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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think he might say yes.

57 replies

Funnytime · 21/02/2018 22:37

Help - AIBU to think that the following signs indicate that asking him out is likely to not result in a humiliating rejection.

He’s single and is struggling to meet someone online.

He talkes about my personality positively and tells me never to change.

He tells me that I’m important to him and that I make him happier with his life.

He texts and calls most days.

He makes excuses to spend time with me and will hang around my friends until I arrive.

Smiles at me and we laugh lots.

He has told me that I’m stunning/ look great etc.

My friends say they’ve caught him checking me out Blush

BUT - he has never ever asked me out!! I want to ask him, but if he liked me, wouldn’t he ask me.

OP posts:
DalekDalekDalek · 21/02/2018 22:39

He could be thinking exactly the same. "Why won't Funnytime ask me out?"

Bambamber · 21/02/2018 22:39

Maybe he's just thinking the same way that you are, that if you liked him you would ask him out

Enuffsenuffsenuff · 21/02/2018 22:39

He's probably just shy! Especially if he's found it hard online. Judging by those signed I'd say he is definitely interested. Ask him out - either you'll find out where you stand or you'll get a date out of it! Good luck x

McTufty · 21/02/2018 22:41

He totally sounds interested! Be brave - it looks promising but even if the answer is no, there is no shame in asking someone.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 21/02/2018 22:42

This is either an "ive been told im not just gorgeous but stunning".stealth boast or you can't see the wood for the trees. I'll assume it's the latter. What are you waiting for. Go for it.

Mxyzptlk · 21/02/2018 22:42

Next time he mentions dating say something like "I'd go out with you, if you'd ever ask."

Original poster
Funnytime · 21/02/2018 22:43

The texts reach a point where we’re both talking about our friendship being one of the most important things, I decide to ask him and then panic that I’ll lose him completely. Dating (or not dating in my case) is hard these days Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Funnytime · 21/02/2018 22:44

This really wasn’t a stealth boast post. Sorry if it comes across that way Blush

OP posts:
Slanetylor · 21/02/2018 22:51

I'm glad you mentioned the stunning/ good looking comments. Otherwise complimenting your " personality" would sound a bit weak coming from a man. I'd ask him out, it all sounds very positive. Don't put too much pressure on it though. Ask him to something casual that you both enjoy.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/02/2018 22:56

Just keep it casual and hopefully it will develop naturally. Ask him if he would like to grab lunch together, coffee, whatever. I'm sure he'll say yes.

Consideringbeingamom · 21/02/2018 22:58

Ooh how lovely! I do think it sounds rather promising Flowers

Original poster
Funnytime · 21/02/2018 23:05

We do have coffee together and to me, they feel like dates but they end with hugs. Not kissing.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 21/02/2018 23:16

Try suggesting an outing. Something a bit first datey. Ten pin bowling, theatre/show or a scenic walk perhaps.
Years ago I was in this situation and nothing happened. I still wonder what if.

BigHoof · 21/02/2018 23:17

It sounds promising but I don't know if you need to risk asking him out as such when you could just say something more casual like "fancy a drink this Friday night?" Daytime coffee isn't really conducive to romance like an evening drink is. He might be more forward with a bit of Dutch courage in him. Plus it's easier to flirt - a brush of the arm here, a pat on the leg there - than when you are across a table in Starbucks.

fruitbrewhaha · 21/02/2018 23:17

How about suggesting going out to dinner? Perhaps loosen up with a bottle of wine.

BelleandBeast · 21/02/2018 23:22

Just ask? I had this as I didn't want to wonder what if so told man in question I was worried I might be developing feelings, the get out clause being 'might' Grin

Birdshitbridgegotme · 21/02/2018 23:43

Ask him.....and update! Good luck :)..

Socratease · 22/02/2018 03:48

Why not suggest to him that he asks you out on a date? You get to be a bit less vulnerable than asking straight up, he gets a blatant nudge of confidence, and it's light-hearted. Can't really go wrong. If it backfires, you brush it off because he's complimented you like that, so what else were you supposed to think?

Apollo440 · 22/02/2018 04:27

Ask him out. I had plenty of female friends at university but I was always too shy/polite/respectful to do anything. Luckily my future wife was having none of that and asked me out. 32 years later we are still very much together. Over the years at least 3 of the women I knew at the time have said they mistook my shyness for lack of interest (actually, all boys catholic school followed by an engineering degree with no females = clueless).
From the things he has said, he is into you but doesn't want to risk your friendship. If you like him ask. I bet you he says yes.

Apollo440 · 22/02/2018 04:33

Oh and no bloke ever tells you you're stunning/look great unless they really fancy you.

Original poster
Funnytime · 22/02/2018 23:37

Thanks for the advice.
I will try to be brave and ask him.

OP posts:
Slanetylor · 24/02/2018 02:27

Best of luck!!

Original poster
Funnytime · 24/02/2018 18:47

I asked if he fancied watching a band with me tomorrow night. He said YES. I was excited and picturing him kissing me. Then he calls to tell me he has invited our other friends and he hopes that’s ok! So that answers that, I guess he isn’t interested after all Blush

OP posts:
Slanetylor · 24/02/2018 19:02

Ok, that's annoying. Has a late night kiss ever come close to happening on any of these nights out?

Lizzie48 · 24/02/2018 19:14

Yes I can imagine that would be a letdown, but he may not have understood that you were considering it as a date. You may need to suggest a drink or a meal so it's more obvious that you're interested in him. He sounds like he might be a bit clueless.

Is there a mutual friend you could chat to who could give you a 'heads up' as to whether he's interested?