MIL sucking on baby’s hand

[SilverBirchTree]

My 4 month old baby is going through a phase of constantly sucking on his hands and fingers.

Yesterday MIL said to baby ‘you like having your fingers sucked don’t you?’ and proceeded to put her mouth around his entire hand and suck.

My involuntary facial expression was . Seeing my reaction, MIL said in a baby voice ‘it’s good for my immunity mummy’ and then turned to the baby and in baby talk said ‘you need to build up your resistance. That’s a big word, resistance’ and so forth.

...She then continued to suck on his hands and fingers in front of me....

AIBU or is her behaviour as obnoxious as I feel it was?

I don’t mind people touching or kissing the baby’s hands... but full on coating them in saliva just seems disgusting. And odd. And bloody disrespectful to carry on with if you know the mother isn’t ok with it.

But I’m a first time pedantic mother so happy to be told I am wrong and overreacting.

Any immunity experts? Any MIL advice?

It's very hard if you're very non-confrontational, you have a child and suddenly there's no where to hide. You can't wiggle out of scenarios just to 'keep the peace' anymore. You have to learn to stand up for your baby and yourself and face the awkwardness head on!

I've been through it, i hate confrontation. Four kids.

Teachers, child minders, other people's kids, other kid's parents, doctors, neighbors, in laws, out laws, your own parents - these are all people you might have to stand your ground with at some point for the sake of what's right for DC.

Deep breath and do it OP. Chanel your inner fierceness. It gets more automatic with practice (i'm not going to say easier) and the baby stage is your training ground.

That's very weird. Don't let her hold your DS.

100% with you...that's a bit grim!! I can imagine your expression!! Not malicious or anything like that but ugh...gross!!!!

@RoseWhiteTips he used to pick her up when she was asleep and blow right into her face because it made her gasp. Apparently he thought it was cute. It was not.

I don't know about anyone else but all this talk of saliva and bacteria is making me put off kissing my own husband 🤢🤢😷.

Op I think you should read a bit about babies born without bacteria then when she does it a gain you can quote some facts at her.

By way op just out of curiosity what did your dh think ti the hand suck and weedkiller

...their dismissive and disrespectful actions only occur when DH isn’t there. This shows me that they do know what’s appropriate, they are capable of moderating their behaviour...and they are consciously choosing not to do so when they are alone with me.

Then you know what this is. Don't worry about alienating them. I don't think you should trust them around your baby. Less of them around your home would be no loss.

The issue here is not that the OP lets them walk all over her. The issue is that they want to walk all over her and they do not do it when the DH is around.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow

Fucking weirdo.idbe saying (in a baby voice) well grandmas talking bollocks isn't she?

Math: Have you ever sucked a baby's whole hand, Shamelessly? Or a finger? Or have you confined yourself to nom-nomming?

Shamelessly: Yes, as already stated, I used to gobble/suck my children’s fingers/hands in pretty much the same way the OP described her MIL doing

Here is what the OP described: ^Yesterday MIL said to baby ‘you like having your fingers sucked don’t you?’ and proceeded to put her mouth around his entire hand and suck...'

You did this? You put a whole hand into your mouth and sucked it?

You prefaced your sucking with the flirty question about whether your baby liked having his fingers sucked? The question that insinuates that the baby likes having body parts sucked, by someone else? The question that assumes a completely inappropriate thing about an instinctive behaviour of the baby?

That question is really, really jarring. It's something you would say to someone if you were about to suck their body parts in a sexual way.
The speech addressed to the baby beforehand raises red flags for me just as much as the actual sucking does.

Suck hers?

On just trying to imagine the grannies I know and my own dm doing this. I just can't imagine any of themselves doing this.. Mil maybe.

She must have been holding the baby up to her face I just can't imagine it.

I hope the MIL is on Mumsnet and reads this. It might jolt her into recognising how completely unacceptable her behaviour is on so many levels.

Regardless, it is a gross invasion of the baby's physical boundaries. End of.
and
The question that insinuates that the baby likes having body parts sucked, by someone else? The question that assumes a completely inappropriate thing about an instinctive behaviour of the baby? That question is really, really jarring. It's something you would say to someone if you were about to suck their body parts in a sexual way.
WTAF? Not everything is sexual!!

Ew

I've just realised who the OP is - and remembered how batshit her MIL is (from the christening/chicken nuggets thread).

OP you don't have to learn how to put boundaries in place, you've done it before. Look back to that time, remember that you're a capable, resourceful adult and put the mad old badger back in her place.

whats the christining chicken nuggest thread

What was the chicken nuggets about?

Here you go www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3128777-To-be-furious-with-DH-over-party

Manipulative weasel, this particular MIL.

@mathanxiety

Christ almighty, yes, as I’ve already stated multiple times, I did more or less exactly what the MIL did, many times. And my babies DID love having their hands sucked by someone else. They thought it was hilarious and would try to shove their hands back in for more.

Let’s just agree that you think I’m missing clear signs of the MIL being some kind of sexual predator (presumably you think I may be one myself given my shocking behaviour) and I think you need to seriously seriously unclench.

Ew! Why didn't you grab him off of her? I feel a bit ill 🤢

Just saw you washed his hands after. Hope she was embarrassed! Eewwwww.

@mumonashoestring Ah, I remember that one! Op I feel even more sorry for you now.

Get your husband on board, make him read the disgusting mouth bacteria articles. If he isn't behind you then you're just going to have repeated struggles with these people, the only way out will be a divorce or move, and I don't see your DH moving from that house.

Lick her face from chin to eyebrow. Big slobber tongue. Tell her not to fuss so much if she objects.

mumonashoestring thanks for that.
Wow.

Oh my
.. What a thread!! I also knew a few posts in it was mils pressuring him over the party and nothing to do with his own desire..

Chicken nugget power play

And now she has moved onto hand sucking power play 🤢😷😱

What a piece of work is Mil.

Op on the party thread I think you should have still got your mum into assist you... Ie Mil tried to snatch out of your mums hand but had your own mum anyway.

I have zero sympathy for this woman after the way she behaved when baby was born and you were ill, one hopes you also addressed the other issues.

Makes her even more of all cow to moan about your parents when she knew she would have you on site next to her for years what a bitch.

I bet she physically helped to finish the house herself.