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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL sucking on baby’s hand

328 replies

SilverBirchTree · 22/02/2018 06:23

My 4 month old baby is going through a phase of constantly sucking on his hands and fingers.

Yesterday MIL said to baby ‘you like having your fingers sucked don’t you?’ and proceeded to put her mouth around his entire hand and suck.

My involuntary facial expression was Shock. Seeing my reaction, MIL said in a baby voice ‘it’s good for my immunity mummy’ and then turned to the baby and in baby talk said ‘you need to build up your resistance. That’s a big word, resistance’ and so forth.

...She then continued to suck on his hands and fingers in front of me....

AIBU or is her behaviour as obnoxious as I feel it was?

I don’t mind people touching or kissing the baby’s hands... but full on coating them in saliva just seems disgusting. And odd. And bloody disrespectful to carry on with if you know the mother isn’t ok with it.

But I’m a first time pedantic mother so happy to be told I am wrong and overreacting.

Any immunity experts? Any MIL advice?

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/02/2018 07:43

A bit strange I agree.

But vile and obnoxious? Get a grip.

ShamelesslyPlacemarking · 22/02/2018 07:43

It's the fact that this was way too much close physical contact between MIL and your baby.

WHAT. THE ACTUAL. FUCK.

Are you implying that the child’s grandmother is being sexually or physically abusive? For being affectionate with her own grand baby in full public view of the mother?!

Ellie56 · 22/02/2018 07:44

Ewww that is gross.

RabbityMcRabbit · 22/02/2018 07:46

It's just bloody weird and so is she!

zzzzz · 22/02/2018 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohfourfoxache · 22/02/2018 07:50

That’s absolutely disgusting Shock

Cheekylittlenumber · 22/02/2018 07:53

Shamelessly it's not that it's sexual in any way but imo it shows MIL has boundary issues. Especially when OP's face clearly showed her discomfort and she continued and did the baby talk thing.

My MIL is very respectful and would never dream of doing something like that but is very close to both my DDs. She has told me how her own MIL rubbed DH's gums with alcohol when he was a baby teething when she left the room. MiL is a lovely supportive sensitive person.

OP can you imagine sucking your future grandchild hand? I certainly can't and am by no means a frosty snow queen! There's lots of ways to bond/interact with a baby that don't involve bodily fluids! OP you were totally correct in your reaction!

AwayAndStuffYourself · 22/02/2018 07:54

I can understand that you didn't like it..I really do..but I think you have give your MIL the benefit of the doubt on this one..it probably IS something they used to do back in the day, and I don't think she intentionally meant any harm by it. I completely disagree with the poster who said it was inappropriate physical contact..you are reading connotations into the act that really aren't there. As to dealing with your MIL, word of probably unwanted advice from someone who had a hellish time with hers..be polite, be kind, stick up for yourself (but politely and kindly), and pick your battles very carefully, because unless you are extremely lucky there will be a LOT..and you do not want a lifelong enemy and bad feeling. Also, develop the ability to hear what she is saying, smile sweetly, and completely ignore it, THAT is a formidable weapon. I do feel for you, I understand how hard it is. It broke me many, many times and had a lifelong impact.

cupcakesandglitter · 22/02/2018 07:56

I disagree, I don't think she should receive BOD for this - if it was really necessary and for immunity or whatever, she could've suggested you did it.

I think it's super disrespectful that she's even done it, and the fact that she's done it in front of you just proves that. It's actually a little creepy tbh, it's not a normal thing to do at all, and I'd put your foot down and mention it and make it clear that (as stupid as it sounds) NO ONE IS TO SUCK YOUR BABY'S HAND!!

Jammycustard · 22/02/2018 07:57

What a weird thing to do.

SirHumphreyMacdonald · 22/02/2018 07:58

yuk - yes she definitely needs to be told this is not acceptable

DressAndGo · 22/02/2018 08:01

Babies are born without tooth decay bacteria

www.mychildrensteeth.org/education/parent_fact_sheet_on_caries_bacteria/

zzzzz · 22/02/2018 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 22/02/2018 08:01

Ugggh. Gross and creepy. And the baby talk explanation about immunity is idiotic. Good on you for pointedly washing the baby's hands. I'd let it pass this time if it was a one off, but if the same or similar happens again I'd consider a line we'll and truly crossed and have serious words about it.

Only1scoop · 22/02/2018 08:02

Grim

AdalindSchade · 22/02/2018 08:03

Its totally gross and weird. She's misunderstood why babies suck their fingers too! There is no need to put any part of a baby in your mouth and cover it with saliva. Even the pretend eating hands game isn't actual sucking is it? I'm sure I never coated my baby in saliva whether accidentally or on purpose.
This isn't a massive deal but you are not wrong to be totally grossed out.

Only1scoop · 22/02/2018 08:04

It's even worse than when adults put a dummy in their mouth.

aRespectableBureaudeChange · 22/02/2018 08:05

would not have liked at all. It is crossing a boundary if she didn't once look to OP to be guided by her reaction. It doesn't sound like appropriate behaviour at all.

MarshaBradyo · 22/02/2018 08:05

Yanbu urgh that is gross

Glad you washed his hands

Notasunnybunny · 22/02/2018 08:05

I thought you were going to say she started mock eating his hand with gummy bites whilst making ‘nom nom nom’ noises which most babies find hilarious, full on sucking is a bit dodge! Don’t make a big thing of it though, it’s gross to us but he’ll do far grosser things, in reality it’s unlikely to cause him to catch something he wouldn’t have or not anyway.

mathanxiety · 22/02/2018 08:06

Yes, that is exactly what I am implying, Shamelessly.

She crossed a boundary in a way that had sexual overtones.

You do not lick or suck other people without their consent, and that includes babies and small children. Maybe especially babies and small children. Third party adults need to maintain proper bodily boundaries since the baby or small child is not in a position to protect himself.

There is a difference between a mother or father playfully pretending to 'eat a baby up' and a grandmother sucking on a whole hand and then reverting to baby talk and pretending she thought the mother's concern was all about germs.

Again, this is not something people used to do 'back in the day' in my observation. I observed lots of my elderly relatives who had lots of interaction with babies and small children as a child and teen - from Dublin and country areas of Ireland - and this was not done. I have seen people blow raspberries on babies' tummies, rub noses, hold little hands, tickle toes, but no hand sucking.

GnotherGnu · 22/02/2018 08:06

PerfumeIsAMesage is right. It used to be commonplace and exactly the sort of things granny’s did.

No, it really didn't.

SoupDragon · 22/02/2018 08:07

She crossed a boundary in a way that had sexual overtones.

TBH, I find that quite a disturbing thought to have had.

Only1scoop · 22/02/2018 08:10

'She crossed a boundary in a way that had sexual overtones.'

Oh dear

Amberlight003 · 22/02/2018 08:11

My mil did this exact same thing with my dd, along with a load of other crazy shit. Dd was about 5 months old and mil was sticking her tongue out and dd was grabbing it and so mil turned it into a game. For about 2 minutes dd was grabbing his big fat slobbering tongue and it was gross. Everyone was silent and didn’t say anything. As soon as she put her down on the floor I picked her up and said ‘omg look how soaked your hands are, yuck just yuck’. She never did it again, but I know she would’ve loved to just to piss me off as that was her game for a long while.