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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL sucking on baby’s hand

328 replies

SilverBirchTree · 22/02/2018 06:23

My 4 month old baby is going through a phase of constantly sucking on his hands and fingers.

Yesterday MIL said to baby ‘you like having your fingers sucked don’t you?’ and proceeded to put her mouth around his entire hand and suck.

My involuntary facial expression was Shock. Seeing my reaction, MIL said in a baby voice ‘it’s good for my immunity mummy’ and then turned to the baby and in baby talk said ‘you need to build up your resistance. That’s a big word, resistance’ and so forth.

...She then continued to suck on his hands and fingers in front of me....

AIBU or is her behaviour as obnoxious as I feel it was?

I don’t mind people touching or kissing the baby’s hands... but full on coating them in saliva just seems disgusting. And odd. And bloody disrespectful to carry on with if you know the mother isn’t ok with it.

But I’m a first time pedantic mother so happy to be told I am wrong and overreacting.

Any immunity experts? Any MIL advice?

OP posts:
Felicitycity · 22/02/2018 13:14

Washing his hands after she has done that is the best idea. It conveys the message that you think it's unhygenic without you being aggressive. If she does it after that she's trying to wind you up, so you'd be perfectly within your rights to tell her to stop immeadiately

Sprinklestar · 22/02/2018 13:22

Truly vile. I wouldn’t have them anywhere near!

TheFirstMrsDV · 22/02/2018 13:26

Maybe it's a class thing?
No.
In my experience the mothers and grans I know who are most concerned about hygiene (whether they are getting it right or wrong) are working class.
I am about as WC as you can get and I would not be happy at someone putting my baby's hand in their mouth.

DameGlitterSparkles · 22/02/2018 13:38

Fucking weird woman she is OP. Put a stop to that kind of behaviour immediately

AwayAndStuffYourself · 22/02/2018 13:40

Zzzz, I'm sorry, but where did I say you should placate and pander to people? what I actually said was to be kind and polite, but to stand up for yourself. That is not placating someone, it's being assertive without telling someone to fuck off in the process, which is what most of the people on this thread would LOVE to see the OP do regardless of the consequences. Is that so difficult to understand?

zzzzz · 22/02/2018 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alexkate2468 · 22/02/2018 13:55

🤢

Iceskatingsnake · 22/02/2018 14:01

That’s bloody weird. Baby’s like to suck their own hands and fingers. It has nothing to do with them
Liking other people doing it to
Them though. I honestly have never thought about doing that to DGD. Yak. I don’t feel any need to cover her little hands in saliva 🤢

SandAndSea · 22/02/2018 14:02

Everyone's got their own way of raising chn. The important thing here is how it feels to you, OP. That said, I can't imagine anyone being OK with using weedkiller and then touching a baby without washing their hands. I would have thought this was obvious. As the mum, you do need to assert yourself, as you know.

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 22/02/2018 14:04

That is the weirdest and most disgusting thing I have hear in a while. If anyone sucked my baby's hand, they would not be touching my baby again.

sourpatchkid · 22/02/2018 14:05

Meh - my kid loves me to a suck his thumb and fingers, he thinks is hilarious. Grandma doesn't do it but if she did I'd have no problem with it. I'm surprised at the extreme reactions - you all vomited in your mouth a bit? Really? You changed shitty nappies that dripped down the whole baby but some hand sucking was just too much?

Your problem isn't the sucking - it's that you don't like it and she's not listening to you.

TitaniasCloset · 22/02/2018 14:05

Math anxiety is right, she is telling it how it is, but as usual on Mumsnet there are always pp trying to suggest other pp are paranoid and talk them out of their instincts.

My instinct to this was yuck, and that had nothing to do with germs. I would not trust the mil alone with my baby after this, she has no boundaries and is very odd.

ListenToTheWords · 22/02/2018 14:07
Angry

Don't let the PIL in when your DH isn't with you. Lock your door and don't answer it, or the phone, when you are alone at home. You need to become more confident around them.

They know full well that they can steamroller over you and as for the weedkiller/poison... I would be livid. What's wrong with them?

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 22/02/2018 14:07

It broke me many, many times and had a lifelong impact.

Perhaps you should have tried actually sticking up for yourself rather than pandering to the wishes of an idiot.

Just because you put up with it, you don't have to encourage others to do the same.

IAmMatty · 22/02/2018 14:10

God, I almost took out my FIL when he used to blow his old-man breath into my newborn daughter's face Confused

This is way worse [boak]

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/02/2018 14:11

tbh the hand/finger thing prob wouldnt bother me,i used to blow raspberries on dd hands and face

but ifit makes you feel uncomfortable then yes say stop

the weed killer is another matter

you need to be firmer,your baby and there is a small risk,therefore they need to wash their hands

tbh any sane person if this was mentioned prob would have said sorry,willwashnow

RoseWhiteTips · 22/02/2018 14:11

Revolting. Tell her not to do that again.

RoseWhiteTips · 22/02/2018 14:14

IAmMatty:

Old man breath? Was he 88?
What about your own breath? Are you sure it is always fragrant? Lol

Takeoutyourhen · 22/02/2018 14:14

What on earth possessed her to even do that???
Yuck.

OhCalamity · 22/02/2018 14:17

I'd be worried about coldsores getting passed over to the baby. I barked at DM when she was kissing my newborn with a big coldsore on her. She got the hump for a while, but once she got over the embarrassment of being told off, she did acknowledge how serious it was and that I was right to stop her.

Adult saliva when it dries generally smells. That's bacteria. I'm VERY laid back about germs but seeing my mum or mil do that to my baby would make me boak.

You need to become more assertive with them - can help you come up with some good stock phrases that you'd be comfortable and confident saying?

GummyGoddess · 22/02/2018 14:17

I'm not usually one to care hugely about babies getting germs (not since seeing DC lick a pram wheel before I could get to him), but that is really disgusting. She might as well spit in his mouth!

I might have gently 'bitten' DC's hands/fingers when he was about 6-7 months when we were playing and I was pretending to eat him, but I'd never intentionally cover him in saliva! Human mouths are absolutely filthy and carry a huge number of diseases!

TooGood2BeFalse · 22/02/2018 14:21

@Outy She still says it about DS1 even now...he's 6 Blush

Mummaofboys · 22/02/2018 14:25

Yuk! Hope you washed his hands with soap after.

GummyGoddess · 22/02/2018 14:27

You're going to have to have some awkward conversations. My PIL are not as friendly to me as I started to tell them not to do things and just took DC away when they did things that distressed him (tickling a child who has just smacked their head and is screaming in pain, even after I said to please stop because he was crying more). FIL literally does massive eye rolls at my parenting, it's incredibly insulting and he only does it when DH isn't there. Fortunately DH believes me and backs me up or I think they'd go crying to him.

Italiangreyhound · 22/02/2018 14:36

Yuck, just tell her not to. How horrible.