about it but I am now not sure whether that is in fact his regular sex face and that I have just not noticed it in 15 years. Bad wife!

BigDamnHero · 23/02/2018 12:02

I can't remember ever having said anything particularly bad but I did once sort of lunge forwards to passionately embrace DH (back before we were married) and managed to violently poke him in both eyes!

He considers it a point of pride that he managed to continue despite the pain and tears...

DonkeyPunch88 · 23/02/2018 12:08

Bugger the ceiling is leaking again.

We were living in a right dump at the time and had been told to keep an eye on it, luckily we laughed it off as shit oral skills Blush

FloppyDoodle · 23/02/2018 12:28

I made a weird noise. During a slow intimate bit, I was taking a deep breath in through my mouth but my bottom lip kept catching on my teeth as I was breathing in, which made me sound like Hannibal Lecter.

Twocatsonebaby · 23/02/2018 14:47

Heavily pregnant with sciatica "I can't get off" Blush

Original poster
mammyoftwo · 23/02/2018 21:28

MN at it's finest right here! Grin

OP posts:
Fluffyears · 23/02/2018 21:37

‘Is that it? Seriously ffs! You can get the bus round the corner, bye!’yep did the deed and chucked him out.

MmeGuillotine · 23/02/2018 21:44

I called him by my ex's name. I still cringe even though it was months ago. (Sorry for about the millionth time, if you read this.)

BothersomeCrow · 23/02/2018 21:46

I fell asleep once during sex. I had told DP it was likely and he might as well carry on, but he found it a showstopper.
Though not as bad as throwing up during sex.
Actually an ex of mine had to stop to puke during our first-ever shag. Amazing we lasted as long as we did!

MerryShitmas · 23/02/2018 21:48

All said by me
1."Can you calm the fuck down? That's my clit, not a feckin oven tray." It felt like he was going at me with a Brillo pad Blush

  1. "GONNA BE SICK" and then I was, all over him.
  1. I managed to break his nose during sex. Complete accident.... I slipped while on top went down full force head butt to the nose... oops.
  1. Brought a ONS home. Was DTD. He leant in for a kiss and my god the smell of his breath! I recoiled, he looked at me confused and said "don't like kissing?"
To which I replied "I do, just not blokes who smell like rotten milk" Blush I'm much more forthright when pissed! Grin

5.I think the worst thing I do with Dh is... have full blown conversations while Dtd... so we'll be going at it and he, without missing a beat, will ask if I remembered to feed the cat. I'll say yes but I forgot to put away such and such can you do it, then we'll carry on and he'll ask me to put some lime cordial on the Coles order...
God that's bad isn't it Blush Blush Blush
1, 2 and 3 were Dh.
Can't be that bad because well, he is Dh now!

user1471453601 · 23/02/2018 21:50

Did I bring the washing in? Well, he did ask what I was thinking

TheNewSchmoo · 23/02/2018 21:51

Jeff

tubbylittletwat · 23/02/2018 21:53

"Is that your thumb"?

Bridechilla · 23/02/2018 21:56

Grin ChocDee

Risen · 23/02/2018 21:58

Years ago, doing doggy & I got a bit too excited.

Instead of saying "Fck me harder", I got confused and said "harder me fck", on repeat Hmm

He said I sounded like a pirate. Sex didn't resume.

Original poster
mammyoftwo · 23/02/2018 22:01

Am guessing his name wasn't Jeff thenewschmoo?

OP posts: